New Beginnings pt II  

   ~@~New Tests

   Luke and Lara both felt the heavy weight of those disturbing rumors that had finally become undeniable fact. The unnerving reality stayed with them as they walked back up to their guest suite, each lost in the silence of heavy thoughts. There was a dark Force user out there, now, out of control.... Luke looked across the bedroom and met the anxious gaze of his new bride with a grim smile.  Her eyes swept over him as she walked to him and found his arms easily. The growing ease of that familiarity made Luke smile from her embrace, but he suddenly felt unspeakably tired; he wished that they could turn time back, just an hour or so, to when their only concern was that they had only one more night to spend together here.

   "I'm sorry," Luke finally said sadly, at a loss. "I know this sounds small compared to all the rest," he admitted, "but I keep wishing that the news could have waited, just one more day."

   Lara smiled. "I wanted one more night with you too, before we would have to return to reality.... But our reality is here too, and we've still got the rest of our lives together. Remember?" she smiled up at him, hoping that the playfulness in her question would help lighten his worry.

   Luke smiled back at her reassuringly, but there was no play in his expression. Beneath the smile that was meant to reassure, his gaze was troubled and distracted....  He nodded and kissed her forehead before he pushed back from her gently, giving in to the weariness that he was feeling. They both had already changed into more comfortable clothes and gone through the motions of readying themselves for sleep. Luke wasn't terribly hopeful of sleep when he had no idea what tomorrow would bring, but he found himself longing for the simple escape of peaceful sleep. The soft bed sheets tugged comfortingly against the loose legged pants he wore as his feet found the bed covers. Lara had also dressed casually, comfortably, for sleep.  Wearing a snug, sleeveless undershirt and loose legged pants, she turned out the lights and slid under the sheets beside him.

   The minutes passed slowly. Neither could sleep.

   Lara turned to face her husband, reached her arm across him. "I wanted one more night with you," she whispered, "and I got one more... this one."

   Luke rubbed the arm that she had offered to him, accepting and returning the warmth in her gesture; then his eyes flickered to rest on hers, and Luke shifted uneasily.

   "I feel just as close to you now as I ever have; this is just as real to me, Luke," she added. "We can face this together."

   She could see something in his eyes change, lift, lighten, as he understood what it was she wanted from him. The tension between them melted. The distance that had been there a moment ago, alongside the worries and the troubled thoughts, had faded.  Its unfamiliar discomfort was replaced by something that was warm and familiar. Luke offered her his own arm, asking her for the comfort of her presence, and she moved close to him in reply. Lying close to his side, her head tucked under his chin, Lara opened her emotions to his.

   She was willing to share in what he was feeling, and Luke responded to that, opening himself where he hadn't realized there had been closure before. He closed his eyes and held Lara tightly, accepting the amazing gift that she offered him: a sharing of the bad, as willingly as the good.

   "When I asked you to marry me," he finally broke the silence, "I knew that I would be asking a lot of you. But when I thought of all that we would share, everything that I would hope to give you....  I still somehow hoped that I could shield you from these trials. It amazes me that you want this, that you want to walk through this with me."

   "You didn't ask a lot," she corrected him softly, "you asked everything of me, Luke. And I accepted."   His heart swelled with a half dozen conflicting emotions, and the turmoil within him didn't magically disappear in her embrace – far from it – but despite so much worry and uncertainty, sorrow and regret, he could also feel the tension inside him lessen with the passing minutes.

   They lay together in the calm silence, her hand barely moving against his chest, his arms' hold gradually softening around her.  "What will you do?" Lara finally asked him.

   "Find him. Turn him if I can," came his ominous and deadly serious answer. 

   Lara closed her eyes against him and nodded, feeling the silence tighten around them.  "I know you have to," she whispered, trying to keep her voice clear of the conflict she felt.  This was a task for a Jedi Knight, requiring all the strength and knowledge that that designation entailed....  She couldn't help him this time. As much as she wanted to believe otherwise, deep down Lara knew that her involvement in this wouldn't be an asset to him; worse, it could be a danger to them both. 

   Even that cold logic didn't make it easy to put emotion aside. If he was going into danger, she wanted to go with him; that was her nature. And if it was hard not to be afraid for him, knowing full well what he had to face, it was impossible to know that he would leave her and go into this danger alone.  She hated that anything could take him from her, but especially this – she knew its power; and especially now – she knew his love.

   Luke felt her struggle, and it pained him. A Jedi's commitment to the Force must be absolute.... It is rare that a union of spirits can complement this without leading either part to suffer.... Master Neese had spoken those words to each of them, as a warning, but the warning had hardly put a dent in their determination to marry, in their confidence that they could beat the odds. At the time, Luke had thought far more about how the two of them would complement each other than how marriage might complement his duty as a Jedi. They had known that it wouldn't be easy; they had talked about the risks, but those conversations hadn't prepared him for this: the simple, intense heartache of a wife who didn't want to be separated from her husband, and knew that she would have to let him go. Luke's fingertips softly stroked against Lara's hair and her face. He wished that he could touch and soothe the heartache as easily... and, with a sigh, he understood why this was so hard, so rare.

   "I knew this would come," Lara said quietly. "I didn't expect it to come so soon," she whispered, and she snorted gently at the excuse.  No amount of time would make the idea of what he had to face or her inability to help him in it any easier to accept. 

   She could sense him struggling for something to say, trying to find something that could make it easier for her, and she felt herself smile. "This is you, Luke.  This is what you have to do," she said softly.  "I know that."  The change came gradually into her emotions, acceptance between what she knew in her mind and heart, and the sea of difficult emotions that came with it. "I'll stand with you," Lara decided, her voice quietly strong, "no matter what comes. And I'll be with you, even if we're apart," she whispered.

   "Thank you." Luke tightened his arms around her, feeling his own strength renewed in the strength of her resolve. A few more moments passed to the embrace, the quiet acceptance they both felt, and the strength that was shared through it. "I knew it would come too. Darkness can only be held at bay for so long before a light must meet it... banish it to the shadows again.... The dark side of the Force will always be there, and the light must always come forward to face it.  Knowing that doesn't make the reality any easier."

   The palm of his hand moved over her left arm as he spoke.  "And I don't like having to leave you," Luke confided very softly. Lara watched his fingertips play gently on the shared white and gold tones of her dedication band, and she knew that he was remembering too: no matter what happened, they would each always carry a part of the other.

~

   "Do you think word has reached Coruscant yet?" she asked him on their approach.  The return trip to Coruscant had seemed longer in light of their circumstances. They had left Areisabia at first light and, given the time differential, they expected to arrive at Coruscant in the early morning, well before dawn.  Judging by the muted flow of traffic across the glittering lights of the darkened city planet, it looked as though they had done so.

   "If the media has gotten hold of it, it's a good chance," Luke answered grimly.

   This was exactly what Coruscant didn't need. The New Republic was just starting to refocus from dealing with the Imperial Remnants, and Luke finally felt ready to begin the difficult work of rebuilding the Jedi; no one needed a reminder of the dark side: the kind of power Vader had possessed, and the way that he had used it.

   "But if all they have is media reports, the Senate will want to investigate before taking any action."

   Luke nodded. Lara was right about the Senate. Their first inclination would be to send in a team to investigate, hoping all the while that they would find a false alarm, just as Luke had hoped months ago.... 

   "And we're dealing with far rim planets and systems. News and information travel slowly anyway, and the locals don't tend to welcome outsiders, wether their governments recognize the New Republic or not."

   "Not including the systems that are actually in Tritis space," Lara interjected grimly. "We know we'll get little to no cooperation out of them."

   "Right," Luke agreed as grimly, "but for many of those rim systems there's simply no viable government in place to communicate with, just a collection of local leaders."

   "Squabbling for power."

   "And wary of outside interference."

   "That's going to make it hard to tell what's really going on in those systems." 

   Luke nodded but said nothing.  His eyes worriedly scanned the ship's readings.

   "I know that for Coruscant, more information is a necessity, but, Luke, starting an investigation like this is going to tie up our resources and allow that renegade to go unchecked for who knows how long." 

   "Unless they actually manage to find him," Luke breathed.  The thought made him wince. Based on the news line he had read yesterday and the trail of rumors that had preceded it, Luke knew that this situation was for real, and perhaps right now it was at its most pivotal.  If this individual remained unchecked the carnage would not only continue but escalate.  A New Republic investigative team wouldn't change that.  Luke had to be the one to face this, whether the Senate liked it or not.  He had to tell them that.

   "You don't think they'll want you to go," Lara surmised from his troubled silence.

   "Aside from Leia and Mon Mothma, no," he answered. "The Council won't like the idea of me being involved, and I may not have the luxury of time to change their minds."  They had a strong supporter of the Jedi in Mon Mothma, as well as support in a good deal of the core systems, but many more Senators and the systems that they represented still remembered the Emperor and Darth Vader too well to be willing to trust their fates to a Jedi, even when that man was the hero of the Rebellion. 

   "But you think that Leia and Mon Mothma will bring it before the Senate."

   "They'll have to; this won't be kept quiet for long, and it's too big for the Council to handle alone. Innocent beings are being made to suffer; lives are being lost.  It has to stop, and I'm the only one who can make that happen.  The Senate needs to understand that; they've got to send me," he said more quietly.

   "Will they understand?"

   "I don't know," Luke answered honestly.

   "And if they don't?" she questioned.

   Luke shook his head. "I've got to hope that they will.  Going against the Senate sets a dangerous precedent; it plays right into the hand of those senators who already believe that there's no way Jedi can be kept accountable to the New Republic. Acting without their permission is dangerous and ill-advised – it's not what I would choose," he finished he heavily. Their eyes met, and his thoughts were plain to see; none of this was what Luke would have chosen, and his choices were quickly dwindling....

   "But I will, if they leave me no other option," he decided.  "If they leave me no other way, then I'll have to act independently." The determination he was feeling faltered just slightly. "I just hope I'm ready...."  He offered no explanation for that thought, spoken aloud, and Lara didn't press him to explain; she didn't need for him to.

   "You will be," she answered, certain of that. 

   It was a different voice that echoed in his mind.  Yeah, you will be. 

   Luke felt very much as he had on that day. He did not know what challenge awaited him, only that it would not be easy. The dark side of the Force was dangerous and complex, and he was no longer so certain of his own readiness.... Now, unlike then, he had the good sense to be afraid.  Only a fool would face the dark side and have no fear of it, of losing the battle, of losing himself to it.... Luke had learned those lessons a long time ago. The result of that cave on Dagobah and his own recklessness.

   Lara knew his doubts; she could feel the conflict they brought to his emotions.  But Luke was a Jedi Knight, and he would control his emotions. He had no fear of danger, or even of death; he trusted in the Force to guide him through those things. The possibility of his own failure was the only ghost that haunted Luke Skywalker.  If he couldn't turn this person, could he bring himself to end it?  And failing that, what of the rest of the galaxy, his responsibility....

   "Do you have any idea why? What could be causing this – rampage?" she asked the question almost as a distraction, and Luke answered it without pausing to give the matter a lot of thought.

   "The dark side holds the promise of power, by feeding off aggressive emotions."

   Once you've started down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny... consume you it will.... Yoda's teachings were still fresh in Luke's mind after all these years, but neither Yoda nor Ben would be there to help him this time.  This time the challenge would be his own to face – just him against the powers of the dark side.

   "This is the first time I've had to face this, just me."

   "Not just you, Luke – the Force is with you. It will guide you."

   Luke nodded. She was right. The Force would be his ally, and that would have to be enough. Far too much depended upon his success for failure to become an option.

~

   Halfway across the galaxy, it was another late night in Imago's office.

   "I see you've been making waves for yourself again," Imago mused almost soothingly into the darkened room before he turned on the light and stepped inside.  He had increased his security twofold since the last unexpected visit, and at least this time he had known of his visitor's presence in advance. Maybe next time he could manage to control his access.

   The man called Tritis shut down the holo pad he had taken from Imago's desk and directed his attention toward Imago with a slight raise of his eyebrows.  "Well, I've got to get Skywalker's attention somehow," he offered simply. "And I can't think of a better way than inflicting the dark side on some of those who once sought my destruction." He broke off to change the subject abruptly, his voice taking on a strange new tone.  "How is your end coming?"

   "All is in place," Imago answered cautiously, watching his visitor's mannerisms very carefully.  His experience with the Force was minimal but his experience with homicidal egos was considerably greater, and Imago had no intention of compromising himself to this dangerous man.  "The technology you require is prepared," he added, "and my associate won't miss me, for a short time. Have you a location?" he prompted.

   "Yes.  Here will do," he answered simply.

   "Here?" Imago floundered.

   "Why not?" Tritis challenged him evenly.

   "My inventions – and all of my records are here. If something goes wrong–"

   "If your part is in order, then nothing can go wrong," he cut through Imago's argument. 

   "Give me time to prepare another site, a more appropriate site, and to relocate some of my more sensitive projects." Imago made the hurried suggestion with a mix of desperation and hope.

   Tritis nodded slowly, giving in to the concession and looking beyond it. His eyes were dark and burning. "I will succeed," he stated, his voice full and vibrating with the strength of his own ambitions; the deceptively quiet tone threatened anyone who did not take him seriously. "One way or the other, the galaxy will learn. They will come to respect my power," he grated, "and fear my name. All will bow down before me – or be destroyed.  Starting with Luke Skywalker."

~

   It was very late, but before Luke even opened the door to his quarters he knew that Lara was waiting anxiously for him inside.  He had just returned from an emergency meeting of the Senate Inner Council. He and Lara had managed to beat the news here, and the moment they arrived Luke had contacted Leia.  After hearing what he had to say, she had called the emergency Council meeting.

   Lara set aside a cup of tea that she had been stirring more than drinking, and she got to her feet as the door closed behind Luke. He stepped inside, and Lara waited for him to break the uneasy silence. 

   "They have agreed to bring the matter before the Senate. But we have very few facts to go on as of yet. The Senate may easily refuse me permission to intercede in this," Luke stated evenly, "at least until we know more.... The Council already feels it would be safer to send in an advanced team, diplomatic, investigative."  His voice hinted at his regret over such a course of action.

   Lara was speechless for a moment, stunned at the display of ignorance and paranoia that such a decision betrayed. "A diplomatic team?  He's got no intention of negotiating. Negotiators are for hostage situations," her voice rose over the last few words, and Lara shook her head, tightly. "Not mass genocides." 

   Luke nodded. "I agree, and I'll argue against it. Leia has told me that she will too."

   Lara swallowed hard and sat down; her head was spinning. And, abruptly, her tone returned to a deadly quiet.  "If we send our people in to negociate, they won't return alive."

   "I know." Luke's eyes rested heavily on hers for a moment. Then, restlessly, he turned and shed his Jedi robe, but he stopped short of putting it away.  He would need it again soon.  Instead, Luke walked the rest of the way inside and draped his robe over the back of the sofa.  The Senate would take up their debate in a few short hours. There was little use in trying to sleep....  Luke rubbed tiredly at his eyes as he sank down into the sofa beside Lara.  She put her arm through his, holding on to his left arm with both of hers as she leaned against his shoulder, resting her head there; the motion was reassuring to Luke.

   He kissed her forehead and took a deep breath. "You're tired; why don't you try to get some sleep?" he suggested gently.

   "No. I'll stay here with you."

   Luke smiled. "You mean you'll fall asleep on my shoulder," he teased.

   Lara stifled a laugh.  "Just wake me before you leave."

   "Deal," Luke conceded, still smiling. Consciously relaxing himself, he checked the chrono again. Just a few hours from now, he would stand before the Senate to make the most important address of his life... if only they would hear him....

~

   It was very early morning, not yet daylight, not yet early enough for most of the planet to be stirring and still several hours before the Senate's convening. Luke had been right about her; Lara had been sleeping quite soundly with her head on his shoulder, until just a moment ago. Now she awoke uncomfortably and looked to the chrono to check the time.  It was almost the start of a new day... the start of the most painful day. She swallowed the bitter taste and settled her head back against Luke's shoulder, but she couldn't relax.  A few more moments slowly passed and, gingerly, she let go of his arm, moving closer to Luke's side.

   His consciousness changed; he hadn't been asleep but deeply relaxed, something closer to meditation. She grimaced at having disturbed him; that hadn't been her intention, but Luke didn't take offense.  Easily, he reached his arm around her; the motion only prompted her to move closer, hold on tighter.  

   "What's wrong, Sweetness?" he asked gently, the earlier weariness gone from his voice, and replaced with quiet worry. 

   She closed her eyes a little tighter, not trusting herself to speak. She just wanted the comfort of his embrace, needed his warmth against the unfathomable strength of cold emotions.

   Luke held her tighter, understanding the need, and then connecting why.  He had only felt that depth of need and pain in her once before.  It was the past that had woken her. "Today," he breathed.  "It's three years, today."

   She nodded, a small movement against him. 

   "I'm sorry," he breathed again, closing his eyes.  "With everything else, I didn't remember. And I should have, Sweetness."

   "I didn't remember it either, until just now," Lara answered, cautiously finding her voice. 

   His arms moved more strongly around her. "What can I do?" Luke whispered.

   She smiled and edged closer to him.  "You already are," she responded.

   Luke held her in his arms until she found sleep again, and he sat awake, remembering.  It had been a year ago when he had gone to her on the roof, and it was then that he had first grasped the extent of her losses: the depth of her pain, and the guilt that she couldn't let go....  He had watched her grow beyond them both over this past year, but pain that deep never really left a person.  He knew it in himself.  You learn to cope, to live and to work through it, and gradually the sting fades.  But the pain never truly leaves you. It stays beneath the surface, subtly changing the way you see the world around you.  Then times like this, it tests you with the heart-stopping coldness of remembered emotions, every bit as vivid as those first, unchecked.

   This day would always be impossibly hard for Lara. With it came the return of all those emotions that were so hard to work through.  He kissed her, and gently rubbed her back as he closed his eyes.  A year ago. So much had happened for them in that year... and something that he couldn't place nagged at him.  There was something fleeting about that night... a remembered bit of conversation....  It fell into place just beyond the edge of conscious thought, as Luke drifted asleep.

~

   Luke paused to let the archives' door slide closed behind him, and he scanned the room to be sure no one else was in listening distance before he spoke.  "The Senate reacted as I expected they might."

   Lara felt the breath rush out of her.  This wasn't unexpected... but they had still been hoping against it.  "They've recoiled against the Jedi, then."

   "This is a only small show of the danger, some say, in bringing back the old order."

   Lara closed her eyes and lowered her head; this was a crushing blow, but they couldn't allow it to be the final blow.  "But that's where they're wrong," she stated passionately.  "If there were a strong order of Knights, the New Republic would be more able to face these trials." 

   She argued the point easily, as if it couldn't be more obvious, and Luke looked at her strangely for a moment.  Leia had made almost that exact argument before the Senate, and it had surprised him just as much then. The only two people who truly knew his doubts in that undertaking, and both had complete confidence in him to overcome it, to be able to move beyond it and build for the greater good.

   "In their minds, the more Force-strong beings I could train, the greater the chances become that one of them falls to the dark side," Luke pointed out grimly.

   "In their fears," Lara countered wryly.  "We could remind them that the old order held justice and peace for a thousand generations, despite that threat. Now someone has already found the dark side, and there's no one more able to deal with that danger than a Jedi Knight, than you."

   Luke nodded, his face darkening at the thought. 

   Lara grimaced at the change she felt in him. She had found herself thinking a lot about what Luke had said to her a short time ago, about his readiness. "I know you're unsure, Luke," she said softly. "We've seen both sides. Beings who feel the Force will find their way to it, with or without guidance. The dark side appeals to the weak, the powerless, and the fearful, as a way to escape those things. But the dark side can be overcome, and the light can have that same appeal. Only its way is much harder to find, almost impossible to find alone. Somebody has to show that way," she finished quietly.

   He was quiet.  Once more, Luke knew that that responsibility would have to fall to him. 

   One of Master Neese's thoughts kept returning to him, on strength, and wisdom, and doubt:  "True strength," the Master's hologram had told Luke, "is knowing when to fight. True wisdom, knowing what to fight against... and the double-edged blade of doubt..." he had called it.  "Doubt can be a great asset, keeping you humble and making you consider all possibilities at their full weight, even those which are the most unpleasant. But doubt can also be a great detriment, if you allow it to take your decisions from you, or to blind you to your own true potential." 

   The words echoed true, and Luke could see each side in himself.  It seemed less daunting though, as such an obvious choice.  If every person he could show the light side to would be a little better armed against the seduction of the dark side, against its promises of power through domination, by taking the easy paths of anger, fear, and aggression.... 

   "What happens now?" Lara asked worriedly.

   He brought his thoughts back to the immediate situation. "This doesn't change anything, not really. I'll wait as long as I can... hope that they'll come around.  If not... well, if not, I'll have to go against the Senate.  Find this being and deal with the threat without their permission."

   Lara nodded, but said nothing. She wasn't even looking at him, and Luke didn't like that.

   "What about you? Are you okay?"

   With everything in her she wanted to say: No.  No. This day – she only wanted it to be over.... But she couldn't say that to Luke. Despite the harshness in her feelings and the heavy weight of his news, it was still hard for her to fight off a smile at his concern.

   Even with the Senate meeting for most of the day, Luke had found excuses to check on her.  After his third excuse, it had been hard for her to hide that smile from him, but Luke had only smiled in return.  "So I'm no good at being sneaky," he had assessed with that shy lightness of his, making her laugh in response. 

   "I'm glad," she had stated through her laughter. "You don't need to be. I'm struggling, Luke," she had admitted, her smile fading behind the harsh admission, "but I'm okay," she reassured him.  It wasn't entirely true.

   "I'm here," he had reminded her very softly.

   "I know."  She had felt his voice, as strongly as she could hear it, and there was an undeniable intimacy in the way his voice penetrated her mind.  Without effort, he was aware of her feelings. Luke wasn't fooled by the tough front she put forward; neither was it his intent to make her face the underlying weaknesses.  He recognized her need to be strong and in control, especially when she was feeling neither of those things... and even though he stood close to her, there was also a sense of careful restraint about him; he would stay close, but he wouldn't push. 

   "When you need me, I'll still be here," he had promised.

   Lara had nodded and found the words that had dutifully sent him back to the Senate Chambers....  But she had only felt more lost and confused in his absence. She did need him.  That was the truth, and she didn't like hiding from him... there were just some things that she still couldn't imagine telling him, things that she didn't want to think about today. 

   After Luke had walked into the Senate Chamber early this morning, Lara had buried herself in the archives.  Aside from the welcome interruptions of Luke's visits, she had spent the day sorting through any recent news files that might be related to the renegade, looking for anything that might help sway the Senate's judgement in Luke's favor.  She had hoped that the work would help distract her, but she had had a hard time staying focused on anything that she was supposed to be looking for here.  It didn't help, knowing that her success would only send Luke into danger sooner.  She knew that it was unavoidable now, but, today, the possibility that he could be taken from her too was too much to face.

   Luke gently lifted her chin, prompting her to look in his eyes.

   There were only the walls of archive files here to keep watch over them, and those files didn't care about Lara's defenses, but it was still different from when the two of them were safely alone together.  And there was so much pain in her, still.... Her sense bristled against it, almost trapped by it. Luke flinched at that stray bit of emotion, and without thinking he opened his hand to touch her.

   His palm brushed the side of her face, and her gaze lowered again as the emotions within her intensified... conflicted. She wanted to draw back. She could push the pain away and protect herself; she was good at protecting herself.... But she was also tired, weary from the constant effort that self-preservation had required, years and years of it. Too many years, without rest and without comfort.

   "I don't know how I ever made it without you."

   His fingertips slid down to the nape of her neck, and his other arm moved around her waist as Luke moved closer to her. The combination made it easy for her to lean into his hold, and let her rest herself against him.

   "Actually, I do," she amended her statement quietly, "and it's much, much, harder."

   "I don't ever want you to have to go through that alone again. I can't make the pain go away," Luke whispered," but I can try to make it easier for you."

   "All the emotions are the same... but just having someone to understand makes it so much easier to handle." Her voice had become a soft mumble against his chest and shoulder as Lara let herself relax in his arms.

   Luke nodded. "I know. We've both tried to carry the weight alone, for our own protection, and to protect the people around us from it.  But the same burden, shared, is so much lighter. 

   "Thank you for showing me that," he whispered to her. 

   She shook her head against him, fighting off laughter. How he made this pain something to be thankful for, she didn't know, but somehow he did... and she loved him for it. 

   The thing that she had been asking herself all day, if she should tell him, lost its weight once more.

~

   Early the next day Luke found himself at Leia's door, needing to talk to her.  She opened the door, surprised to find him there, and she immediately stepped back to let him in. He stood watching her face for a heartbeat before stepping inside.  She looked a little pale, almost green, at finding him on her doorstep at this early hour.

   Leia had seen that look on him before. Among other things, he hadn't slept.

   "What's happened," she asked. 

   He shook his head. "It's nothing like that – I'm sorry," Luke grimaced, seeing the short list of worst possibilities fleeting from her with a relieved breath. 

   "Well, come on in," Leia offered, regaining her poise as she motioned him inside. 

   The suite was quiet except for the sound of one of the twins babbling in the other room while Winter tended to them, and it felt a little empty.  Aside from Winter and the twins – and the ever-present Nogrhi guard, always there, out of sight – Luke and Leia were the only ones here. Luke had remembered belatedly that Han and Chewie were away on assignment.

   Leia quickly repressed her next assumption, but Luke knew what she was thinking. She had a strong suspicion as to why he was here. He had felt the sharp change in his sister's sense, and Luke looked down uncomfortably; for the first time he began to reconsider if he should have come to her.

   "What is it, Luke?" she asked softly as she sat down beside him.

   He raised his eyes.  Leia had sensed his caution, and in the space of a second, probably without even being consciously aware of it, she had done what was needed to ease his mind.  She had let go of her own suspicions and assumptions, let go everything else that was cluttering her mind and emotions, so that her only concern now was him, and how troubled he was.

   It was probably a habit that had been learned in her political career... but it was an instinctive use of the Force. Leia was innately strong in the Force, and that strength ran far deeper than even she realized.  Luke felt a familiar twinge of guilt mix with his sense of pride for her.  Despite the controversy in the Senate over the renegade, despite the weight of Luke's responsibilities as a Jedi and his uncertainty in passing on that knowledge and responsibility, he wished that he could find a way to help Leia pursue her own training.

   Leia was waiting for his answer. The brief moment of insight had passed; there was nothing that he could now to forward Leia's training, or to speed up the Senate proceedings, or even to stop the renegade... but none of those things were the cause for the torment that was weighing on Luke's emotions this morning.

   "It's Lara," he said softly.

   If his sister remained unaware of his other thoughts, Leia could clearly sense his pain. She struggled not to jump to the conclusion that had seemed so obvious, almost from the moment he had come in, but that very possibility was burning through her mind.  Leia remembered the promises she had made a short time ago, that she wouldn't let Lara use him, and that there would be hell for her to pay if she hurt him....  Now it seemed that the bottom had dropped out on whatever it was that they shared – Leia had never understood what had drawn the two of them together in the first place, or made Luke so happy. 

   Leia took a deep breath. Despite her more fierce feelings, she was also sad.  Whatever else it had been, for Luke, it had been love.... For the first time, she was realizing that even if she hadn't expected it to last, for Luke's sake, Leia had hoped with all her heart that it would.

   "It's not like that either," he said softly, without looking to her. "Yesterday was the third anniversary of the day she returned home." 

   Leia nodded, feeling her heart tighten.  She understood the pain that went along with those days.  A decade later, she still dreaded the anniversary of Alderaan.

   Luke looked up to her, recognizing that she did understand.  "It was hard," he continued, "but I thought she was all right. She told me it was easier, and I thought–" he broke off, disappointed. "I thought I was helping her. I thought I knew..." his voice trailed away.

   "Knew what?" Leia prompted carefully.

   Luke struggled to find words, and then he sighed.  "I thought I knew the worst of it." He had sensed yesterday that there were things Lara wouldn't talk about, but he had assumed that her reluctance was just a part of the strain that she was feeling, the difficulty of painful memories.  Luke had been confident that if something more were wrong she would have told him. They had earned that trust.

   "But you didn't," Leia prompted again, leading him.

   "Not only that," he stated.  "I thought that I could help her through it."

   Leia smiled. "I'm sure you are," she assured him. "It's still going to be hard.  You know how hard it is, Luke – and three years' time, it's still fresh." She paused, stopping when she saw the pained expression on his face.

   "I love her, Leia, but I don't know if I can do this," Luke admitted uncertainly.

   She hadn't expected that, and for a moment the admission left Leia stunned, staring silently into his eyes.  Then she swallowed hard, gathering herself. "Tell me the whole thing, Luke."

   Luke sighed again, his voice becoming heavier as he spoke. "I thought she was all right yesterday.  But I woke up in the middle of the night last night. She was having a nightmare.  I couldn't wake her from it....  She was in such pain," Luke whispered, cringing against the memory.

   Leia touched him softly, prompting him to look back to her.

   "I couldn't help her against this thing in her own mind. She needed me to," he whispered.

   "She knew you were there," Leia spoke surely.  "On some level, she knew it."

   He shook his head. "She never did.  She couldn't feel anything past that awful pain." Luke put his head in his hands and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees.  "She just cried herself to sleep in my arms." 

   Leia responded by putting her arm around him, rubbing his back. 

   "Leia– I just needed her to know that I was there, that she wasn't alone.  I've never felt so helpless, and I still don't know how to help her."

   Leia moved closer to his side, and she hugged him for a long moment. "Do you think she was trying to keep it from you," she asked softly, "even to shield you from it?"

   Luke shook his head. "We talked, about that.  She was glad, that it had been easier than before."

   "Because of you. Hold on to that, Luke," she urged him, and she leaned down to look into his face.  "Remember something; she was alone with that pain for a long time. Sometimes you try to hold on to the past, and without realizing it you can cling to the pain and the guilt."

   He nodded, knowing that Leia was speaking from experience, knowing the truth from his own. Then Luke looked back to her again, searching for a way to say the deepest of his concerns. "She's given me a lot, Leia. She's let me into places neither of us knew we could reach, and she's shared so much of this.  I didn't ask it of her, I couldn't."

   He stopped.  "What now, if this is all she can give, and she can't let me into this? There's not much I wouldn't do for her, Leia, but I don't know if I can endure a lifetime of these nightmares, when there's nothing I can do to ease that pain, and she's so lost to me."

   Luke shivered at the thought, and Leia touched him again, gently supporting him.

   "I couldn't sleep," he finally spoke again.  "I lay awake holding her for the longest time, hoping that she would wake up, cry to me – anything. I would have taken anything," he whispered.

   Leia smiled tightly, her brow furrowing. "This is your weak spot, Luke: not being able to help."

   He smiled a little, at his sister's infamous way of boiling everything down.

   "You're thinking about the rest of your life, and it's far too soon for that, too close."  She smiled more easily, almost amused at the simplicity of her own advice. "Go talk to her. Tell her what you've told me.  I don't think she wants to hide this from you, and I don't think she wants you to be hurt by it."  Leia's smile turned begrudging; that admission had come more easily than she had expected.

   "Luke, no matter what, the past's pain is not worth losing the future's happiness." 

   Simplistic or not, she was rewarded when her brother's sense lightened hopefully.  "Thank you, Leia," he whispered as he hugged her.

~

   Lara was still sleeping when Luke came back in.  He sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed beside her and placed his hand to the top of her head. 

   Beyond the familiar sensations of numbness and exhaustion, Lara could feel Luke's worried sense hovering at her back, just as she felt his careful touch.  Too careful.  She took a deep breath and slowly turned to face him. 

   "I'm so sorry."  Lara closed her eyes against the overwhelming flood of emotions, both her own and his. She couldn't really remember the nightmare, or waking from it, but judging from his emotions Luke did remember it.

   His hand moved to cup her cheek. "You don't have to apologize to me," he offered gently, but his calm voice didn't quite hide the confusion underneath. His face was uncertain, and his eyes were full of pain and hesitation. He didn't know how to reach out to her; there wasn't any way for him to make this better... but his hand kept her gaze steady; he didn't want to let her duck away from him.

   She shook her head slightly. "I totally ambushed you with this. You didn't deserve that."

   He caressed her cheek as she sniffed, holding back tears from eyes that were still sore with crying.

   "You were afraid yesterday.  Couldn't you tell me?" Luke asked softly, his voice reaching out to her

   She let go a breath. "Yesterday... I kept asking myself, over and over, if I should tell you," she said.  Then she swallowed hard. "I didn't want to open it back up," she admitted quietly.  "I thought there was a chance..." her voice trailed away, its remembered hope fading.

   He nodded, and wiped at her tears as she sniffed again.

   Lara gave him a small smile. "Like not talking about it would ward it off," she chided herself weakly.

   "That wasn't what you thought would ward it off," he countered.

   She lifted a hand to his, looking back to him cautiously.  It hurt him that he hadn't been able to give her that, to protect her from something that hurt her so badly. 

   She shook her head again.  "I was reaching.  If I had talked to you about it, explained everything.... I knew it could still come back; I don't really expect it to go away," she admitted meekly.

   A confused furrow creased his forehead.  Three times, she had said that: it.  It could still come back?  Luke had been talking about emotions, the painful feelings that yesterday had triggered, but Lara was talking about something very specific.

   It was the unnerving tone to her voice that triggered his memory.  "This is what you were so afraid of, a year ago, that night on the roof – isn't it?"  The missing connection reoccurred to him now. She had asked him then, if he ever had nightmares....  "I do," she had answered....

   Luke had been so worried about the future that he hadn't stopped to consider the past, hadn't realized that what had happened last night was more than just a ghost from her past, brought on by the old pain and old guilt. This nightmare was a familiar reoccurrence for Lara; it haunted her. A chill ran down his spine as he put the thought into words.  "You've had these nightmares before."

   Lara nodded. "Since I returned home."

   Luke swallowed hard. "Will you tell me about it now?" he asked, and she nodded again.

   It had begun the night after she'd seen Moranda off. She told him how she had wandered through the house she had grown up in, unable to find sleep, to find peace.  She had felt the ghosts.  Finally she'd gone outside, found the place that she had avoided before. Reaching to touch it, the images had come to her, like a memory that she couldn't stop from replaying, the awful last minutes of their lives.

   "I didn't sleep much anyway," Lara managed.  "But the nightmares started coming after that," she said softly.  Over time they decreased, but I could always count the anniversaries by them: weeks, months, years....  Then you came into my life, and changed me. I stopped wearing the grief and guilt like a shield from life, from caring.  I wanted to believe," she struggled, "that I could be free from this too. I know I'll never forget, any of it," she struggled again. "It's just so awful a reminder."

   Luke shivered, and Lara felt her stomach give a funny jolt.  "You saw it too; you saw everything, didn't you?" 

   He didn't have to answer.  Luke just bent down to hold her. 

   Lara closed her eyes tight.  "I'm so sorry, Luke," she whispered.  He had been there with her, seen the terrible visions that haunted her... and if that wasn't bad enough, she knew how deeply it hurt him that that pain had separated them.

   "I love you, Lara," he whispered in her ear. He had fallen in love with her stubborn strength and her painful vulnerability, and he had seen more of each of them than he had ever imagined existed. But the more she allowed him to see, the closer they became, he was learning that it was her heart that was her biggest strength.  No matter what she was feeling, or how much she was hurting, it was all but impossible for her to hold herself back from him. Even now, she was worried about him.

   "We'll be okay," he whispered.

   "I really hurt you," she stated softly; she felt it in his reaction. "Was it that bad?" she breathed numbly.

   "You don't remember.

   She shook her head.  "Sometimes I don't. I know it happened, but I don't remember it." 

   "It was bad," he admitted. "I couldn't wake you, couldn't comfort you.  You struggled against it, against me.  All I could do was hold you, and wait for it to end." Luke took a deep breath. "When the nightmare finally faded, I kept telling you that it was over.  I told you that you were safe and that I was here with you. But you couldn't feel me," he whispered. "I couldn't reach you."

   She tightened her arms around him. "I feel you now."

   He let go a strained breath and held her tighter.

   "Oh, Luke," she whispered, "I never wanted this to hurt you."

   "Don't worry about me," Luke breathed. He slowly released the embrace and pulled back to look in her eyes.  "You've worked through so much," he stated quietly. "We'll find a way through this too."

   "You think so?" she asked softly, reflexively.

   "I do."

   "And what if it never gets any easier, Luke?" she persisted.

   "It will," he said softly. "I'm sure of that."

   She released a breath, shaking her head. "I don't know how you can be, after last night."

   He faced her.  "I felt that way too, at first," he admitted. "Then, this morning, I talked to Leia."  Lara registered surprise, but she only nodded and let him continue. "She made me remember something," Luke continued easily. "You were alone with this on you, for too long, Lara.  That doesn't go away overnight.

   "But it will get better. Pain fades, in time, and in time the old guilt and insecurities will lose their strengths. It will get better," he whispered. "And we've got time," he smiled as he reminded her of that. 

   She smiled weakly. "I love you so much," she whispered, "I can almost believe it." 

~

   Luke awoke from a restless sleep.  Almost a month had passed since their return to Coruscant, and his sleep had become increasingly poor over that month.  Even in the face of building and disturbing evidence, the Senate majority was reluctant to warrant his involvement in the case of the renegade.  Every day he asked himself how much longer he could wait, and how much longer more innocent victims could afford for him to wait.  Luke was torn between following what the New Republic asked of him and what he would require of himself... for his service was not only to the elected government, but also to the public they represented.

   He glanced over to Lara who was still asleep at his side, and he took a breath, mildly relieved by that fact; he usually couldn't avoid waking her.  As a result she had been sharing in his lacking schedule, and she had been spending a lot of her time trying to gather more information on the illusive renegade.  Between Mara's sources and NRI, the information was coming in, slowly. The more they found, the less both slept. 

   He touched her gently, wanting to edge her a little more toward the peaceful sleep she deserved. This could be his burden for a night. He could give her that small gift.

   Luke lay back and sighed.  Only the fact that there had been no more attacks stayed his decision.  He couldn't stand by and allow innocent lives to be lost, not when he could prevent it....  He caught himself wondering if Ben had once had the same thought.  The Jedi Knight must have felt torn between the responsibility of protecting Luke, and knowing of the destruction that Vader was wreaking on the galaxy from the Emperor's side.

   A feeling of suffocation came over him and Luke sat up against it, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He paused there with his feet brushing the floor.  The analogy didn't quite follow, he knew, because he wasn't bound to Coruscant as Ben had been to him on Tatooine. Plus, protecting the New Republic would have to include facing this new threat, eventually.  But the seed of the thought had taken, and his emotions turned to Ben.  As in all the hardest decisions, and hardest times of his life, Luke longed for Obi-Wan's guidance – and felt his loss. 

   Lara sat, waking easily, and she moved to the side of the bed behind him.  Luke's longing and struggle was almost tangible as she touched him.  She expected him to register reassurance or perhaps embarrassment at feeling her concern for him, but he showed neither. He felt far away from her, all his energies consumed by his inner struggle.

   Luke forced himself to breathe and he closed his eyes as Lara wrapped her arms around him. Encircling his arms and his chest with her own arms, she pressed her cheek to the back of his shoulder and closed her eyes to feel the pain with him.

   It came in waves, deepening degrees of the old realizations: what was lost to him, and what was to be faced alone....  Then something in his emotions gradually began to change. As the sting of the hurt faded, he started to feel the truth in what she was giving to him.  There, in the simple warmth of her embrace and the comfort freely offered in the feel of her body pressed to his, Luke knew the depth of her love for him.  It was nothing to her, to bring his deepest pain on herself in order to ease its weight upon him.  She gave that as physically as she held him, with a grip that wouldn't relent until he was ready to ask it.

   He whispered her name, but his voice sounded weak in his own ears, as he struggled through those things he couldn't put into words.

   Her arms shifted around him, and tightened again.  "It's okay," she whispered.

   Luke closed his eyes again and felt himself give up the last of the pain and doubt he had been holding inside.  Even as he did he wished desperately for a reprieve from the experience; it was a torture to feel those things.  Luke felt his will falter, in weakness and uncertainty, as he fought against himself. He knew that the only way to get through this was to meet it head on – but something in him still cried out, that he didn't want this fight, that he would break under its full weight.

   "I love you, Luke," he felt Lara whisper.  He felt her through it, her breath at his back, and the strength of her arms as she shifted closer to him again; her voice and her hold on him reminded him that he wasn't alone. "Everything you feel inside you, is safe with me," she breathed. He felt a stunned breath leave him as the truth in those words touched his heart, and he reached a hand for her, holding on to her arm, returning part of her embrace.

   They stayed that way for a long while. He didn't have words to repay what she had given him in the release: the permission to feel those things without fear, and share them without shame. He felt clearer, freer.

   Her hands moved on him gently, and she touched his cheek with her fingertips as he turned to face her.

   "Don't you know how much I believe in you?" she asked, looking deep into his eyes. "There's nothing you can't do, Luke.  There's nothing in you to fear."  She spoke to the things she had felt from him, and his eyes locked on hers for a long moment.

   She smiled gently, and a little sadly. "You still don't see it."

   He closed his eyes, and slowly pulled her to him.  "I've seen too much, Lara," he whispered, his voice brushing her ear as he held her close. "I used to believe that way – until Bespin," he realized, taking a breath. 

   "But my father changed that. Everything he was to Ben, and the good person I was able to help bring him back to....  That still didn't keep him from the dark side, from all that Vader was, and all the people who suffered because he was."  Luke fell painfully silent. "I can never forget that. 

   "I believe in what I do with each day of my life, not just what's inside," he stated, the strength returning to his voice.  "It has to be that way," he added certainly. 

   Lara pushed back from him gently, a hand moving to his shoulder. "It does have to be both, but there's a difference between knowing the worst you're capable of, and being a hostage to it."  She paused, and her hand reached to cup his neck as she spoke again. "I hate that you doubt yourself this way," she whispered, barley shaking her head.  She sighed, at the hurt and the doubt.  "But I can't help, that."

   She smiled after a moment, begrudgingly accepting what she knew wasn't in her power to change. "I guess we'll have to balance it out," she decided.  "I don't doubt you at all," she whispered strongly.

   "Because you love me," he said softly, letting his arms move down her back.

   "That's only part of it," she answered honestly. "I also know you, Luke.  I know what's deep inside you, good and bad. I know that the old wounds are hard to close, but you don't give yourself enough credit for facing what you have. You've seen some of the worst, and you've turned away from it. That takes so much strength, and courage."

   "But the past is no guarantee against the future."

   "No, but it is a measure of you. Everything you live through shapes you, who you are, who you will be."

   He looked at her for a long moment, considering her thoughts and emotions warily.

   Impasse, Lara couldn't help thinking to herself.

   She smiled to him, letting go slowly, and slowly moving away.

   They lay back down, close beside each other.

   "Was Bespin that moment for you?" she asked. They faced one another, their arms overlapping as they held hands. "That you knew nothing would ever be the same," she clarified.

   Luke nodded. "Even more than everything that happened to me when I left home. That was chaos, and it ended a part of my life that was everything I'd known until then. But Bespin changed me." He shook his head in emphasis.  "Everything I thought I knew, thought I was, thought I wanted." He paused heavily. "That was the first time I really felt how life could change, in a matter of seconds, and I knew that nothing could be the same after."

   This time Lara nodded. "It was like that for me too, the change.  Leaving home was a closing, and when I looked back I thought the Empire would be the thing that tested me. It changed so much in me, and it changed how I saw myself... but I was still holding on to home, still thinking that I'd go back and life would continue, almost unchanged....  Then I did go back, and in that heartbeat between before and after," she shrugged, and lost her train of thought for a moment.  "Everything before was gone, and didn't matter.  Nothing after could ever be the same."

~

   The following day Lara stood with Luke in the Grand Corridor.  They were reviewing new reports from the outer rim as they waited for the Senate's next convening, where Coruscant's standing on the renegade would be reevaluated.

   Luke suddenly looked up, distracted. Mara wasn't due on Coruscant for another couple of days, but he clearly felt her sense; she was drawing closer at a quick clip. In another moment she came into sight, and the look on her face confirmed what he already suspected: bad news.

   Mara brought news of another attack, and this time there were heavy casualty numbers. 

   Luke looked between the two women, first reading Lara's game face and then taking measure of Mara's more vivid expression. 

   "This has to stop," Mara bit out a moment later. "They can't overlook it any more.  It's not going away."

   He nodded to her, his mood darkening further.  Then he glanced to Lara.  She remained quiet, but he could sense that she was in agreement. What's more, she knew what he would have to do. 

   Luke stepped into the Senate main hall, ready to inform them of his decision.

~

   Mara stood still for a few moments after he had gone in, cooling down. In his absence, the slightest inkling of doubt occurred to her.  Skywalker was the only person who could do this, but he was also deeply vulnerable to a ruse of this kind given his history with her, and Vader, and C'baoth.

   It would be this renegade's first assumption that Luke would want to turn him and, frankly, Mara wondered if he could find the killer instinct to finish the job, if he had to... and something told her that he might have to. She shook herself away from those thoughts and turned to Lara, feeling the other woman's eyes upon her.

   "You don't think he can do it."  Lara's calm gaze leveled on Mara; she made the statement simply, but her face also flinched, just slightly, at the accusation. 

   "I hope he doesn't have to, but it doesn't really matter what any of us hope; I don't think he'll be given a choice," Mara returned.  Her expression remained unapologetic as she watched Lara. There was no such doubt in Lara's expression, Mara noted.

   The two of them suited each other, she realized with a snort.  Lara carried none of Skywalker's blind, farm boy idealism. Like her, Lara had seen too much of the wrong things to believe so easily in the right ones.  But she still carried all of his sense of honor and loyalty, two things Mara had never considered especially valuable until she'd faced Luke Skywalker.  Now she saw their value. 

   Mara put the thought aside and smiled, a tight line, to Lara.  "I would never have thought, you two," she finally stated appraisingly.

   Lara smiled back, a little more than the same, and nodded. "Neither would I.  What I would have missed," she mused more softly. 

   "I told Luke.  I don't think I said it to you....  Congratulations," Mara shrugged. 

   Pleasantries were still a little strained between them, creating more of an air of amusement than the circumstances truly warranted.

   "Thanks," Lara conceded with a slight nod. "But you did more than enough to get this back to me," she offered easily, pulling the pendant that she wore around her neck almost constantly into view. "I never thought I'd see it again," she added quietly, "and it's the only thing I have of my brother.

   "Thank you's not enough," Lara admitted, "and I know it must have been hard to come by," she spoke the understatement as a challenge, pulling them back to easier ground.

   Mara took the lead she offered, eagerly. "You have no idea the collection of mementoes the keeper at that Ruasel pit had," she informed Lara with a wicked grin. "And he was none too anxious to part with that one.  I think he was hanging on to it to remind him of the one that got away," she added with a wicked grin.

   Lara only shook her head, suppressing a smile. She could image that rather vividly.

~

   Back at their suite a short time later, Luke rounded out his small bag of essentials and attached his lightsaber back to his side. Lara stood and cautiously reached around his waist, looking in his eyes. The moment had finally come.

   He smiled at her, bent to kiss her. 

   Lara returned his kiss and lifted her eyes back to him.  "I love you, Luke.  Just be careful."

   "I will," he answered easily and kissed her again. "I love you too," Luke whispered as he hugged her.

   He didn't want to let go.  A short time ago they had each been willing to accept this risk, but given the past few weeks.... Now the risks seemed that much more daunting.  He didn't know, didn't want to know, what it would do to Lara if he didn't come back from this....

   She felt the twinge in his emotions as Luke slowly released his hold, and Lara knew that he was worried about more than the renegade.  She kissed him again. "We'll be okay, remember?" she whispered, prompting him to smile and kiss her back, before they parted.

   "Yeah," he breathed, smiling as he pushed her hair back from her face, "I remember." Luke picked up his travel bag and slung it across his shoulder.

   Slowly, the two of them began the short walk to the landing pads.

~

   Due to the unusual nature of his trip, there was a larger crowd than usual there to see Luke off.  The trip's purpose had captured attention, along with the controversy that had been generated by the Senate's unwillingness to grant its approval. Luke answered a few questions from the news officials who crowded into the atrium area, and stepped past them for the platforms, his pace remaining constant.  Their voices rose in final attempts and were silenced as he reached the more restricted access of the traffic buffer zones.

   The public goodbyes at the platform were a matter of tradition and formality.  He exchanged restrained hugs and serious farewells with family members and a few of the Senate officials who had come to show their support, but he couldn't help but smile at Lara, at the novelty of having her there in that capacity. She smiled back as he kissed her forehead, and she squeezed his hand as he took a step back from her, and turned to go.  

   Lara stood silently for a few moments after he had lifted off, oblivious to the chaos of Coruscant's busy afternoon and the sea of news officials who were waiting to lap after her for their public interest stories. Strange, the stray thought occurred to her, that her first public function as his wife had been this.  They still managed to treat it as though she were hostess for some gala event.

   There was a hand at her shoulder, and she turned to see Leia standing behind her. 

   She smiled at Lara gamely, offering that they make a united front against the wall of chaos waiting at the other side of the wind breaks. Lara returned the smile a little cautiously and turned to walk out with Leia and the others, Luke's wife, blending into the circle of his most trusted allies.

~~ ~ () ~ ~~

   In seeking out the renegade this time, Luke had no lack of clues, or proof.  He moved from one grim sight to the next, feeling the rage and power of the dark side in each new scene of destruction, until he finally felt the specific type of disturbance in the Force that he had been expecting. He sensed a life form that was distinctly cold, one whose sense was consumed with the dark side's presence.  Then he followed that signature in the Force, tracking its path.

   His search ended over the industrial center of a scarcely populated planet on the outskirts of the Tritis system; there, his transport swooped over the remains of a deserted city scape.  The locals had told him that this place had been established by the Empire.  None of them knew what the city's function had once been, but even all these years later, they remained hesitant to approach it.

   Luke felt the dark sensation deepen as he neared the city's outskirts and set down adjacent to one of the larger buildings.  It looked like some sort of converted industrial facility.  Converted to what, he could only wonder when he entered the building and its walls and ceiling opened up around him. A huge chunk of the gutted building had been transformed into an open great room. It now stood barren and nondescript save for the intermittent transparasteel blocks that lined the ceiling, and the ominous hole in the floor directly beneath them. Luke had seen a similar sight only once before, on Myrkr, the first time he had met Talon Karrde.

   He took one more forward step, studying the gutted walls, the arched ceiling and the empty crater in the floor. All were recent changes. Someone was expecting a visitor here... the preparations had already begun. But who was expected?  The renegade, wielding the power of the dark side, or the Jedi Knight who would undoubtably come to stop him? Luke could feel nothing that might answer that question; even the presence that he had been carefully tracking had disappeared from the reach of his senses.  The preparations were not yet complete, but there were already ysalamiri here.

   Luke felt a shift in the Force around him, betraying the presence of another being, just as a door opened across the room from Luke.  The man who had opened it walked forward, his eyes fixed on Luke.  The stranger possessed a slight, though tall, build and was perhaps five years younger than Luke. His dark brown hair was cropped close in the back and grown long in the front, so that it reached over his forehead to hang at his eyelashes, lapping at big, dark eyes.  The only accent to his face was a slight scar crossing the width of his left cheekbone from just above his ear. He wore lightweight clothing in dark colors, and he didn't appear to be armed.

   Luke's eyes swept over him as the two men stepped out alone into the great room, and as they slowly approached each other Luke found himself wondering about the origin of that scar.  Perhaps it had been an untreated injury, or the lingering result of a very ugly gash.... In ether case, it was an oddity. It was rare to see such an injury left incompletely repaired. He put those thoughts out of his mind for the moment and slowed his pace.

   The renegade had also slowed to a standstill just a few steps away from Luke.  Luke knew that was who he was facing, but the man was not what he had expected. Luke had been searching for a homicidal maniac, not a young man with a falter in his step and caution in his eyes.

   Their cautiously exchanged voices echoed dramatically off the high walls and ceiling, and Luke knew even then that something was not right.  He could tell that the other man was not normal, not entirely sane.  His mood changed quickly over the short verbal exchange: unbalanced and fleeting, like C'baoth in that sense.  But this man's sense was flighty and uncertain. There was none of the recklessness, none of the fire that had characterized C'baoth. What Luke felt now was distinctly cold and complex, but there was none of the callous, cold-blooded demeanor that he had been expecting in light of the crimes that this man was rumored to have committed.

   For the first time in a long while Luke harbored fresh hope that this individual could perhaps be saved from himself, but he placed that hope aside for more immediate matters.  First, Luke had to know more about his actions.

   The man told Luke that he was plagued with vicious headaches which left him unable to remember recent events, and he spoke with defensiveness and fear in his voice.  Then his mood changed again, his eyes going wild and shifting nervously.  He began speaking to Luke conspiratorially, rambling about plots that used brainwashing and mind control, until finally he claimed that someone had made him rampage. 

   It all made the hairs on the back of Luke's neck stand on end. He remained wary; the story could be a figment of a disturbed mind, or it could be bait for a trap – he had to remember that there were still ysalamiri here.  But if his story was legitimate, if a Force-strong person could be brainwashed and made to commit such actions... the implication of that kind of power was perhaps far worse than any other possibility. Either way, he had to have more answers, and there was only one way to get those answers.  Luke asked that he be taken to the person behind this plot.     

   The renegade agreed to Luke's request, and the two men walked across the empty great room until they passed through a short hallway and then entered another, smaller, room, with the renegade walking slowly ahead of Luke.  It was then that Luke felt a sense of danger.

   As the door slid shut behind them, he wheeled to face the danger.  Automatically, the Jedi reached for his lightsaber, but he stopped in mid motion as the threat became clear; Luke reached out instead to call the Force to his defense.  He needed it to be his shield... but the Force retreated from his grip... The stun bolt slammed into him next, and Luke lost consciousness.

~

   In the early hours of Coruscant's night, Lara awoke, startled. For a moment she was disoriented, searching awkwardly for what had woken her.  A memory, an emotion, something in a dream....  None felt familiar. Then, with a heart-stopping chill, she realized.

   "Luke–" she breathed, sitting up. 

   Lara felt numb, blinking against the night's sudden darkness.  That horrible emptiness was something that she had only felt once before in her life.  She was alone.

~

   The renegade nodded appraisingly to his accomplis and bent down over Skywalker.  A small movement betrayed the fallen man as he fought against unconsciousness.

   "He will be a formidable opponent," the renegade noted softly. "Did you modify the stun weapon as we discussed?"

   "The neural control net was in place.  It should have taken."

   "And the serum?"

   The other man produced a vile from his belt and carefully applied the dosage to Skywalker's neck.  "Now what?" he asked.  "Without the Force to aid him, what good is he to you?  Unless you intend no more than to kill him."

   The renegade stood over Skywalker and the man who knelt at his side. It was tempting. Once he killed the Jedi, who would deny his power, his place in the universe.... Then he stepped back, motioning to the guards who were equipped with ysalamiri packs. 

   They came forward from the unseen depths of the room's shadows.  "Take him," the renegade commanded tightly, and the men moved quickly to follow his orders. Now, no longer dependent on the heavy packs, they were discarded and left behind. 

   "If I kill him now I can take his place, but that will not gain me his power.  It would only make him a martyr," he spat the distasteful word, "and me his killer. No.  We will stick to the plan.  There will be a time and a place for his death – once he is fully under my control."

   A confident smirk crossed the face of his colleague. "I tell you, it is already done." 

   "You have had success with the locals, but it is easy to control weak-minded fools who have no ability to use the Force–"

   The smirk widened. "What do think he is now?  There is no Force available for him to use, and even if there were, he couldn't use it. His mind is no longer his own."

~

   Elsewhere on Coruscant, there were reports of trouble developing near one of the sectors that Luke had last reported in from. NRI Control attempted to contact him, to notify him of the disturbance and request that he investigate the situation. When they got no response they called up a status report and found that he was overdue for a routine flight check. 

   The check wasn't mandatory, but it was standard procedure. Given that such an oversight was very much out of character for Luke, it was cause for concern.

~

   Han and Chewie had been in the docking bay running maintenance checks on the Falcon.  It had started as just a couple of things they wanted to check out, once they had put down. But as usual for the Falcon, one thing had led to another, and they had quickly lost track of the time. Han restrained an exasperated curse, at himself, as his comm link sounded.

   It was far later than he had realized. That would be Leia, and she would be rightfully worried.

   "I'm sorry, Sweetheart," he answered her. 

   "Han–" she cut him off, her voice making him forget the reason for his previous apology. "I need you to meet me in Intelligence."

   "I'm on my way," he answered, shutting the comm down.  "Chewie, it's late. Wrap her up, will ya – and let's call it a night," Han Solo yelled over his shoulder as he started at a brisk walk back toward the platforms.

~

   Leia was waiting to meet him outside NRI headquarters. Her face was worried as she hugged him.  "We've lost contact with Luke," she explained shortly and stepped back from Han. "Allad contacted me a little while ago," she added softly.

   "Unofficially."

   Leia nodded.

   "So they're not going to do anything," Han grumbled, "even though most of them owe their lives to Luke in one way or another."

   "Their hands are tied, as long as this mission he's on isn't official New Republic business; Luke knew that when he left...."

   "Right, right," Han cut off Leia's logical assessment of the situation with an impatient wave. Leia bought into the system.  NRI worked under the Senate's authority, so the Senate determined what they could and couldn't do; he understood that, he just didn't share Leia's respect for it. Han Solo had always tended to have problems with authority, especially when rules that he didn't make stood between him and what he thought needed to be done.

   Han looked warily toward the entrance to NRI headquarters; he, personally, wanted to get in there and shake some information out of them.  Leia must have sensed it. She slipped her arm through his and started to lead him away.  Han protested, but she only tightened her hold on him a little as her other hand reached to pull a data pad from her pocket.

   "Allad gave me this. It's Luke's last known location, from about sixteen hours ago."

   That made Han grin.  "Good man; he could get in a lot of trouble for that."

   "That's the last contact NRI had from him..." Leia said to herself.

   "Then that's where we should start," Han decided.

   "I just want to check in with Lara first." Leia could sense Han's surprise, but he didn't question her right away.  He thought about it for a moment.

   "You think Luke might have been in contact with her since then?" Somehow Han couldn't envision Luke calling home in the middle of this, newlywed or not.

   "I want to find out if she knows anything that we don't before we start working up leads."

   Han suspected there was more to it than that.  He could see that something in Leia's attitude had changed, and he could tell that his wife wasn't really comfortable about it, despite what she was saying.  In other words, he suspected one of those weird Force things at work.

~

   It only took a few minutes for Han and Leia to reach the residential section of the Palace, but there was no answer at Luke's suite.

   Han gave Leia one of his best lost-looking shrugs as she keyed the announce pad once more. Then he took out his comm link. "Artoo, you there?" 

   An affirmative beep answered him. 

   "I think you'd better head out to the loading docks and see if Chewie needs help with the Falcon; I'll contact you two there." 

   There was another affirmative beep followed by an eager whirl.

   "Now what?" he asked Leia.

   "There's one more place I want to look," Leia decided, and before Han could ask where they were going this time, she started off at a quick clip down the hallway. She didn't look forward to trying to explain all this to him.

~

   "Are you sure about this, Sweetheart?"

   Han was looking at her like he suspected she might have gone crazy.  "Well it can't hurt," Leia quipped a little defensively.  She wasn't ready to admit it yet, but this entire situation was starting to worry her more by the minute.... Han pushed opened the heavy door so that they could look out onto the roof of the Imperial Palace. That was where they found Lara, sitting alone on the cold stone floor.

~

   Lara had had the feeling that somehow it would make sense from up here... but the cold night air picked up around her, and the only change she could recognize was that the shock was starting to wear off. She shook her head against sobering thoughts as her mind followed those thoughts in relentless circles. She knew what she felt in herself, and she knew the circumstances she found herself in.  The two pieces, put together, could only mean one thing....  The fear of that realization filled her; with it came those familiar and powerful demons that threatened to consume her. After all she had done to break away, she couldn't go back to that cold place. Not again.

~

   Lara was sitting on the cold stone floor with her back to the stone bench top that marked the roof's only bit of decoration; her arms were folded over her knees, and from what Leia could sense of her very guarded emotions... Lara felt lost and alone.

   Leia hadn't liked the idea of having to break the news of Luke's disappearance to her. A chill ran down her spine as she realized that she didn't have to.  Han stepped out onto the rooftop behind her, but Leia stood frozen in place.  A cold feeling – something that she couldn't explain – had filled her heart.

   Han only took on a puzzled look as he glanced between the two women.

   "She knows," Leia mused, trying to keep her own emotions in check.

   "She knows something," Han countered carefully.  They exchanged cautious looks and started across the roof toward the place where Lara sat alone. 

   Leia called her name, to no response.  She called again as they came closer. "We've been looking for you," Leia continued, almost conversationally. "What are you doing up here?" 

   Briefly, she followed the line of Lara's blank forward gaze. Then she looked back to Han questioningly.

   "Lara," he tried gently, and placed a hand on her arm, "you all right?"

   She looked down at his hand for a moment before she turned to look at Han. Her cold stare made him pull back, in spite of himself, but there was no malice behind the coldness. She blinked at him, and then her eyes fell away again, disappointed.

   "I wasn't ready for this," Lara said as she looked ahead again.  "Again," she whispered, almost inaudibly, "I wasn't ready."

   "Ready for what?" Leia asked, mystified by this sudden change.

   Lara turned her eyes to them, blinking again, as if she was just now seeing them.  "You know," she stated softly as her eyes swept over them; her voice had taken on a strange mixture of knowledge and denial.  Then her brow furrowed, her gaze unfocused, and she struggled for a long moment to reach out... before her face fell again, and Lara looked down at the stone floor. 

   "I can't feel him," she said in shell-shocked frankness.

   Leia felt her jaw drop with surprise.  She hadn't been expecting that, but it explained everything that Leia had been feeling but couldn't explain.

   "What does that mean?" she demanded, her voice lowering with new intensity. 

   Han took hold of her shoulders to steady her.  "Easy, Sweetheart."

   She shook him off, suddenly beside herself.  "No–" Leia answered him before she turned back to Lara.  "Wait a minute! How can you just sit here?" she breathed, unhinged by the apparent apathy of this woman who was supposed to love her brother, whom he so clearly loved.  "Luke could be in danger. He could be hurt, or unconscious.  It could be ysalamiri–  We've got to find him," Leia persisted urgently.  "If you know, anything, then you can't just sit here.  You've got to help us."

   Lara shook her head, looking down against the verbal onslaught. 

   "I can't help," she barely whispered.  Tears hit the stone floor as she said the words. 

   Leia started to protest once more.

   "You don't understand," Lara struggled.  "I can't feel him," she intoned, a desperately sad emotion to match the desperate gaze she lifted to Leia. Her eyes locked on Leia's. "I should be able to feel him," she stated softly, miserably. 

   Leia shook her head in denial. "You're wrong," she accused softly. 

   The tears started to well again, a bittersweet smile of hope crossing her face at the accusation, before Lara dropped her gaze.

   "Lara–" Han's voice was tight but also gentle. She looked up without turning to face him, and his doubt died unspoken against the anguish in her eyes. He took a breath to get control of his own emotions.  "Come inside with us," he offered gently. "We're going to hound Intelligence until they give us something we can work with – whatever's going on, we'll figure it out. We'll get Luke back." 

   She shook him off, absently.

   "Okay," he said dropping down to eye level with her. "If you change your mind, you can find me," he instructed tightly.

   Lara listened to the sound of their footsteps walking away.  Luke had wanted for her to become a part of his family....  What hope was there now, without him? She felt defeated, as well as scared and frustrated; how could this be happening again? How could he be gone too?

   "Luke, you helped me before," she gritted. "Please help me again now."

   "You will forever be strengthened by this connection, and each will always carry with you a part of the other...." 

   Somewhere in the back of her mind, her emotions latched on to that moment, their wedding day, and the promises they had made to each other.  Suddenly there was a truth that she could focus on. A beacon of light pierced the endless darkness of hopelessness and fear that had been all she could see and feel a moment ago. The fear faded, and her mind started to clear.

   Lara began to pull herself under control.  She could still feel how near she had come to the edge of her own abyss, but now there was clarity in place of fear, logic in place of panic, and light instead of darkness – bringing with it a glimmer of hope.

   "There's got to be something," she spoke again, her voice fighting for a greater measure of control as she calmed her emotions enough to reach out to the Force, to search. "I've missed something.  He can't be gone, not completely."

   Lara sat in silence for a few moments before it soaked in, what Han had said about Intelligence. Han and Leia knew from Intelligence that something had gone wrong during Luke's search for the renegade. And whatever had happened to him, even if it was the worst, she needed to learn the truth.

~

   Han looked over the recalled page that Lara had pulled up on the data console. Intelligence's shift commander told him that she had been there just a moment ago; he had signed her in. 

   Only a few minutes later word came through from Coruscant traffic control that she was blasting out, on an Intelligence priority, from platform 448.  The commander was about to flag her down for the unauthorized usage, but Han stepped in. 

   "I give you my word, Commander.  If she's pulling rank, it's justified."

   The commander hesitated for a moment.  "I'm taking you at your word, Captain Solo, duly noted," he finished the official procedure. "I'll authorize," he responded to traffic control.

   Han had already turned away from him, caring little for the technicalities of notice and authorization.  He was digging into a pocket for his comm link.  "Chewie," he called into the comm.  The wookie was already working feverishly onboard the Falcon, suspecting that they might need the ship at its full capacity soon. "I don't have time to explain; I need you to track the ship that's about to blast from platform 448."

   Chewie responded with the natural argument that even if he was able to lock in the ships trajectory when it jumped to light speed, that would only gain them a first jump, and it was standard procedure to program multiple jumps in order to avoid such tracking. 

   "Just do it, Chewie."  Han barked the order, despite knowing that his copilot would already be half done with the task by now. He only argued it with Han for principle, so he could be right about it later. "And make sure she's ready to fly," Han finished, cutting off the last of his friend's argument and shutting down his end of the comm before Chewbacca had further chance to react. Han had a feeling that there would be plenty of time to explain what was going on, in hyperspace.

~~ ~ () ~ ~~

   Lara entered the huge, open room with great caution, acutely aware that its expansiveness left her open to surveillance and attack from all sides – and she had no doubt that she was being tracked.  Despite its outward appearances, this facility was well-equipped.  The entire sector was a former stronghold for Imperial think tank operations. Lara had recognized that immediately when she had seen the location of Luke's last contact point, and she had known then that she could help. Leia had been right – she had to help.

   Lara started across the room, glancing suspiciously at the light that cascaded harmlessly through the ceiling when she bypassed the ominous crater in middle of the floor. They knew that she was here, yet they made no move to stop her. That could only mean that her progress was being watched.... She reached out to the Force again.  Still nothing.  The expansive facility was seemingly empty to the Force... but Lara had suspected as much.  Once she had begun to think clearly and plan her strategy, she had realized the truth in what Leia had said, and more.

       Luke was alive.  That had to be her first assumption.  He was lost to her, through something that she didn't understand, but alive.  Everything she knew of the Force told her that it directed a being's path beyond death, and Luke was strong enough in the Force to use that power, as he knew Obi Wan had for a time – unless something had incapacitated him, like ysalamiri. For someone to compromise a Jedi's ability to defend himself, ysalamiri would almost certainly have to be involved.

   She could see a hallway across the room from where she had entered, and she knew that was where she was going; it was almost as if she had been here before. Lara couldn't explain it, but when she had lost contact with Luke this time, it was different from when the Force between them had been interrupted at the Aci base, by ysalamiri. She had still known something of him then; even without a conscious connection to the Force to tell her of his presence, she had known; she had recognized his unique existence. And that connection to him had only grown stronger with deeper emotions....  This time he was lost to her differently, in every way that she knew him. But she no longer believed that it was the space between life and death that had separated them; it was something else, something she didn't understand that must have happened to him, or around him, here.

   Lara paused in mid motion; as she had stepped into the hallway, the Force had moved away from her. She had expected it to, but in the next few heartbeats she looked around herself, confused.  There was nothing different about this hall. The crater in the outside room was empty, and even if there were ysalamiri lined up against the other side of the wall, their influence shouldn't have been so strong, not without massive reinforcing. She scanned the hall once more, looking for some tell-tail sign, an explanation, but there was nothing.  Only bare walls and floors, the ceiling, and temperature tubing. 

   Where were the ysalamiri, and where was Luke?  He had come this way, and he was still here; she was more sure of it with every passing second. Lara continued on with growing caution until she reached the hall's end.  Then she paused again, hugging its side; her blaster drawn, she looked out. Lara took a deep breath. Luke was there.  She could see him. 

   He was standing silently out in the center of the room, and he appeared unharmed.  Her initial burst of relief quickly faded, and Lara's face frosted over; this was far more than ysalamiri.  Luke's posture was unnaturally rigid, his face was expressionless, and he remained unresponsive to anything that was going on around him. He wasn't acting under his own power.  This was some sort of physical control, or mind alteration. 

   Lara had never in her worst imaginations thought it possible.... She had heard rumors that the Empire was working on projects like this, Gerent's group and others had tried to get approval for such research... but those projects had always been delayed and underfunded, for obvious reasons; Palpatine already had power, through the Force, to control and manipulate those around him.  He had spent years perfecting that power and he had taken great pains to destroy the Jedi; he did not want to create a means to give away the kind of power that he had carefully drawn to himself.

   Lara pulled back further into the shadows as a guard moved across the room in front of her.  She would have to be cautious; this situation was growing more dangerous all the time. Not only was Luke trapped here, but she had no plan to free him, no idea how to release him, and no clear understanding of what she would be as fighting to release him from. Lara took a deep breath, calming herself.  And there could be no room for mistakes. She had to be aware of her surroundings and under her own control; she needed careful logic, not reckless emotion.  Lives, and a great deal of pain and suffering, could depend on her ability to keep focus.

   She had to get more information. She needed to learn what had been done to Luke... and she had to get rid of this cursed ysalamiri influence that was dampening the Force. Without it, Luke had very little hope of helping himself. She grimaced and scanned the room ahead of her.  Still none of the creatures were in view.  Bare walls, floors, ceiling, and the temperature tubing.  Her eyes came to rest on the temperature tubing again, noticing the odd way it bisected the ceiling.  Her stomach lurched; it was the tubing.  Somehow the influence was contained there.  She didn't know how it was possible, but if they had distilled the very essence of that Force-repelling influence from the ysalamiri... the applications would be virtually unlimited. 

   Lara shook herself away from those thoughts. A movement behind her caught her eye, and she pressed herself tightly against the lacking protection of the flat wall at her back. Her heartbeat thudded in her chest for a series of breaths before she lowered her blaster, relieved, as the one pointing in her direction did the same.  Han Solo stood behind it.

   She remembered her hasty exit from Coruscant, and the Intelligence ready room before that. She had sat in an out of the way corner viewing bulletins until she had finally found the one that gave her this location, and she had realized that somehow Luke might be here, alive. Lara had raced up to their suite to gather her most necessary supplies; she hadn't thought about it; she had to get to him. A smile crossed her face.  It didn't surprise her that Han, Leia, and Chewie had followed her; in their place, she would have done the same thing.

   Lara motioned for them to come into the hallway behind her, and they did, slowly.  Han waited for Leia to go ahead of him, then he followed while Chewie covered them all from behind. Lara saw Leia hesitate and look around herself, just as Lara had, upon reaching the ysalamiri influence. But it was hardly a falter of a step before Leia recovered her cautious ease and came forward again.  Lara ignored her for the moment as Leia did the same; she was looking past Lara, staring intently into the room ahead.

   "You have any problems getting in?" Lara questioned Han.

   He shook his head. "We set down practically at the front door.  Nothing.  Makes you wonder what they're waiting for."

   Even when she knew that she was being watched, Lara had been holding out hope that a rescue party of one wouldn't seem like much of a threat.  A small, all-purpose ship like the one Lara had chosen had a chance at slipping by most sensors unnoticed, but the Falcon was perhaps the most recognizable ship in the galaxy, and its owners were every bit as infamous in the lore of the Rebellion against the Empire. Everyone in this system would know they were here. Now she had to face the fact that whoever was holding Luke would be expecting a rescue attempt.

   Chewie grumbled a guess in response to Han's dry observation.

   "Waiting for the right time to spring the trap – yeah, right, Chewie – real positive," Han quipped, but he couldn't argue with that logic.

   Leia was still watching the room ahead alertly.  Only a twitch in her face and the hold of her breath betrayed her worry and relief as she saw Luke and appraised his situation, as she realized that he was not injured or otherwise in immediate danger, but he was not safe either, not himself.

   She turned back to Lara. "What's going on here?"

   Hurriedly, Lara began to explain.  "Luke is in that room, but he's not right.  Whatever has been done to him, the ysalamiri influence is key–"

   "I don't see any of them," Leia noted.

   "I know. Look at that tubing. I think that's what they're doing here... among other things.  They've figured out a way to distill the Force-repressing influence that the creatures naturally exude."

   "That can't be good," Han breathed.

   Leia swallowed hard. He was right, but there was no time to consider the implications now.  "How do we stop it?"

   "Hear that humming?" Lara asked.

   "It sounds almost like a water pump."

   "My guess is there's a generator on the lower level, and it's circulating this stuff through the tubing."

   "Like a living organism," Leia breathed.

   Lara nodded. "I hope so.  If that's the case, destroying the generator should cut the circulation and shut down the effect."

   Leia looked toward Han.

   "A generator." He shrugged and smiled a devilish smile. "We're good with generators."

   "This has to be done quietly," Leia admonished.  "We still have to get Luke free."

   "And you'll need to take the control chips from the motivator system before you destroy it," Lara added. "If those are recovered, we leave them with a perfect blueprint to rebuild the system again."

   "Right," Han noted. 

   "Han, Chewie," Lara prompted,