New Beginnings pt III

   ~@~Another Hope

   Luke stayed with Lara as she gained strength over the next few days. Her spirits were good and her condition was steadily improving.  He had worried at first that she would try to do too much too soon, and risk her health in it, but the worry lessened with her continued improvement.  Although he made a point to tease his wife about her tendency to be stir crazy, he only did it to tease her.  As her recovery lengthened, she was proving that she could be as patient as she had been strong, when that was what was needed. 

   In truth, Lara wasn't anxious to see a display of how much this had taken out of her.  She knew it had been a lot.  So she did as the medics told her: lots of rest, and gradual improvement. Almost a week after first coming to, she had returned to more of a normal sleep pattern and she could focus for long intervals without becoming worn down.  Physical therapy was due to begin in a few more days, they told her, assuming that nothing slowed her progress. So she continued to take it easy, and Luke stayed by her side.

   She awoke late one night and turned to see him sitting beside her as usual, but tonight he was sitting up, reading a datapad, and there was a troubled expression on his face. 

   "Luke?" she called his attention softly.

   He looked up, briefly startled, but he smiled to her.  "Did I wake you?"

   She shook her head easily. "Something going on?" she asked, motioning to data pad. 

   "The disturbance that pulled Leia away," he explained with a slight grimace. "The Council needed her vote on an intervention review."

   "The renegade?" she asked. Lara was vaguely surprised that she hadn't thought to ask it already, but she could see quickly from his face that that wasn't it. "There's been no more on him, then?" she finished evenly.

   "Nothing," Luke answered, clearly unsure if that was a good or a bad thing.  "I don't know what to make of it," he admitted.  "When I spoke to him before, he didn't seem sane." 

   Lara swallowed hard, but she waited silently for Luke to continue.

   "He told me that someone made him rampage, and when I tried to ask further he said he didn't remember doing it."

   "Did you believe him?"

   Luke sighed, troubled. "His demeanor was... disturbing, but I was still suspicious.  When the Force returned," he asked her, "could you sense the same sort of disconnection in him that you did in me?"

   Lara concentrated for a long moment. It was difficult to remember anything very clearly about the few minutes before she lost consciousness, but she could almost picture the renegade in her mind... that one split second.... Luke reached out to her, his physical and mental touch startling her slightly from the deep concentration. "Sorry," she felt him whisper gently through the contact, but as she concentrated again she could feel Luke's guiding presence.  Her memory was sharper, less chaotic, but it was still hard to find an answer to his question. 

   She shook her head slowly. "I know I saw him react when the Force came back around us," she decided, "but I couldn't sense anything in him.... He reacted, and you didn't..." she weighed the rest of the thought as she opened her eyes slowly, still blinking at the puzzle. "There was some difference between you," she weighted the illusive thought again, but it wouldn't come clear.

   Luke nodded beside her; his eyes were still closed in concentration as he sat back in his chair. "What do you know about Imago?" 

   Lara sighed. "He was the third name.  I discounted him because as far as I knew he was never any more than a lackey, to Gerent and a handful of others. If he is behind this, I've underestimated him terribly," she considered that possibility honestly. "He told me he was responsible for Gerent's death... but somehow I still don't think he's capable of this," Lara decided quietly.

   "It's obvious that his capacity for inventions is greater than I knew about. I'd go so far as to say he may have been the brains behind Gerent in that area....  But the rest of it just doesn't make sense."  She shook her head more adamantly. "You don't live the kind of spineless that existence he did, then wake up one day and decide to take that kind of power – to think that you can kidnap and reprogram Luke Skywalker."  She pulled back from those thoughts.  "Imago gloated that he had you under his control, but he never did anything to prove it. That's not like him; he should have been aching to show off that kind of power, but it was the renegade whom Imago ordered to kill me."

   "The last thing I remember," Luke spoke quietly, pulling her away from her own thoughts, "was following the renegade into another room where he said he was going to take me to the person who was responsible for all this.  Then ysalamiri, and a stun bolt."

   "Leia told you about the influenced tubing?" Lara assumed.

   Luke nodded. "It wasn't in place when I got there, or at least not yet activated."

   "But that tubing only explains the ysalamiri influence," she noted softly. "You don't remember anything more?"  

   He shook his head. "Leia said there was some kind of alteration in my brain patterns. It must have been caused by something in that stun bolt."

   "That's what Imago wanted us to believe. But it could have been something they gave you while you were out," Lara added quietly.

   He nodded, holding something back, and Lara waited for him to speak it. 

   "They ran tests on all of us when we came in, as a precaution," he quickly assured her. 

   She nodded grimly. "Against the radiation exposure."

   "They found traces of something foreign in my blood stream.  Leia sent a hard copy of it to Mara to run through her records from Myrkr."

   Lara was silent, but a familiar sinking feeling returned to the pit of her stomach as she considered again how limitless the possibilities could be in the use of that influence, successfully distilled from the ysalamiri. 

   "But they don't think it was any kind of toxin that would have effected your neurological system?" she asked the supposition instead.

   "No," he answered.

   She nodded in response.  "The lesser of two evils then, I suppose," she admitted heavily.

   Luke agreed. "It will be hard to defend against this influence when it's no longer confined to the creatures that produce it, but I like the idea of defending against this mind control even less."

   "Do you think it's possible– that someone could take that kind of complete control over another being, and especially a Force-strong being?" 

   "I don't know," he answered quietly. "I'd like to believe that it's not.  But I don't know."

   She shivered.

   Luke moved to sit by her side, and Lara smiled at him grimly.  "It shouldn't be, you know," she argued quietly, determination thick in her voice. "Maybe it was some sort of brainwashing or another simple trick. They needed the ysalamiri influence to be able to do it; it couldn't have been so overpowering on its own."

   Luke nodded. "With the Force available to me, I could have guarded my mind from invasion."

   "It shouldn't be possible," Lara said again more quietly, more emphatically.

   Luke nodded in worried response, but he didn't say anything. He knew that this wasn't about logical arguments or explanations of what had happened.  He could sense something more behind her words, and he bent to hug her.  That wisp of feeling gave way to a flash of more intense emotion. She remembered the feeling of being separated from him, and she wanted with everything in her to deny that such a thing could ever truly become a reality.

   Luke closed his eyes and reached out to her emotions.  He kissed her forehead, and her cheek, and then her lips, before taking her face in his hands.  "I'm sorry you had to feel that," he whispered gently, hurting with her, as he tried to ease the hurt.

   She closed her eyes a little tighter at the sting of his empathy, and she took a deep breath.  "It doesn't matter now," she managed a weak argument, but she pulled him back close, needing to feel him near.

   Luke held her tightly. "I'm right here," he breathed, and he felt her breath's slow release against him. 

   "It just numbed me, Luke." She struggled through the words. "I couldn't grasp it; I could hardly function, there for a while."

   He squeezed his eyes shut again. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could have spared you that..." he tried, but he knew that he couldn't change it; he couldn't promise it away, and he couldn't prevent it from happening again.

   "I know," she whispered. "There's nothing you can do. It's me," she said softly. "I was just so overwhelmed at the thought of being alone again – like I was so alone before," she trailed off.  "I couldn't think straight through that."  She shook her head slightly.  "No matter what else changes, all the old stuff is still there underneath.  Still strong."

   He nodded slowly.  "But none of it is stronger than you are. It doesn't go away," he conceded quietly, "we just learn how not to give it power over us," he whispered.  "You did that."

   Her mouth turned in a fleeting half smile, amazed at him.  He saw the best in her, even when she was struggling to feel through the worst.  And he understood her, even before she understood herself.

   After another moment Luke sat back, picking up the data pad from his seat as he did.

   "So, what's happening in the Senate?" Lara asked, remembering the source of his worried reading as she gathered herself back together.

   "The Council was trying to decide if it's our place to intervene." He motioned to the pad.  "They've cleared it.  Now it's gone to the Senate Whole."

   "Intervene in what?" she asked easily.    

   Luke grinned at having forgotten that she had been out of the loop.  "A civil dispute on a planet called Orem," he answered.  "At least it started out that way – now we're getting conflicting reports."

   "It must be bad, if they're still pushing for action anyway."

   Luke nodded. That was his impression, exactly.  "Right. We have no jurisdiction to break up an internal problem without being asked in as a mediator, unless there's solid evidence of reason to intervene under The Umbrella Codes."  

   Lara nodded this time. He spoke of the basic rights and restrictions for all beings and governing bodies as members of the New Republic; The Umbrella Codes were the first, and arguably the most important established law of the New Republic. An inalienable code of life, it was called. 

   "But it's beginning to look as though the conflict will spread to neighboring systems in a short matter of time," Luke finished.  If we can't head that off," he trailed off hesitantly.

   "It could spread too quickly to be contained," Lara finished quietly. 

   Luke nodded grimly.  "The last thing we need is to see a civil war begin spreading through an entire system." He fell silent with the gravity of that very real possibility, his eyes moving away from hers. Luke sighed, and Lara could feel his sense flood into a wave of despondence.  "You'd think beings would have had enough of war by now," he softly voiced the regretful emotion. 

   Lara reached to place her hand on his, prompting him to smile begrudgingly at her before he dipped his eyes again.  Luke had to shake his head as he heard the wishful simplicity in his own statement. In hindsight the hope sounded unrealistic, even to him, but he smiled more easily as he lifted his eyes back to hers. 

   Anyone else would have been quick to point out to him the naivete involved in holding on to such idealism, but not her. She understood.  She understood him... in everything that he was feeling, all that he was and all that he wanted to be.  And she loved him for the unique beauty that she recognized in things that no one else quite understood.

   Lara only smiled back, and softly slid her hand across his cheek. 

~

   "Well that looks like good news," Lara remarked brightly.  Luke was smiling easier than he had for the past couple of days as he came back to her room. "And here, I didn't think the Senate gave good news," she mused mockingly.

   He only laughed, raising his eyebrows to match her.

   "Did they find a settlement for the problems on Orem?" she asked.

   "Unfortunately not," he answered.

   She suppressed a grin. "Then what are you so happy about?" she demanded suspiciously.

   Luke was still smiling because he realized that he hadn't told her all the new news yet. "I told you they ran tests on all of us when we came in," he stated, leading the question. 

   She nodded, her face showing her confusion. 

   "I forgot to tell you the rest of the reason why Han and Chewie took Leia back to Coruscant. She's pregnant."

   Lara laughed, surprised by the happy news. "That's great, Luke," she smiled, "and no problems?" she asked.

   "No problems," Luke reassured her. "She just told me she's been for another check up. The baby's doing well."

   "That's wonderful. Give them my congratulations."

   "I will."

   "And how's Han taking it?" she ventured curiously.

   Luke shook his head. "Don't ask," he joked. "As soon as Han found out, he started in with this finally being the time to cut her work load and return to her Jedi training."

   Lara laughed again.  "That's great," she acknowledged, still smiling in amusement.

   Luke sat down by her side, taking her hand.  Hardly a moment passed before there was a knock at her door, and Luke turned to face it, his senses already searching ahead warily.

   By the time it opened he had already relaxed.  Only curiosity remained in his sense as an orderly glanced between Luke and the data pad that he held, rereading it once more before he informed Luke that there was a high priority communication waiting for him.

   Luke glanced to Lara and stood to accept the pad, first scanning it for all the proper codes.  Then he looked to her again. "I'll be back," he said softly, giving her a slight nod before he followed the orderly outside, to return to the comm station.

~

   When Luke returned the second time, it was with a serious set to his face. Lara watched him as he stepped inside and took her hand again, and she returned his worried look, waiting. 

   "Things at Orem have disintegrated," he explained, pausing as he looked down.  "They want me to go.  It turns out I've got immediate proximity; it's only a few systems away from here."  He made the rest of the argument that had been made to him, resolutely.  Then he looked to her for a long moment. 

   "If you don't want me to, I won't," he stated quietly, intensely. 

   Lara grimaced. "Of course I don't want you to go. But that's no reason for you to stay. 

   "Go, Luke," she said softly.

   He touched her.  "You're sure?" he asked uncertainly. 

   She nodded.  She knew that he wanted to stay, and that he needed her permission to go. He was torn between the two sides, but she could see in his eyes what both of them already knew. No matter what they each said or felt, he would have to go. It wasn't truly his choice.

   "I am," she answered him.  "I love you," she squinted, smiling.  "Be safe this time, huh?"

   He shook his head slightly as he hugged her. The teasing edge in her question made him smile; it was meant to.  But his breath at her ear gave answer to the rest of her emotion, the quiet worry resting underneath.  "I promise you," he whispered.

   His hand cupped against her cheek when Luke leaned away and looked in her eyes again.  She could see him doubting the decision.

   "I'm fine, Luke," she reassured him certainly. "Another few days of physical therapy, and they're gonna have to bolt me in to keep me from climbing the walls," she smiled. 

   He grinned back, and Luke kissed her. 

   Her hand cupped his neck, returning the intensity from him that had come unexpectedly in his kiss.

   "I love you," his breath whispered against her lips.

   Lara smiled. "I love you too, Luke," she whispered.

   He leaned his forehead to hers for a long moment, and he sighed before he leaned away, standing. "I've got to get things in order then," he said quietly. "I'll be back before I leave," he assured her.

   She nodded, and smiled to him again as he left.  Then Lara let go a deep breath. "That's just not gonna get any easier," she told herself.

~

   Lara kept up with the latest from Orem, as vigilantly as she could through the local information channels.  All it had  gotten her so far was news of Luke's arrival, but at least she knew that had gone smoothly.  The rest was up for debate, depending on which side was giving the account. He would have his work cut out for him, she realized. 

   "They've sent Skywalker in, I see," one of the med attendants commented on her reading. 

   Lara looked up with a bit of an amused smile.  Most of the staff here knew who she was, and since they were accustomed to seeing a lot of specialized cases, confidentiality was expected. But she didn't think she'd seen this particular attendant before.

   Lara's physical therapist followed a few steps behind, equally amused by her unsuspecting colleague. Lara gave her a smile. "If you want it done right," she shrugged easily toward the other woman, "you send in the best." 

   "Must the poor man do everything though?" the first woman continued on, undauntedly, as she moved around the room in her routine duties. Lara suppressed a grin at her visitor's presumption; she was finding it vaguely amusing that a superficial analysis of her husband's life could be a completely absorbing topic of conversation for this total stranger. 

   "I mean, really," she continued again, "didn't I read that he just got married?  Give him a break to honeymoon, for gracious sake.  Even a Jedi," Lara closed her eyes to the rest of that train of thought, and put her palm to her forehead, "is still a man," she heard it anyway, "has a man's need, for a wife."

   Somewhere between the uncontrollable laughter that had already begun and the complete embarrassment that was beginning to take over, Lara could feel herself turning bright red. She risked a glance at Tyrie, hoping for some sympathy from her newfound friend, hoping for a rescue.

   "Estal," the physical therapist finally interrupted her colleague. "You want to mark the lady's records, for her therapy time this morning?" she asked as evenly as she could, and moved to Lara's bedside.

   "Sure thing, Miss–" 

   Lara glanced up as Tyrie helped her to move from her bed to the transfer chair.  The third woman was staring at her, speechlessly.  Lara tried to smile as she nodded an acknowledgment.  She knew that she must have still been a vivid shade of red, and she wasn't used to embarrassment.

   "Mrs–" Lara corrected dryly as she found her voice through it. "Nice to meet you, Estal."

   Tyrie was already laughing, almost hysterically, at the punch line she'd put into motion.  Finally Lara couldn't help but laugh too as Estal's shocked expression changed into a self-conscious horror. 

   "I'm sorry," she breathed. "Please, forgive me," she stammered. "Honestly, I – I have great admiration for your husband, and I would never knowingly offend you.  Really, I would never have spoken that way–"

   Another, easier, smile crossed Lara. "If you knew," she finished. "Don't worry, it's already forgotten."   She breathed a sigh of relief. "That's very kind of you.  My own husband warns me that my tongue will get me into trouble if I don't learn to hold it," she mumbled. "He'll be horrified with me, to hear how right he was this time," she decided, and she shook her head again.  "I should never have spoken so out of turn, Mrs–"

   "My name's Lara," Lara answered her. "And it's actually a bit of a relief to meet someone who doesn't already know me by name," she added. "It lets me make my own first impression, however ill-timed it may be," she concluded with a wary smile.  "You may have throughly embarrassed me," Lara admitted, looking down to hide an abashed grin, "but you haven't offended me," she reassured her.  "Please, don't think on it anymore." 

   They started to push past, and Lara reached a casual hand to her arm, unable to resist.  "And don't worry about that honeymoon," Lara added, playfully chiding her now.  "It was perfectly fine," she gave the innocent assurance, trying hard to suppress her own smile just enough to keep her voice serious.

~

   Once her companion at her back stopped laughing, she also began to apologize to Lara. 

   Lara shook her head, finally managing to shake off her own lingering smile.  "No, I meant what I said. It's very strange, having everybody know you, except that they don't really know you; they just recognize your name and have their own preconception of how you might, or should, be because of who you've married....  And I needed the laughter," Lara admitted more quietly.

   "I don't think I could do it," Tyrie confessed cautiously, picking up on Lara's worry. "I know you've only been married for a short time," she trailed away, "but I can't imagine knowing that my own husband could be sent away at any moment, to deal with some crisis that no one else can handle.

   "I'm sorry," Tyrie stopped herself.  "I'm sure I'm not helping, and it's no more my business than Estal's," she apologized.

   "No," Lara argued gently.  "Estal was just gossiping.  You've gotten to know me, and you're concerned. And it's not easy," Lara said softly.  "You never want someone you love to be in danger, but I knew that would be part of loving him. I know it's a part of why I love him....  That willingness to risk himself for others and for what he believes... that strength sets him apart. It makes him who he is."

   Lara hesitated.  "And even so, I still have to remind myself that it can't be any other way – any safer way – not without changing what it is that made me love him in the first place. 

   "It's not easy..." she repeated. Then Lara fell silent again. "Maybe we can plan an extra hard workout for today?" she finally suggested hopefully. "The news coming out of Orem isn't helping me sleep so well lately."

~

   With her own drive to answer to, Lara progressed quickly with physical therapy.  By her third week she was climbing the walls, just as she had expected.  She had also deeply bonded with her physical therapist, who played the larger part in keeping her sane. Tyrie had the amazing knack of seeing just the right time to push her up a notch, and when to shut her back down before she pushed herself too hard. 

   It was a mutual admiration society.  "This is my job," she would assure Lara, dismissing any complements. "You're doing the work, and I don't remember ever having anyone push themselves as hard as you do."

   Lara only grinned. "Well, it's my recovery, right?"

   She nodded her agreement.  "You'll be free of me soon," Tyrie added happily as they headed back toward Lara's room.  Lara was already back on her feet.  Another few days, and she'd have her strength and flexibility back to what they had been before.

   There was a commotion building in the halls ahead as they neared her room, and Lara followed Tyrie around the corner toward the service area, where they were bringing in a lot of patients.   

   "What's happened?" Tyrie asked one of the attendants who were rushing into the melee. 

   "Emergency from Orem," he explained hurriedly. "Heavy casualties." 

   Lara felt the breath leave her. 

   Tyrie turned back to her, taking her arm for support. 

   "I'm okay," Lara answered quietly. "I'm sure they need you somewhere," she added, concern taking over her face. Tyrie hesitated another moment before she was ready to take Lara's word, and then her advice.  Lara returned to her room to check the latest reported news.

~

   The situation wasn't what she'd feared.  Actually, both sides had been reporting a stand down when a natural disaster had hit a large portion of the planet.  They were temporarily putting their differences aside in order to aid in the rescue and clean up.  The next report showed a holo of Luke helping in the effort. 

   Lara's relief was short-lived though.  At Taypon, things were picking up at an alarming pace as the injured were brought in. She stepped out into the hall, hoping to find Tyrie or one of the others.  Lara wanted to see if there was some way she could help, but the halls were teaming with med staff and injured.

   Among the chaos stood a small alien child with a bandage wrapped around its head, looking very much lost.  Lara knelt down to its level and struck up a conversation.  She learned that the boy had been separated from his family in the transport here. She took his hand and led him over to the service desk. 

   Taypon was bringing in so many patients right now, they told her, that they had no documentation in place for them yet, no way to locate the child's family members in the melee.  So they started walking.  The child knew what his mother was being treated for; he'd heard the medical people say so, he assured Lara importantly.  Now Lara just had to navigate the massive triage of injured in order to find her.

   She carried the child when he tired, and they picked carefully through the hallways until he saw his Aunt.  Lara let him down, and he rushed to her.  The female was clearly distraught, but greatly relieved to see the child.

   "I didn't know what I would tell my sister.  This fear was bigger than her health," she confided as she smiled, hugging the boy again.

   Lara sat down with them, and she ended up staying until word came that the sister and mother had survived surgery and was in recovery.  Then Lara walked with them there.

   She ducked back into her own room some time later, rightly expecting to be tired.  Lara lay across her bed and listened to the chaos of med officials, patients, and family members all rushing about.  Several minutes passed before she took a deep breath and sat back up.  She would return to the clinic floor and find some way to help.

~

   Another day passed, and it had become almost routine.  She'd grab a few hours of sleep or something to eat when she felt herself starting to wear down, but aside from that Lara stayed in the halls, and waiting rooms, and the makeshift recovery areas. There, she could try to help take beings' minds off their pain and their worry for their loved ones... and there were others who needed help through the shock and grief of hearing the worst.  It was long and hard work, but Lara found that it was one of the most rewarding things she had ever done. 

   The staff started sending people to her, and on occasion asking her to accompany them when bad news had to be given and their councilors were already occupied. It was this way when she met a disheveled young man.  He was pointed out to her by one of the staff, and she approached to try to help him.

   "Hi," Lara offered cautiously. After a moment he looked up to her from his seat on the floor, and she crouched down to eye level with him in return.

   He was shivering.  She turned and reached behind her, grabbing for a blanket off of a passing supply cart.  He met her eyes as he leaned forward from the wall to let her drape the blanket around his back.  Gingerly, Lara wrapped the blanket around him, watching him carefully. "Has someone looked at you?" Lara asked softly. His arms held his knees tightly against his chest, and Lara could see traces of blood on his shirt beneath his crossed arms. 

   He shook his head and reached stiffly for the edges of the blanket that she had folded around his shoulders, grasping them tightly in his fists. Her eyes flickered over him as he reached for the blanket, trying to see the gash that was obviously somewhere beneath the bloodstained tunic.  The boy was clearly in shock.  He didn't appear to be in pain, but that didn't really mean anything in his condition.   

   "It's not mine," he said weakly, watching her worried eyes. 

   She looked up to him easily. "I'm sorry," she offered immediately. 

   He had expected relief.  That had been the others' reaction: "You're not hurt, great. We've got to get to the people who are though." The people who are.... His eyes fell away from her, and he shivered violently.

   Lara reached to him carefully and used the blanket around him to start rubbing his arms and shoulders. She was growing worried now that he could be heading for physical shock as well. "Have you got a name?" she asked easily, softly, despite the vigorous motion. 

   "Atamvr." 

   "Atamvr. You want to tell me about yourself, Atamvr?" she asked again. 

   He seemed to consider for a handful of heartbeats, then he looked up at her.

   She felt it just then too. The boy was Force-sensitive.

   He blinked at her, the surprise taking his mind off other emotions for a few moments.  "I've never met anyone else like me before," he whispered, more conspiratorially than weakly.  "Have you?"

   She smiled.  "A few."

   His sense darkened.  "Is it safe here?"

   She met his gaze and nodded, her hands resting firmly on his shoulders.  "You're safe here, Atamvr."

   He looked at her blankly, a look she understood too well: the inability to comprehend something that was so basically simple.

   Lara only smiled gently. "You've been through a great deal in the past couple of days, I'm sure," she said, sitting down beside him. He nodded, and she waited to see if he wanted to talk about it yet, but the boy stayed quiet.  "You don't have to talk to me if you're not ready to, but if there's anything you do want to talk about I'd really like for you to.  I think it'll help you to feel a little better. Not a lot," she assured him; Lara could feel his doubt and defensiveness at the thought of feeling better at this point. "Just a little."

   A moment more passed before the boy turned to face her.  Lara shifted her position so that they sat facing each other, both huddled in against the makeshift recovery room's wall. Then she smiled again, suddenly but softly. "My name's Lara." 

   Atamvr smiled in return and slowly extended a hand to her in greeting, but his grin abruptly faded as he studied her face.  "Did you come from there?" he asked, letting go her hand.

   Lara shook her head. "I didn't, but I have a loved one who's there still."

   "Okay?" he asked. 

   "As far as I know," she answered him as evenly as she could.

   "I wasn't there when it happened," he said softly, "but it must have been awful. There was so little anyone could do."  His thoughts shifted as they got too close to the pain he was still trying to avoid.  "This was the only time I'd ever been off world," he continued, awe creeping into his voice. Then he shook his head.  "I didn't even make it half way before I knew I had to go back." 

   His sense teetered again.  Then his eyes lifted to hers, bright and excited. "I want to be a Jedi," he stated, an awestruck hope mixing with his serious intent. 

   The statement caught Lara off guard, but she collected herself enough to nod at him, giving his intensity its due weight.  And the boy's electricity in saying the words – that electricity made her think it was likely the first time he'd spoken them out loud. 

   "It's a hard thing to be," she acknowledged softly, deliberately, but not condescending or deflating to him.

   He nodded, understanding.  "I know." He paused. "That's why I left home. I wanted to go to Coruscant, to ask Luke Skywalker to train me.  I still do–" he added, "but I had to turn back. I knew–" he struggled with the memory, "something was wrong there.

   "I was too late though," he finished at barely a whisper, and he moved further inside the pull of the blanket. His eyes caught on the blood that stained his clothing, but once again his emotions didn't yet follow through. 

   "I think that he'd like to meet with you," Lara decided evenly, studying the boy. 

   He looked up to her, stunned.  "You know him?"

   "I know him," she answered with a careful smile.

   "You really think he'd meet with me?" he asked, afraid to let himself believe so easily.

   She smiled in return.  "I really think he would," Lara answered him. "He's a good person," she assured the boy. "And it's what you want," she half stated, half questioned. 

   He nodded. "Before today it was what I wanted, more than anything."

   "And after today?" she prompted gently. 

   He took a deep breath, trying to collect himself.  "I still want it, but I want it differently.  Before, it was how I saw myself.  Now–" he trailed off abruptly.  Suddenly he was unable to finish the thought, and his eyes roved over the room for the first time, taking notice of the others who were here: all waiting and hurting, hoping and grieving.  Then his eyes fell back to his empty arms and bloodstained shirt, and he finally let himself feel the emotions that were triggered by the sight. 

   "I want to be able to help," he said softly, his voice strained.

   Lara nodded intently, leaning toward to place a hand on his arm. Her eyes briefly rested on his shirt before she lifted her face to him. "Who did you especially want to help, Atamvr?" she asked him gently.

   He closed his eyes.  "Jess," he said softly, lowering his head.  "She wasn't really my family, but she was like a little sister.  Only ten years old.

   "I went to check on her as soon as I knew my family was safe.  I should have gone to her first – I knew..." he trailed off, the details ceasing to be important halfway through the thought.  "I took her to the transport as fast as I could.  But she was so little, and she was losing so much blood so fast.  I couldn't stop it." 

   His words grew hurried with the memory, and his hands tried to cradle the little girl that was no longer there to be cradled, to use his torn shirt to stop the blood. 

   Lara put her arms around him easily, and she held his head to her shoulder as he started to unravel.

   "They couldn't get her here in time," he struggled, and sobbed.  "She was too young to die like that."

   Lara rocked with him.  "I know," she said softly, feeling the roller coaster of his emotions as he tried to understand something that refused to make sense. He reached an arm around her shoulder, grasping onto her as he sobbed harder.

   She leaned her head against his and held him tightly, holding him until the tears slowed and he started to get control again. Then she let up easily.  "That's okay," she assured him as she felt him start to get self-conscious.  She rubbed his back reassuringly. "I know how it feels to lose somebody you love like that.  And I promise it'll be better later on, if you can let yourself feel it now."

   He shook his head against her shoulder.  "Everything feels numb. Like it can't be real." 

   She nodded.  "You're still in shock," she said softly. "The good news is that'll pass.  The bad, is that it'll hurt a lot more once it does.  But no matter what, you will be okay," she stated firmly. "Hear me?" she asked easily. 

   He nodded and took a deep breath.  "You think maybe there's somewhere I can lie down?" he asked cautiously.   

   The shock was wearing off. She smiled, and she pushed back to smile at him before giving the room a meaningful glance. "Probably not – but we'll find somewhere for you."

~

   An hour later she had found him some clean clothes and a place to sleep. Lara was sitting on the floor of her room with a data pad, looking over the latest news. She grinned at herself for having the thought, and knowing that he would laugh at it as well, but for once she was glad of Luke's celebrity.  If anything happened to him it would be first run news. 

   Her smile faded as her eyes settled back to the boy who was neatly tucked into her bed, and for a moment she wondered what Luke's absolute first reaction to that would be.  She shook her head, laughing again under her breath, feeling for the first time in a while how truly tired she was.  

   She cut off the pad and stretched out on a pallet of extra blankets. Her gaze swept over the boy once more before she closed her eyes. The small sacrifice was certainly in order for him.  Every bit of eighteen years old, and he'd just lived through the worst day of his life, with a great deal of bravery in his spirit and grace in his manner. Lara smiled tightly. Luke would want to meet him.

~

   The next day things slowed.  Thankfully, the flow of incoming injured had receded and the halls and waiting areas, though still overcrowded, were becoming more orderly. Lara spent this day as she had the last two: finding beings who needed help in the waiting, and worrying, and grieving, and trying to give them that help. About halfway through the day she came back to Atamvr.

   "I didn't get a chance to thank you," he said quietly.

   She smiled at him. "You didn't need to," she smiled again, and touched his arm lightly, "but you're welcome." 

   He smiled back. 

   "How are you?" she asked. 

   He nodded heavily. "Still processing it, or trying to.  It's hard."

   Someone called her attention away, and Lara glanced in the other direction for a moment before she looked back to him. 

   "It's all right," he shrugged.

   She studied him, and Atamvr smiled at the feeling that she was looking for herself, to see if he really meant it. 

   "You find me, if you need me," she instructed.

   He nodded again, and Lara turned to follow a medic across the room.  Atamvr stood watching as Lara knelt down beside the man the medic was speaking to and took his hand in both of hers. He sank back into the chair behind him as the medic spoke to him. His face was no longer visible, but Atamvr could see that it was bad news. 

   He watched, seeing Lara's efforts to help this man and a dozen others throughout the day.  She had a knack for comforting beings. She did first what everyone else was afraid to do or say, or just tacked on as an afterthought.  It did take a little of the magic away from what she had done for him, but it increased his respect for her twofold, seeing the way she was so easily able to reach out to those in need and how much it helped. 

   Then he found himself sitting and talking to beings. He didn't always know what to say or how to react, but they didn't care.  Mostly they just needed someone to sit beside them and talk to them.  To his own surprise, he realized that he felt better in doing it. 

~

   When Lara returned to her room late in the day Atamvr was camped out on the spare blankets on the floor. She laughed out of surprise in finding him there, and for a moment he wondered if he had overstepped his welcome.

   "Is this a display of chivalry?" was all she asked, wryly.

   He shrugged at her, deliberately fighting a shy smile. "You say that as though it's a bad thing."

   "I guess I do."  She realized simultaneously, the dull tone that had entered her voice, and that she had never paused to give the subject much thought. "The times I've seen it instituted, it's only been as a means to show off male superiority, never an honest attempt to revere anything feminine."

   He looked stricken, that he might have unknowingly insulted her. "I never thought of it that way," he offered cautiously.

   She smiled at that.  "I believe you haven't," she assessed honestly.

   "I only wanted to try to repay you," he added. "All you've done for me, the least I could do was let you sleep in your own bed."

   "Then, maybe there's hope for chivalry yet," she admitted, hiding another smile. "Okay," she decided after a moment.  "I'm willing to test the theory, for a night or two, or at least until there's another place for you – but only if I can get you something to eat," she decided.  "Did you eat at all today?" she asked suspiciously.

   He thought about it. "Some lunch." 

   She nodded.  "Well, that's something," she smiled, and sat down to pull her shoes off.

~

   "Lara?" he said softly.

   She was half asleep. "What?" Lara answered.

   He turned to look in her direction.  "Yesterday, when you said you knew how I felt.... Did you mean by the Force, or through somebody you lost?"

   "Some of both," she answered honestly. "I can sense your emotions through the Force.  In that way, I really do know what you're feeling." She paused for his reaction, but he accepted what she told him with ease.  "But I've also been where you were. I left home at about your age, but it was years before I could return, and when I did I found I had lost my family."

   "I'm sorry," he finally managed quietly.

   She looked to him. "It's all right. It still hurts, but I'm all right," she said softly.

   "It took me a long time to feel that.  That's why I said what I did to you about letting yourself feel it. When it's fresh, I know it feels like it'll never get easier, and not feeling seems like the simplest way to deal with that. But you can't heal the loss until you can let yourself feel it.  Until then, it's still with you, no matter how far below the surface you try to push it."

   He nodded.

   "Why did you leave home?" he asked after a moment.

   "I had to," she said simply. "The Empire came for me." 

   She could feel his shock. 

   "Ironically enough, I was conscripted," she continued, "and for a while I served under Darth Vader."

   He was silent. "I always thought that they would kill me if I was discovered," he stated softly.

   She smiled faintly.  "I did too. Even after I found myself in the Empire, I always thought there was a good chance I wouldn't survive.  But it was a chance I intended to make work for me, and somehow it did. I ended up helping Luke Skywalker." 

   "What's he like?" Atamvr asked sleepily.

   "What do you want to know?" Lara asked back, smiling. 

   He had no reply.

   Lara thought for a second. "He's very strong, and very wise, though he doesn't make light of either," she started carefully. "He's incredibly gentle with people, and when you get to know him you see that he has a sense of idealism that should belong to someone who hasn't seen nearly so much.  But mostly he's compassionate, and kind, with a sense of responsibility greater than anyone I've ever known. And he gives of himself completely, without fail."

   He took her description in.  "How strange, that I was on my way to find him when this happened?  And he was there."  

   She smiled.  "I thought that too.  But you know, that might have saved your life," she pointed out.

   "I thought of that too," Atamvr echoed softly.

~

   She woke up listening to the night sounds of the medical center, and turned onto her back. Lara opened her eyes slowly, remembering a stray thought. She was remembering how for the first few weeks of their marriage she would wake up in the middle of the night and smile to realize that she still wasn't used to having him there, sleeping beside her.  She had liked the idea that that would become something constant and expected. Now, already, it was one of the things she missed most: the simple constant in knowing that he was with her, even when he was asleep at her side.

   The last news from Orem had been good. Just over a week's time removed from the disaster, Luke had been able to doctor a truce between the two sides. It wasn't permanent, but it wasn't meant to be.  It was open to be renegotiated at a later date, and both sides had drawn concessions in it. It was a good sign that they were willing to work, and Luke was taking advantage of that, getting both sides to see it in the other.

   He was good at this kind of thing, she smiled to herself.  Maybe in another few days they wouldn't need him there any longer.  A motion caught her eye as her roommate stirred across the room.  He pulled the blanket around him, long arms and legs curling under it before he settled back to sleep.

   Amazing, she couldn't help thinking. Despite all he'd been through, sleep made him look well under his eighteen years.  His face was round, childish except for an elfish wedged chin that was matched with bright green eyes. His hair was medium in color, and thick, blending dark peppered strands with sun-tinged light ones. It was cut just long enough to let it lay flat along the top and back. The shorter bangs especially, took on a darker shade as they pushed up from his face, away from the slight peak that reached down his forehead.

   His looks fit him, she thought.  There was still a great bit of the boy, as his age implied, but life's experience and his own inner self gave more to that age... and now pain, she thought sadly, with a sigh. Pain had a way of bringing out the best and the worst in beings, and she had seen it working in him throughout the days here.  She had seen him sitting with other beings who were struggling to bare their pain and losses, some alone. His expression had been one of unlimited patience and a visible air of selflessness.  He seemed to be consciously choosing to ask and give the best in himself, despite the pain he was working through... and Lara greatly admired that.

~

   Lara turned to the woman she had been waiting with.  Her husband was finally being allowed visitors and she had already started into his room, but she paused in mid-motion to smile at Lara.  Lara stepped forward and hugged her, giving her a gentle push toward the open door as Lara released her. 

   Then Lara took a deep breath as the door closed in front of her. She hadn't known if that would end well or not, but at least this way the woman would have something more of her husband to hold on to if the worst still came.  Lara released a sigh as she leaned back, letting the wall support her as she crossed her arms in front of her; suddenly she felt bone weary, where she hadn't just a moment before. Then, slowly, a smile crossed her worn face.

   Lara lifted her gaze, letting her senses follow down the hall and into the waiting room beyond.  There, she could see that a matching grin crossed Luke's face. 

   They walked to meet each other, and hugged warmly.

   "I'm so glad you're back," she whispered.  "And all in one piece," she smiled as she pushed back from him enough to look him over.

   Luke grinned back at her.  "You too," he teased, his eyes showing more honest relief. 

   Lara reached an arm around her husband's back, leaning against him ever so slightly, as they started walking.

~

   Atamvr had looked up for Lara, as he found himself doing often throughout the day, and he had been about to go to her.  It worried him to see her looking so tired; he had only recently learned that she had been a patient in recovery here before the disaster struck. 

   Then he saw her expression change, and he followed her gaze across the room. Atamvr had also been told that she had a husband who was away, and he hadn't been surprised at that, that there was someone who loved her....  It was still a little like watching a speeder wreck – the stunned, sinking feeling that washed over him as he realized the rest of what she hadn't said to him outright. The last piece of the puzzle connected as he remembered that she'd once told him she had a loved one still on Orem... as he hugged her, and she smiled at him, relieved that he was all right.

   Luke looked around them, concerned, as they walked through the medical center. "How was it here?" he asked heavily.

   "Pretty rough," she admitted, "especially the first few days.  But things are starting to settle back to normal now."

   "They told me you were helping."

   She nodded and gave him a teasing glance.  "You know, I get stir crazy sometimes."

   He smiled, his mood serious. "What ever the reason, I'm glad to see you up and around again."

   She smiled back easily.  "How did you leave things on Orem?"

   He took a breath.  "Good, I think. Not yet settled, but feeling a lot easier than when I got there."

   She nodded.  "That sounds promising."

   "Coruscant is expecting me back to report, immediately," he added with a touch of dry surprise. 

   She lifted her eyebrows in return, only mildly surprised by that fact. "Well," she thought out loud, "I don't guess they need my help here any longer. Things are under control, and I'm certainly ready to go."  Then she paused. "There is one more thing though. There's someone I want you to meet."

~

   "Luke, this is Atamvr. Atamvr, Luke Skywalker."

   Luke nodded to the boy, obviously measuring him.

   Atamvr nodded in return. "It's nice to meet you," he managed finally.

   Luke smiled, and Lara could see the young man's nervousness deflate noticeably.  She gave him a grin and left the two of them to themselves. 

   Luke's gaze focused on the boy as he made his request. It was almost like looking in a mirror of himself around that age, right down to the strength and heroic idealism in him when he said the words. The Jedi tried to push that slightly unnerving feeling aside, and he nodded in response to the conviction he sensed in the boy's eager voice.

   "You know it's a hard thing to live? And it is something that you live," Luke added, explaining his choice of words as he studied the boy again.

   Atamvr nodded in return. "I know. I want to learn." 

   Luke nodded again, and was silent for a long moment. "Then you should come back with me to Coruscant."

   The boy's face lit up in excitement; then he quickly forced himself to calm down.  "Thank you, Jedi Skywalker." 

   Luke felt himself smile, and he nodded once more as he stood.  Luke could feel that his life had again taken an unexpected turn. 

   "Are you ready?" he asked, looking past the boy.

   Atamvr turned to see that Lara stood a few steps behind him, her travel bag slung over her shoulder.

   "All set," she smiled, and came closer.  She looked down at Atamvr and then back to Skywalker, her expression curious. 

   "Atamvr is coming back to Coruscant with us," Luke said after a moment.

   Lara nodded, serious, but also pleased.  Luke moved to her side and took the bag she carried over his own shoulder.  She gave Atamvr's shoulder an encouraging squeeze as he stood to follow Luke, and the three of them headed for the landing pads.

~

   Lara took a seat to one side of the ship's open crew room with a data pad, intending to catch up on some reading, but she soon found herself engrossed in the ongoing exercise between Luke and Atamvr.  They were deep in conversation about the Force.  The boy had intuitive strength, but lacked the proper focus to realize it. Luke was trying to help him tap into his connection to the Force, and to give him an understanding of it.

   "You're still trying to will it," Luke pointed out as the remote that he had dug out of the ship's storage compartment wiggled a little but refused to rise into the air. "You have to feel it."  The Jedi's voice was intense but also measuredly calm.  "Open yourself to the Force, and imagine that Force extending the very air between the remote and the ship's floor." 

   The boy took a deep breath and tried again, with a little more success. 

   "That's good." Atamvr looked to him hopefully.  "You're improving," Luke praised him.

   "I'm still not getting it though," Atamvr admitted.  "I can feel the Force, but when I try to reach out with those feelings, I lose hold of them." 

   Luke nodded. "Okay. Try this," he said, walking over to the boy.

   "Close your eyes for a minute."  Atamvr did and nodded.  "Now, can you picture the room around you without seeing it?"  Another nod.  "Right down to the details?" Luke prompted, waiting for Atamvr's answering nod. "And beyond that," Luke continued, "picture the hall, past the ramp way, and into the cockpit."  He nodded again.  "The whole ship is there, in your mind's eye." 

   Atamvr nodded once more, waiting for the next part, and Luke smiled. "You can't see it, but you know it's as real around you as if you were looking at it."  He gave the boy a minute to understand what he was getting at before Luke spoke again. "The Force is the same," Luke explained softly.  "You can't see it, but it's just that real around you – no matter the space that you're trying to bridge.

   "You understand?" Luke asked.  Atamvr nodded once more.  "Okay," Luke concluded, stepping back from him.  "Open your eyes and try it again now." 

   Atamvr opened his eyes and settled his gaze on the remote, trying to picture it with his mind as well as his sight. Then he closed his eyes again, and the small ball rose from the floor.

   "Very good," Luke said softly.

   The remote held still, and Atamvr opened his eyes, allowing himself a careful smile in surprise. His concentration held despite the display of emotion, and he slowly lowered the ball to the floor and grinned at Luke.

   Luke nodded, giving an easy shrug in recognition of the ease in Atamvr's accomplishment. "Very good, Atamvr.  Now I want you to see if you can do that once more. But this time, in addition to concentrating on the remote, try to be aware of the Force around you.  Most of your attention is going to be on the remote," he added, "but I want you to try to get that feeling back, of knowing that the entire ship is here around you – and not just in your mind this time, but with all of your senses." 

   The boy closed his eyes and took a breath, starting again. Right away, the remote rose and hovered in place. "Just start small and reach out gradually," Luke instructed softly.  "You don't have to do it all at once." Atamvr could feel the remote and he could hear Jedi Skywalker's words, as if from a distance.  The remote bobbed a little as he tried to find the balance in his mind between how much effort he needed to keep the remote in place and how much concentration he could spare for his surroundings.  Then he tried, as Jedi Skywalker had said, to see, to feel the ship around himself. 

   Details gradually started to take shape around the remote until Atamvr was aware of the entire room... but being aware didn't begin to cover the sensation. This awareness was like nothing he'd ever felt before. It was like he had become a part of the room around him, and everything buzzed with the connection.  Energy.  Life.

   "That's right," Luke breathed. "The Force is the energy that surrounds us and binds us; it holds the universe together....  It's in you and around you – nothing more complex than that."

   Atamvr took a deep breath and opened his eyes....  The sensation stayed.

   "Through the Force, we are connected to the life and death of the universe and every living being in it... when we are calm, at peace," Luke finished.

   Atamvr took another breath, trying to bring calm to his restless emotions. Gradually there was calm, and he felt his emotions settle into oneness with the air around him. 

   "Good." 

   He didn't want to let go the newfound experience but the remote was growing heavy to his grip. As easily as he could, he lowered the small device. This time it took every ounce of his concentration just to keep the remote from crashing to the floor; it felt like it weighed a ton, and Atamvr was breathing hard when he let it go. He let go of his grip on the remote, and his hold on the Force slipped away from him again.

   "That was very good, and a lot for your first day." 

   Atamvr felt a little disappointed that he had lost that contact so quickly, and he was dying to ask Jedi Skywalker's if it would feel that way all the time once he learned to use the Force... but he remembered what he had been told just moments ago and he calmed his emotions. "I really could feel everything around me, more than just seeing it in my mind."

   "I know," Luke smiled easily.  "You saw how the Force extends from you to touch everything around you. That's a great place for us to start.  I want you to understand," Luke reached a hand to the boy's shoulder and began steering Atamvr toward the crew table where they could sit, "how to touch the Force inside yourself, and at the same time to know that that same Force is all around you."

   Atamvr nodded attentively. Lara watched them sit down, and she did her best to return her attention to her reading again as the two of them settled back into their ongoing conversation.

   "Once you can understand those two pieces," Luke was saying, "then I think you'll start to realize that they really are part of just one whole...."

~

   The following day Luke sat in the crew room reading over the written record of the agreement that he'd mediated on Orem.  Atamvr was taking a break from his exercises to play chess with Lara. Hardly a moment had passed when he hadn't been practicing the handful of exercises that Luke had taught him, but he was currently waiting for Lara to make a move in the match they'd been carrying on for most of the morning. Atamvr had shown great determination and doggedness in his will to learn about the Force; Luke had been pleased to see that the boy also had patience to match his determination.

   "Atamvr?" Luke asked for the boy's attention and Atamvr looked up.

   Lara made her move and looked up as well.

   "I know that you weren't on planet when this last flair up started, but the disagreements go back a long way and you've seen them firsthand," he added, giving qualification for his next question. "Do you think the two sides want this peace?"

   The boy bit at his lip, considering it.  "The only thing I've ever known to bring the two together is a common enemy," he admitted hesitantly.

   Luke grimaced. "I got that impression, myself."

   Atamvr stood and walked over to Luke, who handed him the data pad he'd been studying.  Avamvr stood silently, reading it over. "It sounds like they're willing to try," he observed.  "I'm surprised that they were," he trailed off. "I guess with the other troubles, it was in their best interest to put some of the old things aside," he thought out loud. 

   "Put what aside?" Luke asked, feeling that Atamvr meant something beyond their publicly disputed differences.

   Atamvr looked to him cautiously. "Both sides have always shunned outside delegation.  The Old Republic was never successful in settling their differences. Under the Empire, the forced arrangement was worse. There's always been a strong backlash against off-worlders, and Force users." 

   Luke nodded. "Between the Empire's abuses, and the Republic mediators who were unable to solve their problems..." he shrugged, understanding. "They haven't gotten any meaningful help from the outside," he finished, and he waited for Atamvr to share the rest.

   Atamvr looked between the two of them again before he sat down beside Luke.  "The tide of it comes and goes," he started, "depending on which other pressure issues are contested at the time, but those prejudices have been underlying things for as long as I can remember.  During the worst of it, I would have to go into hiding away from my family.... So that they wouldn't be held responsible for me, or be endangered by me," he explained quietly."  He looked toward Lara suddenly. "That's how I met Jess," he added softly. 

   Luke looked to her too.  Lara had explained the circumstances of their meeting and Atamvr's emotional state to Luke, briefly, before she introduced the two of them.

   "She lived part of a little nomad tribe in the low hills," he finished the thought.  "They had had enough of the constant squabbling and broke off to live on their own," he said, glancing back to Luke. "They were always good to me, but it was a hard existence," he remembered quietly, "and especially hard for a child.  It was all they could do to have shelter and food for themselves year round; there was never much aside from necessities, so I brought her things whenever I could: toys and sweet foods." He trailed off, remembering, and when he continued again his voice was more thoughtful. 

   "I used to argue with the group elders, if it was worth so much sacrifice? They chose that way of life for the freedom in it. I was just there until it was safe for me to go back home again."  He weighed the two sides and fell silent again. "I don't know if I would have," he decided finally.   

   "But through all that," Luke spoke quietly, "you still want to follow the Force and be a Jedi." 

   He nodded. "It is what I want.  It's what I've always wanted."

   "Not because it'll be easier?" Luke asked carefully.

   "I do want to make things easier," he considered, "for others. But for me, I don't expect it to be easy."

   Luke watched the boy, seeing something illusive in him.  There was wisdom beyond his years, and also the delicate balance of drive and emotion; it called Luke back to the confusion of a trying age: split between the childhood that is gone and adulthood that has not yet come. 

   After a moment Luke smiled grimly. "The only thing I can promise you is that it won't be easy.  If you can accept that already, then you're well ahead of where I started from," Luke conceded from behind another smile. "For a long time, I thought this would help me make sense of all the things I didn't understand, in my life, in my family, in myself. Some things do make more sense, but mostly I've realized that my purpose is greater than myself or my life. I follow the Force and I serve where I can – and it's not an easy service. It's a service that demands sacrifice."

   Luke studied Atamvr, his eyes serious.  "There can be no room in you for anything that would take away from the work that you need to do, the work that only you are capable of."  Luke studied his young student further, the Jedi's mood changing subtly.  "Does it still hurt you," he asked softly, "that you were treated badly because of this talent you have?"

   "Sometimes," Atamvr answered him quietly. 

   Lara felt herself flinch at the hurt that registered in him. But he carried it well, which she knew was what Luke was hoping to see in him.  There was no flash of anger or fear, even remembered, and no wish for retaliation.  

   "But I can't change that," he whispered.

   Luke reached out to him. "You didn't cause it," he assured the boy gently. 

   He nodded to Luke. Atamvr's eyes were made blurry by the remembered emotion.  "I never meant to do anything to threaten them," he wondered quietly. 

   "I know. But they couldn't understand that," Luke finished, his voice pained. The boy watched him intently now.  "Beings sometimes fear what they don't understand, and it becomes a threat to them for the same reasons."

   "I saw that too, growing up," Lara added softly. "The Empire bred that kind of fear.  They were so indiscriminate in their hatred and aggression. Beings were willing to do anything to avoid that wrath."

   Luke nodded slowly.  "We have to try to understand, those things, especially," he said quietly.  "That way, we never repeat those wrongs."

~

   A few days later, nearing the end of the trip, Atamvr was soaking up knowledge.  The boy undoubtably had a strong will and a great sense of open curiosity, qualities that often led the ongoing conversation between him and Luke into debate on the nature of the Force and the practicalities of its use.

   "You've got to be calm," Luke returned to the same thought again.  It was almost a mantra between them, for the frequency of its repetition. "You can't give in to emotion. You're only truly connected to the Force when you're based in peace, in yourself, in everything around you... and you can only reach that place when you're passive." 

   Atamvr was trying to follow his teacher's instruction, but it was difficult. His connection to the Force was growing stronger, making it easier for him to tap into his abilities, but the experience of that connection was still overwhelming to him.  Luke assured him that what he was feeling was normal, that eventually he'd get used to the sensation. Eventually it would become background noise, like the hum of the ship's massive engines.... Atamvr found that hard to imagine. He was trying to focus on the light, as Jedi Skywalker instructed, but there was so much he didn't understand....  How could he use his feelings to reach out to the Force, but not give in to emotion? How was he supposed to feel the Force flowing through him – alive and bursting with energy – but remain calm?

   "You're still trying to will things for yourself, Atamvr.  There can be no will, no emotion in you when you reach out."

   "But cutting myself off from that..." he struggled, "it feels like I'm cutting away part of myself.  Won't I be stronger if I reach out with my whole self? Isn't that honest, more than trying to change what's inside me?"

   Luke shook his head, reminding himself to keep patience with his young student's misunderstanding. "Atamvr, it's not meant to take anything away," he shook his head again, his brow furrowing, "to lessen you, or change you.  It's how you connect yourself to the Force, to the light. It's filtering that strength, through the most peaceful places in yourself."

   "But why can't I use my will and my emotion for the light? Why can't I find peace through that?" 

   There is no why. 

   Luke closed his eyes.  "It doesn't work that way," he breathed.  "Your will is a small measure next to the power of the Force.  When you learn to look past it, to reach past it, there is so much more beyond.

   "And your emotions..." Luke came to a heavy pause.

   Bury your feelings deep down, Luke.  They do you credit, but they could be made to serve the Emperor.

   "They can't always be trusted. Strong emotion intensifies everything that you feel, including the way you feel the Force.  When you try to open yourself that way..." Luke trailed off, again finding the words difficult. The words that came to his mind flowed more easily, providing perfect explanation.

   Use it.  Strike me down with all of your hate....  

   Give yourself to the dark side.  It is the only way to save your friends.  Your feelings for them are strong, especially for... sister....

   Luke shook himself loose from the voices of the dark side and the memories of his own mistakes.  He knew that he was right in what he was insisting to Atamvr. There was only one way to seek the light while shutting out the darkness, but there was no easy way to explain why.

     "Emotion can too easily cloud your vision, make you vulnerable to the dark side." Luke finished more abruptly than he really meant to, and they stood there staring at each other, the impasse clearly visible in the air between them. 

   "Okay," Luke conceded, taking a deep breath and giving his student's shoulder a pat. "Let's take a break." 

~

   Lara walked into the cockpit behind Luke and reached a hand to his shoulder as he leaned across the console. He gave up the pretense of checking systems' readings, and sat down heavily.

   "You think you're taking a little too hard a line with him?" she offered the possibility gently.

   He released a breath and shook his head, looking back to her.  "Don't I have to, Lara?" he insisted.

   She shook her head in return.  "I don't know, Luke," she said softly.  "Not if it makes the rest harder between you."  He looked ahead again, his eyes down, and Lara knelt down by his side. 

   "I understand it, Luke.  But he won't unless you tell him. Under all the rest, he's still eighteen. Every little thing is larger than life and no point will get through by arguing it with him. You have to help him understand."

   She placed a hand to his arm, resting there for a moment.  Luke stayed quiet, still weighing things within himself.

   "How can I make him understand when there are things I don't want him know?"

   Lara didn't have an answer, and she understood that Luke wasn't really asking for one. He needed to find a balance between what the student needed to know and what the teacher was able to teach. Those boundaries, Luke had to figure out for himself.  She stood and bent to kiss the top of his head, leaving him to his thoughts.

~

   Atamvr hadn't meant to eavesdrop.  He'd been looking for Lara, and he saw her in the cockpit talking to him, though Skywalker didn't really look to be listening to her.  Atamvr moved away, trying to mind his own business as he waited for Lara to emerge from the cockpit.

   "Hi," she greeted him quietly when she stepped into the hallway. His posture showed dejection and, even though his sense lightened when he turned to face her, his expression remained downcast.

   "We hit a bit of a snag," Atamvr grimaced over the admission.

   Lara only smiled.  "That's all right; it happens."

   He looked down. 

   "Really," she repeated her support. 

   "I don't want to be disrespectful. I just don't see how to agree with some things." He looked back to her, awaiting her opinion, hoping for her support.

   Lara nodded. "You've got to listen to yourself first, and there's nothing wrong with two people genuinely seeing things differently, even student and teacher. But Atamvr, when you're the student you've got to understand, even when you don't agree. 

   "You see, Luke has done a lot of learning the hard way.  He's struggled for his peace and fought for what he believes; that's why it comes so intensely to him. It's hard to pass that kind of belief on to someone else, to give an understanding of that strength to someone who hasn't lived the experiences that shaped it." 

   Atamvr looked down, considering that, and Lara gave him a moment to think about it before she dipped her gaze down to catch his. "And you've got to know, too, that you're just starting on this journey. He's been where you are now, and if he's pushing a little harder than you think he should at times, it's because he feels that strongly that you need to hear it. He knows how much is at stake for you and he wants you to get a better start at it than he did."  Then her expression lightened.  "Plus, you know you are his first student, so we're kind of experimenting on you," she grinned deviously. 

   Atamvr laughed at that, appreciating her attempt to break the tension. "Thanks," he acknowledged jokingly.  Then he looked to her seriously.  "Do you agree... with what he says about emotion?" 

   She met his gaze for a long moment.  "It's a fine line," she said finally. "I know, especially, that strong emotion will cloud the way you feel the Force. It can cloud your judgement, and there's no place at all for anger, or fear, or aggression. They're too destructive – and there's no such thing as just a little, or trying to use them for anything but to feed themselves."  Then she paused, a little of that devious light coming back over her features.  "But there's also no getting around emotion if you're human," she smiled at him, as if sharing a secret.

   Atamvr smiled back, and Lara hesitated briefly before she spoke again. "Atamvr, I've really got no place to give you advice on your training. I don't pretend to know what it is to be a Jedi."  She hesitated again. "But I can offer you my objective point of view. I see that you want to put all of yourself into this: will, and emotion, and everything that you've got. Right now, you're looking in.  You're just beginning to see what's there for you and you're pushing to get to the next level.  You're trying to make the Force work for you, but that's coming at it from the wrong angle."  She paused heavily. "And that's a little scary for you at this point, because you aren't anywhere near, ready, for the kind of power you're about to tap into."

   There was worry in his expression, followed by self-consciousness and more than a little confusion.  "I didn't mean it to be that," Atamvr offered.

   "That's good," she stated slowly, seriously. "Always be aware of what you want, Atamvr, and a little careful of it. There's a very big difference between strength and power, and you should never feel like power is something that you need.  That emotion is always a warning sign.  It should tell you to step back and think about what it is you're doing, what it is you feel, and why." 

   He nodded.

   "A need for power usually comes with feeling out of control. Learning to rely on the Force means sacrificing a little of your own self, your strength and independence, in order to become part of something greater than yourself. Finding the strength to be able to trust in something that you can't fully understand is much harder than it seems. You have to trust yourself deeply, and you also have to be able to put your own will aside.  Once you can do those things, you'll learn to feel the Force and let it work through you, channel through you....

   "Remember that the Force encompasses all of life – its strength is more than any one being needs, and it's already there – that Force is within you and all around you.  You just have to find the ways within yourself, to see all that you're capable of."  She paused again. "Gradually, you'll find the way to your own strength in the Force. And once you reach that point – once you learn what you're truly capable of – that's the real test of you. Finding how best to act, to live, in the potential of your own incredible strength.... It will forever be a temptation to use that power." 

   "She's right," Luke said softly.

   Atamvr looked past her, startled, and a little worried that he'd gotten her into trouble.  But there was no worry or reservation in Lara when she turned back to look at him, and Skywalker only smiled, nodding quietly at her insight.

   "Atamvr," Skywalker spoke to him slowly, an edge of uneasiness creeping into his smile, "you'll have to be patient with me, because I don't always know how to say what needs to be said.  Sometimes Lara is much better in that than I am," he conceded, meeting her eye, and prompting her to smile at him. "I didn't expect this," Luke admitted with another uneasy smile, "to take on a student yet, now. But you found me, and I'll teach you.  You've got the desire and the potential to follow this through, Atamvr; and you deserve that chance.... 

   "But it won't be easy. This will always be a balance for you. Once you learn to feel the Force, it will be a power far greater than you realize – and there will always be places that you can't go, things that you can't touch, not without losing your hold on the light, not without falling pray to the dark side.

   "For my part, I promise you that I won't keep anything from you. There's no question that I won't answer to the best of my knowledge – but sometimes understanding requires time.  I have to ask you to trust. Trust me when I tell you what's off limits, because there are things that I don't want you to try to understand yet, and trust that I will be able to see when you are ready for more knowledge, more responsibility."

   The student and the teacher stood eye to eye for a long moment.

   "Do we have a deal?" Luke finally asked.

   Atamvr nodded. "Deal," he agreed softly.

   Luke nodded back, still measuring, and Atamvr remained silent until he spoke again.   

   "Atamvr," Luke breathed, "I keep trying to explain to you how difficult this life is, because you need to know right from the start that the cost is high. But I also want you to know that despite the enormous challenge, despite the great difficulties... this life is worth the price it demands."

   There was an unmistakable light shining in the Jedi's eyes as he searched for the words he wanted. "I've told you that the path is not easy, but there is an unshakable certainty that comes when you know that you're on the path that is meant for you – that the work that must be done is for you, alone, to accomplish.  That knowledge provides a peace that can sustain you through any trial. The Force, itself, can give you enormous peace and clarity when you learn to submit yourself to its will. And you have to learn to submit yourself to its will – that's not an option if you wish to follow the light. The only other alternative is a path of darkness, hidden beneath a lust for power that robs you of your freedom, your will to serve, even your ability to do good.... But when you are willing to serve the light, it can become the driving focus inside of you... one that overrides your every doubt and keeps you moving forward, regardless of anything that would stand in your way."

   Atamvr nodded.

   "You have a responsibility to yourself, to follow your potential and seek that sense of purpose in your own life.  You've already taken the first step.  I'm willing to do everything in my power to help you discover if this life is the life that you're meant to live. You have my promise, Atamvr," Luke vowed. 

~

   The cockpit gradually filled as they approached Coruscant. Lara strapped herself in, grinning to Luke as she sat down beside him.  "Shipboard refresher units are lifesavers, granted, but I'm dying for a real, hot water-and-all, shower." 

   "And some real, non-rationed, food," Luke echoed her sentiment as Atamvr strapped in behind him. "All ready?" Luke asked a few moments later as the countdown indicator neared zero.  He pulled the lever back into place and hyperspace slid away, bringing Coruscant back into view, filling the forward screen with its massive city scape.  Atamvr harnessed an awed gasp, his eyes big, as Luke easily moved them into an open traffic lane.

   Mid-way into the landing approach the comm sounded, and they got word that someone would be waiting for them on the platform below.  Luke and Lara exchanged careful glances. 

   "Acknowledged," Luke noted, cutting the relay.

   "That's strange," she said. 

   He nodded in agreement.  "Anyone who should need us in an emergency has our on-world codes."

   "Otherwise, why bother pulling us off the platforms," Lara finished with a guarded grin.

   "Exactly," Luke returned, suppressing one of his own.

   Atamvr waited in the background, oblivious to the inside joke, but he was perfectly aware of the caution that colored the senses of each of his companions.

   Luke brought the ship in with the characteristic ease of a one-time fighter pilot, and they filed off the ramp to see a lone figure waiting just inside the barriers, his hair still tousled by the outer winds. Lara's step faltered in recognition, and Luke turned back to her cautiously.  His face also showed surprise and, briefly, worry.  But there was no other visible show of hesitation from Luke or Lara.

   Atamvr was watching her attitude and her stance as the three of them continued forward.  She let Skywalker go ahead of them and held her pace steady by Atamvr's side, but she remained only a step behind Luke as they continued across the landing platform. Atamvr could see that she was deliberately staying close, in case she was needed.

   He had to suppress his own urge at chivalry, reminding himself of her acknowledged past. That, and the ready certainty she carried in her step, showed that she was more than capable of taking care of herself.

   They came to a halt, and Luke took a step forward to face the renegade.

   The stranger looked around him for a moment, to her, almost as if concerned. The motion caused Skywalker to edge forward cooly, deliberately regaining the other man's attention. Atamvr didn't get all of the conversation but he could clearly get the gist of it.  The stranger was making an appeal to Skywalker, and both he and Lara were wary. 

   Luke stepped back after a few moments of conversation and exchanged a long look with Lara. Atamvr broke the silence, unable to contain the growing emotion. "I've got a bad feeling about him," he stated slowly.

   Lara glanced to Atamvr and returned a serious stare to Luke. She nodded and took a deep breath. "He can't be trusted," she said quietly.

   "I know," Skywalker's voice and his stare were also serious, "but I can't turn him away," he added, almost as an afterthought.

   Atamvr expected an objection, at least an explanation, but none came.  No explanation was given for the strange decision, and Lara didn't question it. She only nodded slightly to Skywalker, and when she looked back to Atamvr there was no evidence of the doubt or apprehension that he expected to see in her expression.  There was a sinking feeling in the pit of Atamvr's stomach. For the first time, he wondered what was really going on between Lara and Luke. What would make the man so easily ignore their warnings?  And what had Atamvr signed up for by agreeing to Skywalker's deal; what had he gotten himself into by coming here and placing his faith in this odd and illogical arrangement of loyalties?

~

   Luke sat heavily into a conforming chair in their suite. Lara followed him, to put her arms around him from behind. He sighed, and reached a hand to her arm. 

   "Do you think I'm doing the right thing, Lara?" he asked quietly, troubled. 

   She squeezed her eyes closed and pressed her chin to his shoulder. "I can't answer that, Luke," she said softly. "It's not mine to answer."

   "I don't know," he said distantly.

   She kissed his temple and leaned her head to his.  "I think you do," she contradicted him gently.  "Remember what you said to Atamvr, about the Force?  About it being the focus that drives you, through any obstacle, even your own doubt? I saw the light in your eyes when you told him that," she breathed.  "I know how deeply you trust that guidance." Her voice lowered. "Even despite confusion, and worry, and the temptation to second-guess yourself... that vision and clarity you spoke of, it guides you in these moments, these decisions.  I've seen that in you, Luke, so many times. Rely on it now," she whispered, "and let go the rest."

   Another moment passed before she spoke again, more quietly.  "I trust your judgement," she offered, "and I know that you'll be true to yourself. You'll always do what you feel you have to do, no matter what else comes with it.  As far as I'm concerned, that makes it right." 

   He turned back to her, asking her into his arms. She sat with him, and he reached around her lightly.

   "Thank you," he managed softly, "for believing in me that way."  She smiled at him softly, settling her arm around his waist and her head to his shoulder. "For reminding me what I believe," he finished with a smile. "I love you, Lara." 

   She leaned her forehead to his neck. "I love you too, Luke" she whispered.

~

   He stirred, feeling her in his arms before realizing that they had both fallen asleep, and he tightened his arms around her with a smile.  "Lara," he whispered. She nestled closer to him, coming only partly awake and decidedly choosing not to be further disturbed.  Luke laughed under his breath and kissed her affectionately.  Carefully, he stood, taking her into his arms as he did.  She lifted her eyes to smile at him, in amusement at the unexpected gesture, then she lifted her arms, a little awkwardly, to circle his neck. 

   Luke carried her from the living room and gently laid her down to the bed. Lara smiled up at him. Her arms stayed, softly, around his neck as she met his eyes, and Luke smiled back.  It was something felt; it didn't need to be spoken.  She asked, there in her smile, and with her arms around him... the way her eyes sparkled as she watched him.

   He lay down close beside her, feeling her arms loosen to slide around his shoulders. Then her hands moved softly against his shoulders and back, asking again....  His answer was a soft and lingering kiss... matching the passion that he felt in the touch of her hands, the touch of her lips.  He was willing to lose himself in that kiss, her touch, the feel of her love... and the way that everything about her continued to ask him closer to her....

~

   Luke grinned at his sister as she entered the rec room the following morning, followed closely by Winter.  He had asked some time ago that one of the Palace's end floor recreational rooms be requisitioned to him as a private training room. His had been the only request for use at the time, and the requisition had come through.  The large, open room spanned the space of two normal size suites and gave spectacular views from two sides of the Palace. So far he had used it in Leia's training and occasionally in his own workouts.  Now it would be seeing more activity.

   "It seems my class load has tripled," Luke greeted Leia cheerfully. 

   Aside from having a few minutes to talk before his briefing to the Senate the day before, this was the first she'd seen her brother.  Leia hugged him and looked around the room. "You had better not be counting me as two yet," she quipped.  It was just them and Lara, who was helping Winter entertain the twins at the moment.

   She looked up, meeting Leia's curious stare. "Don't look at me," she smiled at her sister-in-law. "Your brother picks up strays."

   "My brother?" Leia was quick to shoot back dryly.  "You married him," she retorted lightly.

   "But I really had no choice in that," Lara protested back cheerfully. 

   "Thanks," Luke laughed under his breath, taking in the small miracle that his wife and his sister were so peaceably joking with one another, even if it was at his expense. 

   "It's good to see you, Lara," Leia added quietly.

   Lara nodded back, appreciating the subtleties that were left unsaid. "Thanks," she smiled.

   Leia's eyes settled back to Luke.  "You have two more students?" she asked.

   "Lara came across a boy from Orem who was looking for me, so he came back to Coruscant with us."

   "And the second?"

   "The second was waiting here when we got back."

   Leia recognized that look from Luke, and it always made her a little uncomfortable.

   "The renegade," he said with a slight lift of his eyebrows.  "His name is Darlik."

   Her jaw dropped in shock.

   "I know," Luke acknowledged. "But he came to me."

   She knew better than to think that arguing anything with Luke would change his mind once he had made a decision, but she still couldn't help herself from doing it.  "And what did he say, exactly, about having almost gotten us killed?  Not to mention the rest of what he's rumored to be responsible for." 

   "That he didn't do it," Luke answered, "not of his own power," he corrected.

   "And what, you think he could be telling the truth?"

   "I don't know if he is or not," Luke said evenly.

   "You can't tell if he's being honest with you – and you're going to teach this man, Luke?"

   He shook his head. "I know. But what else can I do?"

   Leia let go an exasperated breath. "You could say you'll have nothing to do with him. Send him away, for starters."

   He met her eyes, barely shaking his head.  "That's the only thing I know that I can't do, Leia."

   The silence was heavy for a few moments.

   "Come on," he said finally, giving her a half smile. "Let's get to work."

   She pulled her mind away from the disagreement and nodded to him.  If nothing else, the two of them were used to sharing the same stubbornness in their opinions, and the same strong wills in doing what they felt was needed. Necessarily, they were able to disagree with each other.

   Leia cleared her mind as they started with her exercises, and the world slipped into a background murmur of the twins, Winter and Lara with them, and always Luke's patient instruction. She focused herself on her brother's clam presence and concentrated on reaching out to touch the Force in the ways that he had shown her.

   When she stopped for a break she was surprised to see that their audience had increased. Winter was feeding Jaina while Lara was holding Jacen (sleeping, to her shoulder) and sitting cross-legged on the floor talking quietly with a boy of about eighteen.  Leia started to ask about him when she remembered: Luke's student from Orem.    

   Luke was still finishing a train of thought as they walked over. Winter had put Jaina down for a nap and was offering to take Jacen.  Lara stood to hand him to her, a careful hand behind his head and neck, but not even so much as a jostle with him. Leia kissed her sleeping son and thanked Winter as she went to put him down by his sister.

   Atamvr stood too, and Luke introduced him to Leia. They spoke for a few minutes, then Luke and Leia crossed back to the center of the room to resume their work.  Lara and Atamvr sat down again to watch, and Atamvr soon fell speechless, entranced as he watched Leia's work with the lightsaber.

   She picked up her defensive stance again as the remote rose into the air.  It lurched to each side and then above her before the remote finally released a string of light energy bolts.  These bolts were specially designed to inflict no pain; there was no energy discharge, only a slight pinching sensation if one got through her defenses. 

   Leia blocked all but the last bolt, which caught her hip as she pivoted to block the one just above it. 

   Luke reached out with the Force to shut off the remote.  Leia took a deep breath as she shut down her lightsaber and opened her eyes to face her brother. 

   He nodded. "Your reaction time is good. You're letting the Force guide your defense moment-to-moment and it's coming smoothly to you, but you've got to open yourself up a little more to anticipate what's coming next." 

   He took his own lightsaber from his belt to ignite it with a slight popping hiss and a glow of green light, and he showed her the motion.  "You were blocking the first bolt, here, while the second was coming at you from under it. With a larger motion," his lightsaber extended closer to the floor, "you could have blocked both and been ready for the next attack," Luke finished, pivoting out to come back to a ready stance. 

   Leia nodded and reactivated her own lightsaber as he stepped back, ready to start again.

   "How long has she been training?" Atamvr asked from Lara's side.

   "She's been learning for years, but she's only ha