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Coming Out pt III
~@~Out of Doubt
Lara sat quietly, reaching out to the Force. Her arms and legs were folded into a loose, comfortable position, her body and mind relaxed... but inwardly she was expending a great deal of energy simply seeking calm, searching for peaceful emotions. She had made a habit of beginning each day this way in the time since Luke had helped her begin to find that peaceful focus within herself.
She knew it was his hope that eventually she might move beyond simple meditation and decide to renew her training in the Force... but since that day in med, even this time of quiet meditation had become a great challenge to Lara... and over the past few weeks, with Luke gone, the challenge had become that much greater. He had called her emotions clouded..... Without his familiar, peaceful presence to lean on, she felt even more lost as she tried to find her way through the wealth of emotions inside her that were anything but peaceful.
Her stomach gave a little jolt, something between hunger and nausea. Appropriate, Lara thought with a grimace. You can't decide. Lara let a hand pass softly, affectionately, over her mid section, trying to soothe the little lives within her, trying to quiet the ever-present symptoms of morning sickness. She sighed despite her success. Luke probably wouldn't approve, but she was finding it easier to quiet those symptoms than it had been before. Her strength in the Force had grown under his guidance, and he had helped her to trust herself enough to allow those powers to expand. Of course Luke would probably prefer her to stay in bed until the symptoms had passed on their own, but Lara knew that the rest of what she was feeling was more powerful, and potentially more harmful to the lives she carried, than a little morning sickness.
She quieted her mind again and surrounded her unborn children with feelings of warmth and protection, isolating them from her chaotic emotions, keeping only a nurturing bond between herself and the precious lives she carried. Then Lara took a deep, calming breath and closed her eyes. Once she was sure of their protection she began again, slipping into meditation, searching for peace in the Force around her.
Lara thought she was ready for the barrage that met her, but it swirled around her in the Force, beyond her control. Only her own stubborn will kept her in the eye of the storm. Lara continued her efforts, but could not control the chaos raging around her. She felt her defenses give way and her emotions began to bend under the horrible weight. Then there was a gentle touch on her arm; a light presence pushed at the shadows in her mind. Lara opened her eyes slowly; that presence in the Force felt very familiar to her, almost like Luke's, but it was a hand smaller than her own that rested on Lara's forearm. Leia sat silently in front of Lara, and her sister-in-law's warm brown eyes opened to meet hers. Lara both saw and felt the concern that was held in her gaze.
"You shouldn't be here, Lara," Leia whispered gently, squeezing her arm, "not now. Give yourself time to rest." Before he left Coruscant Luke had asked his sister to check on Lara; they each knew that he wouldn't approve of this.
Lara shook her head tiredly. "I'm not fighting off remotes; all I want is a few moments of quiet meditation."
"Why here?" Leia's gaze glanced toward the bare walls and floor of the rec room. "Why not at home?"
Lara shrugged, but both of them knew the answer. This was the place where Luke had shown her she could do this. It was safe. Lara didn't entirely trust herself without his guiding presence, but she felt a little closer to that here.
Leia nodded reluctantly. "Then let me try to help you."
Lara closed her eyes, feeling the light of Leia's presence in the Force as Leia helped her to find peace. Then the images began to flash through her mind, followed by emotions that washed over her in a flood of darkness. Lara could no more control it now, in her mind, than she could then, in the nightmare of a reality that she had had no real control over. Lara was beginning to accept that reality, but making peace with it, enough to find peace through it... that was more difficult.
Leia saw the faces, heard the screams, and that source of agony jolted through her own emotions a memory that she knew firsthand. She had been on the other side of that agony, those screams... herself, Han, Chewie. So many others had survived the cruelties of the Empire, and many had not.... The hulking form of Darth Vader flowed into view, orchestrating these events, and Leia felt Lara's deference to his orders. Leia could feel the pang of guilt and regret that Lara had kept buried deep down; she carried out the orders she was given and refused to let herself think, feel, or care about anything else... and there was more pain and death as a result. Leia shuddered, but she did not allow herself to pull away from Lara's mind... and the storm raged on for many minutes with the two women at its center.
Lara fought against the onslaught, trying to fight the pain and guilt that accompanied those dark emotions and dark memories... trying to regain control over her own mind and emotions, trying to separate the past from the present. Then a rush of desperation began to overcome her. Weakened by the effort she was expending, Lara's strength began to give way. Leia felt the change in Lara's emotions and she tightened her hold on her friend's arm. Determinedly adding her own efforts to fighting back the darkness, Leia reached for the light and touched her friend's mind with that energy, helping to chase away the shadows of the past, helping Lara find the strength to keep fighting.
When the storm finally passed a few minutes later Lara's head was reeling. She opened her eyes, and for a moment she found that the world was spinning around her. She swayed unsteadily and put a hand to her head as she closed her eyes again. Leia's hand covered hers, and for the second time Lara felt a rush of peace as the Force came to her aid. Its light steadied her at Leia's command, and Lara opened her eyes again, more slowly this time. The room around her was steady and quiet; her emotions were also quiet... the calm after the storm. The rush of past emotions and memories had receded for now. With Leia's help, Lara had managed to fight off the darkness that threatened to overtake her mind. She had succeeded today... but Lara knew the battle was not yet won.
"I want to try again," Lara whispered.
Leia's jaw tightened and she shook her head. "Later. You've got to take it easy, remember?" she asked with a smile that did little to mute the stubborn determination underlying it. Leia reached out to the Force, carefully touching the little lives her sister-in-law carried, assuring herself of their well-being.
Lara nodded, feeling a pang of guilt that was more substantial than the dizziness or the collection of aches and pains. The twins were safe, and unaffected by the turmoil their mother was experiencing; Lara had never let those little lives slip beyond the reach of her protection, but she felt a weight of regret just the same. Luke would not approve.
"But he would understand," Leia whispered. Her voice was reassuring but her emotions had turned curious. "You were shielding them, the whole time. I felt that."
Lara nodded tiredly. "I may not be able to control the rest of this, but I will protect them from it."
"You're not a danger, Lara not to them or to anyone else."
Lara watched her friend, realizing that Leia's powers in the Force were no longer anything to be underestimated. Then Lara slowly shook her head and tried to stand. The effort was more difficult than it should have been.
"But I am a danger," Lara whispered. "My past is. What happened with Franhkesca proves that."
Leia sighed. "We all have things in our pasts that we would like to wipe away. But those things don't define us, and no one who knows you would hold you to those times. Who you are now is more than your past."
Lara's eyes met Leia's for a long moment, wondering.... She had felt things in Leia's mind too, moments when Leia had felt the remembered helplessness which belonged to the horrors in her own past. Would her sister-in-law be so quick to forgive if it had gone differently? Lara shuddered. Any of those faces, those voices, could easily have belonged to Han or Luke, or to Leia, herself.
Leia felt that conflict too. "I forgive you," she whispered. Leia was facing her sister-in-law with a fierce expression burning in her eyes; she believed in her friend's goodness and in her strength, with everything in herself... but there was a part of Leia that knew forgiveness would not have come so easily if it had been Lara, and not Vader. Leia pushed that thought away. There would be time to deal with her own doubts. Right now she could sense that Lara was still very weak, and she worried that her sister-in-law's recent poor health was owed to more than the sum of her physical and mental trials.
"We'll try again," Leia conceded. "But after you rest and try to eat something; I don't want to face Luke's wrath if he even suspects that you're risking your health over this," Leia warned as the two of them walked together to Luke and Lara's quarters.
~
Luke found an open comm station and secured the frequency so that his transmission signal couldn't be traced. A month had passed since their team had left Coruscant for the purpose of infiltrating Laus' network, uncovering his collaborators in the Tritis system, and determining wether or not a military threat was building within Tritis space. They had gotten a third of the NRI operatives inserted into Myrtle space, and they would begin moving into Tritis space very soon; from there they would insert the remainder of their operatives, and hopefully some of those NRI operatives would provide them with leads they could follow.
Operatives already inserted into the Myrtle system had begun infiltrating Laus' network via the supply chain Karrde had revealed. Soon the same would be happening in Tritis space, and, in time, Luke was certain that they would gather useful information on Laus. Those findings would dictate the shape and direction of the remainder of this mission for Luke, Han, and Atamvr. But regardless of their future prospects, entering the Tritis system would require them to greatly lower their profile.
Once they entered Tritis space all transmissions would be reduced and any transmissions to Coruscant would be out of the question. Luke knew this would likely be the last chance he would get to make contact with Coruscant for the foreseeable future. He smiled when the transmission flickered, resolving itself; he was glad to find Lara receiving him on the other end of that transmission. It surprised him when the image fully resolved, and Leia was smiling back at him.
"Leia. Is everything all right?" Luke asked.
"Fine," Lara answered, smiling as she sat down at the console. She nodded to Leia, who smiled in return as she straightened and moved away.
Luke's face softened. "Are the mornings still bad for you?"
"Nothing I can't handle," she assured him with a smile. "What's going on there?"
"We've gotten everyone set for phase one," he answered carefully. Even over a secure channel, he wouldn't risk giving away information that might endanger the mission or their operatives. "They're finding the new work very intriguing."
A smile played on Lara's face. Very intriguing. "A lot of interpersonal drama in the new workplace?"
Luke returned her smile. "Yes. They've been telling me about one person in particular, an old friend of ours named Dangin."
"Dangin. He is an ambitions one."
"Several of our new hires are hoping he'll lead them straight to the top."
"That's a good bet," Lara agreed. "Working his way up the ladder has always been Dangin's top priority."
Luke's smile faded just slightly. "Then we'll just have to hope he might share a few of his secrets with our new hires, and they can climb along with him."
Lara nodded. He looked so tired. "You still having a hard time concentrating?" she asked quietly.
Luke nodded hesitantly before he tacked on a smile. "You know. A lot of stray thoughts."
Lara dropped her eyes for a second. She had a harder time talking around his well-being than she did his mission.... So he was still experiencing those disturbances in his meditations... visions of war and invasion, and a mysterious presence in the Force.
"Trouble sleeping too?" she asked after a moment.
"Nothing I can't handle," he answered, smiling evasively.
Lara felt a pang of guilt. They both knew this would be his last contact for a while, and neither of them could say what they needed to say.
"Luke I love you."
"I love you too, Sweetness."
Both of them were hesitant to speak the truth.
"Be careful," Lara whispered.
"You rest," he answered, raising his eyebrows in warning.
"I promise," she answered, grinning at him.
Luke pressed his fingers lightly to his lips, and Lara returned the motion.
Each of them watched the image flicker out on the console in front of them, and wondered when they would next see the other.
~
A short while later Lara sat alone in the living area of her suite. Leia had left a few minutes ago; everything was quiet. Lara sat staring at the holocron for several moments before she finally turned it on. If he sensed her hesitation, Jedi Master Neese didn't let on as he smiled at her and listened carefully to her concerns.
"As I told you once before, Lara," the image of the Jedi Master addressed her calmly, "every being must embrace his or her own strength. Great strength is always a terrific burden. If it is to be used for good, it must be matched by confidence, determination, and a will to serve selflessly; the doubt, if not overcome, will eventually overpower the rest."
Lara nodded, but the uncertainty in her emotions betrayed her.
"Lara, you must face the past and all the difficult memories and emotions that those times hold for you if you and Luke are to build a future for the galaxy, for the Jedi, for yourselves and your own family. I still believe that."
Lara was a little puzzled that he was bringing Luke into this; her questions, her worries today had been about herself and her own strengths. Lara shuddered. Suddenly she wondered if this conversation had more to do with what Luke was going through than she realized... more than Luke wanted her to know.
"You, like Luke, possess strengths far beyond what even you are aware of. Do not fear that; do not deny it; use it for good. Every being must embrace his or her own strength. When that strength is denied, for what ever reason, it becomes a threat: a weapon that the dark side can use for seduction. Only belief in yourself, trust in the Force, and trust in the goodness that you possess in the light of the Force, can vanquish that threat."
Lara nodded. She thanked the Jedi Master for his counsel and closed down the holocron. Then she relaxed her mind and thought about what he had told her. This time, when she closed her eyes to meditate, it was easier to let the peaceful emotions in; it no longer felt necessary to fight the past. Instead she concentrated on accepting herself, in all her strengths and weaknesses, without fear for either. And she found that as long as she believed in herself, in the light of the Force, there was peace.
~
Mara brought the Jade's Fire tightly around the third moon that orbited the planet Pacibec, scanning it for signs of life or technology as she reached out with her emotions. She was also using this routine scouting mission as a building exercise for her own skills in the Force.
She sensed it a few seconds before the ship's alarms started to blare their warnings. A small but well-armed ship had just come in fast from hyperspace. Instinctively, her hands moved to the Fire's weaponry systems. Her finger stayed trained on the trigger, but Mara was reaching out to the Force... waiting as the vessel continued to bear down on her.
Then Mara threw the Fire into an evasive maneuver, going down fast toward the moon and the cover that it would provide her; but the other fighter was prepared for her response. She suppressed a curse, knowing that she had waited too long. Now the enemy fighter banked hard out of its fly by and stuck with her, firing on her as it came around behind her. And then it exploded in a fiery ball.
"What the" Mara began, stunned, and scanning the horizon for an explanation.
"Mara? Are you all right?" came a familiar voice, just as the Lady Luck came into view from beyond the moon's horizon. Lando had shot that fighter off her back, not a second too soon.
Mara took a deep breath and shook her head. That had been dangerously close, and she was frustrated at herself for her show of hesitation.
"Yeah, Lando. Thanks," she answered.
"Do you think it one was one of Laus' people?" he asked, and Mara found herself grateful for the change of subject.
"No," she answered easily. "It looked like the same kind of ravel we've been finding all throughout these territories. Just some local, small-time fringe dealer, so desperate to survive that he'd try hijacking any ship that comes by."
"Now that Laus is pulling out, and taking his resources with him, the locals are finding themselves back in the same messes they were in before he took over," Lando agreed heavily.
"No law, and no leadership," Mara finished for him grimly.
"A turn of events that I hope to soon correct," Lando stated with his usual suave confidence.
"Just follow me in," Mara prompted him. "You can take it up with Karrde. He'll be waiting on me, and he's been expecting you," she finished. But Mara's thoughts were already elsewhere. She, too, had things that she needed to correct, and soon.
~
Karrde and Lando sat comfortably aboard the Wild Karrde. The ship was grounded on the planet Pacibec, but Karrde preferred this venue to anything on the scenic surface. Here, aboard his flagship, surrounded by his best people, he felt secure.
Lando looked to him curiously. "You're thinking this won't last much longer," the gambler assessed bluntly.
"Something's got to give soon," Karrde responded. "If Laus has any last tricks up his sleeve, I expect him to pull them out in the near future. I've got to believe he's running out of places to hide," he pointed out more quietly.
"What do you make of these rumors that Laus is interested in reclaiming his Marnia base?"
"At this point, I tend to say it's just rumor. Laus would have to have a very good reason for going back to a world we already have under tight watch." Then Karrde hesitated. "But it's possible that it is true, he is scouting it, and he does have a reason which is even more worrisome," he conceded. "Something that we'll have to keep an eye on," Karrde concluded heavily.
"There's one more thing," Lando started cautiously. "I've been hearing rumblings from the beings I've been in contact with recently. Still nothing solid, but more of the same kind of hints that Aves has been picking up."
"Tritis," Karrde breathed. "Their apparent alignment with Laus could be an even bigger problem," he added warily.
"Your winning offensive against Laus is starting to erode what ever confidence they have in him," Lando stated the prompt.
"And they're getting impatient," Karrde finished for him, nodding his understanding.
"With or without Laus, they're looking to see action, and soon."
"Until we know more we'll have to be cautious," Karrde conceded. "But I see no reason that our offensive shouldn't go forward as planned."
~
Laus was watching a display screen, surveying the locations of his bases. The color-coding scheme indicated far fewer bases still available to him than the ones that were now made unavailable. He leaned back heavily, deep in thought. His options were dwindling, and the Tritis contingent was growing more and more discontent as Karrde continued to hold the advantage as of late, and the New Republic continued to back Karrde 's actions with their rhetoric.
The comm beeped. And Laus shut down the projection to receive the expected transmission.
"Vice Commander Tubachin," he greeted the head of the Tritis Military Allegiance.
"Laus," the other man nodded in greeting. "What news do you have for us? Is Karrde defeated?"
"Soon," Laus assured him confidently.
"So you have been saying, for many months," Tubachin responded bluntly.
"And so it will be. Soon," Laus responded certainly.
"And while you settle these matters, my troops continue to wait."
"Your patience will be well-rewarded, with a glorious victory over the New Republic. Just a short while longer, and we will be poised for our offensive."
"We crave that victory, but we will not wait forever, Laus."
Laus only acknowledged him with a slight bow.
The screen flickered out a moment later. Then Laus cursed bitterly as he swivelled around in his chair. He was running out of time!
The door chime sounded. "Enter," Laus growled, and he looked behind himself to see Septis Morph, his Altevarian aid, standing curtly to one side. "I just spoke to Tubachin. The Tritis contingency is even more impatient than I realized. Tubanchin was practically hostile." Laus explained the situation as much to gauge Morph's reaction to it as he did to bring his aid up to date.
"I assure you, they are loyal to your vision. They will wait for you."
Laus only nodded at the words. The younger man sounded confident enough, but Laus was more uncertain.
"Perhaps" Morph suggested cautiously, "if we returned underground, only for a short time, to regroup," he amended, seeing Laus' caution at that suggestion.
Laus fell silent to thought. "No," he breathed. "No," he repeated more firmly, "their loyalty is based on my strength alone, and Karrde already has me on the defensive. If they see him force me to disappear again, I'm afraid it will be too much for them to tolerate. Time is running out," he intoned. "I need to turn this battle around and restore my standing in Tritis... or risk everything that I have been building." He fell silent in thought once more. "We'll go to the base on Martshi next," he finally decided, his voice now calm and calculated. "What about the weapon?" he questioned Morph quietly.
"A few setbacks," the aid admitted carefully, "but our scientists think they're very close to a breakthrough."
"Blast it! I need that insurance," Laus growled. And his voice lowered to a dangerous intensity. "I need to deliver Dare to them now. I need to restore their confidence, and make them ready to follow me into battle against the New Republic."
Silence fell. And Laus' aid, sensing that he was no longer needed, excused himself.
Once alone, Laus punched up a series of commands and inserted a data card into the slot. Then he sat studying the display in silence for several moments. His options were very few.
~
"Dangin. Why do I know that name?" Atamvr was reading over intelligence reports on the bridge of the light escort freighter, Disseminator, which was serving as a flag ship for their current venture.
"He's a former Imperial; Luke and Lara had a run in with him a while back, nearly got them captured in the Aci system."
"Aci the production facility for Laus' ships."
Han gave a cautious half nod.
"Then Dangin is connected to Laus," Atamvr finished warily.
"Two of the NRI agents that have been tracking his movements think he's planning to make a power grab of his own in the near future."
"If he was in league with Laus before, it's likely he's looking to switch sides now."
"A double-cross," Han noted with a nod.
"Then it's a good chance this Dangin will lead Luke to the person we're looking for in Tritis."
"I wish Luke would reconsider this; let NRI keep tracking Dangin."
Atamvr gave a half shrug. "He feels the need to do this himself."
"Right. It's a Force thing; that doesn't make me feel any better," Han noted dryly before he turned toward the cockpit door. "I'll go wake Junior."
Atamvr grinned at the acronym. No matter Luke's status throughout the rest of the galaxy, a part of Han Solo would always remember him as the farm boy Luke had been when their paths had first crossed. But despite his usual bluster Solo was worried, and Atamvr was too. Luke's visions in the Force were affecting him profoundly. He wouldn't talk about them to Han or Atamvr except in very vague terms: sometimes he saw danger to the New Republic, sometimes it was a dangerous presence in the Force; lately he said that the two had begun to overlap. Since that had happened Luke had begun having difficulty meditating or sleeping. Han had finally suggested that they take duty shifts; that way Luke was likely to be getting some sleep at regular intervals instead of manning the bridge on the overnight shift, avoiding his bunk room.
~
Luke looked around himself, a familiar coldness creeping down his spine as he recognized his surroundings. He turned in a cautious circle, aware that a new attack could come at any moment, and his mind filled with new wariness as his eyes were drawn to the circular window that ominously filled one side of the room.
As he looked on, a new chill filled the part of his mind that could understand what he was experiencing: the parts that were remembered began to contradict with the differences now beginning to reveal themselves. The window was broken. Its turbulent vacuum of wind had died away. Cloud City's inner structures were all that remained visible beyond it, and he was drawn toward that unknown landscape outside.
His emotions went numb as his steps increasingly hastened. Hurriedly, he made his way down a series of stairs and out onto the thin ramp that hung over the exhaust shafts far below. But he saw none of it. His eyes were fixed on his enemy. His steps were certain, his mind filled with one thought, his emotions consumed with hatred for the threat he faced. This opponent that he had underestimated had almost defeated him.... Now this boy had to, himself, be defeated. Nothing else was any longer feasible, not before that had been done.
The rest passed, in every horrid detail, until his opponent had retreated to relative safety: wounded and desperate. Part of Luke's heart cried out against the progression, broke at the feel of the fear that was palpable though the determination and forced bravery that shone in the eyes that looked back on him. The voice cried out in stunned horror and disgust, and finally fell silent... having learned what it meant to feel utterly lost, to be utterly defeated.... After that, the boy let go, handing himself over to the cold, thin air that surrounded him, sure that he would die and sure that he would rather choose death over the alterative fate that he had been offered.
And Luke stood there alone, again silent, again numb. The boy had chosen the bitterly cold winds and the cold grip of empty space over that of the ominous figure that stood before him. Why had he? But Luke understood why. Once more the dream, the vision, overlapped into the reality of the past. He looked down at the falling form and felt the rushing winds, remembered the feeling of falling, and falling... and he felt the desperation in whispered cries for help.
Then, from his vantage point in the guts of Cloud City, Luke leaned back weakly from the railing that lined that thin ramp way. He looked down at the fingers that clutched the rail. They belonged to his own mechanical hand... and again Luke saw the progression that he feared. Every awful moment replayed through his numbed mind to the same undeniable conclusion.
Luke felt that same familiar sense of defeated helplessness again now... but not as the boy who had acted so bravely and so foolishly. Many years had passed since that night, and he suddenly felt very far from the determined certainty that had caused him to step off of that platform and into thin air when Darth Vader, his Father, had offered Luke his hand.
Luke couldn't forget that unrelenting drive that had first possessed him in the vision. It brought him to face his opponent with such dispassionate fervor... it was almost need; and a blind hatred had numbed the rest of his emotions, drawing him relentlessly into this unbearable action. His eyes fell, and filled with tears. He didn't know how to stop it, and it was that realization that terrified him down to the core of his being.
Luke blinked his eyes against it, fighting back the intensity of his emotions, struggling for self-control as he came awake. His heart beat heavily and the covers clung to him as he sat up, his own sweat chilling him, but the bunk room surrounding him was quiet. It made for an eerie contrast against the turmoil of desperation and helplessness in his waking emotions....
The chime sounded half a second before the bunk room door slid open, causing Luke to wince. He hadn't sensed anyone approaching. As the light streamed in Luke shielded his eyes with one hand and let his emotions reach out to the person standing in the doorway.
"Han. Is Dangin moving?"
"According to our people, he just broke space for Tritis." Han came a couple of steps inside and let the bunk room door close behind him just as Luke hit the interior lights. The younger man swung his feet from the bunk and started getting dressed.
Grateful for the opportunity to redirect his thoughts toward some course of events that he could affect, Luke quickly pushed nightmare images out of his thoughts and concentrated all his energy on the mission at hand; he wanted to get to the bottom of this mystery surrounding Tritis.
"I wish you'd rethink this, Junior." Han's tone of voice did nothing to hide his worry. He didn't like anything about the idea of sending Luke Skywalker into the Tritis system. Luke was too recognizable, and there were too many Imperials still wanting revenge for the Empire's fall.
"I know you do," Han, Luke answered evenly, "but this is about more than this mission. I can feel that. Besides, I'll be in contact with you and Atamvr. You can blast your way in and save my skin at any moment."
Han chuckled. "You would make me have to do a thing like that, wouldn't ya?"
Luke, now fully dressed, reached past Han for the Jedi robes that completed his attire. He would have to dress down a bit once they made the rendevous point their NRI contact had provided, but for now Luke was looking very much the Jedi Knight. Calm, collected, and focused, the tired shadows that Han had been noticing in his friend's face over the past few weeks had drained from sight. Luke was ready to face the next challenge.
"I still wish you could tell me more about this one," he grumbled, following Luke back toward the cockpit.
"I do too, Han," Luke told him. "I do too."
~
Han rendezvoused at the coordinates he had been given to find a dilapidated-looking freighter in orbit of a moon that Laus had abandoned weeks ago. The ship, whose fake ID identified it as the Shape Shifter, was decent cover for Luke as an out of work smuggler. The ship's logs had also been adjusted to support that fabrication. Now they just needed Luke's disguise. Han turned around to remind him of that fact, and he did a double take. One minute Han was looking at his brother-in-law, the Jedi Knight, but the next minute Luke's features had changed, his bearing had changed; everything about him was different. It was like looking at a complete stranger.
"Blast! I really wish you wouldn't do that when I'm looking right at you."
Luke grinned and Atamvr laughed. "If I had done it while you weren't looking you might have blasted me."
Han couldn't argue with that. The man standing in front of him looked nothing like Luke Skywalker, even his clothing was different, or at least it looked different....
"You could at least warn me if you're gonna do one of those Force things," Han mumbled as he turned back to the ship's controls. "You know, the rest of us have to do things the old-fashioned way," he complained. "Disguises, subterfuge all that subtle stuff." Han grinned that lop-sided grin of his.
"Right," Luke answered, grinning in return. Han Solo and subtlety didn't generally mix.
Atamvr contacted the freighter, and once proper codes had been exchanged they made arrangements for Luke and R2 to transfer over.
"This is it, Kid. You be careful."
"I will, Han," Luke answered, hugging his friend.
Atamvr shook Luke's hand, and Luke pulled the younger man into a hug.
"May the Force be with you, Luke."
"And with you, Atamvr."
"Good luck." Han gave Luke a final wave, his voice heavy.
"I'll see you shortly," Luke answered with a reassuring grin. "Let's go, Artoo."
Artoo beeped and whirled his dome around before eagerly following his master.
Han and Atamvr watched their friend's shuttle dock aboard the freighter, and they remained in orbit until the Shape Shifter broke into hyperspace a short while later.
~
Luke and his copilot, an undercover NRI agent, made their way toward the location Dangin had just vacated. It was a backwater planet on the outskirts of the Myrtle system which housed several busy spaceports, and it was the sort of place where illegal activity was easily overlooked, for a price. Several of Laus' trade routes intersected here, and Luke was hopeful that it would also be the sort of place where a crafty smuggler could cajole his way into a job.
"You'll have to start at the bottom and work your way up."
A couple of hours later, the burly alien who had just run an extensive background check on both his alter ego and his ship assured Luke that there was work for him smuggling for this outfit.
"I just want steady work. My ship's reliable and so am I. I'll prove my worth," Luke boasted.
The man nodded, studying Luke again. "Get back to your ship then, and I'll transmit your orders there."
"Did they take you?" Luke's copilot asked a few minutes later as Luke made his way back aboard.
Luke nodded. "Turns out Karrde just hit another location near here. They're short on willing pilots and labors as a result; I'm sure that didn't hurt my hiring chances."
"Also sounds like a perfect time for me to jump ship."
Luke nodded. "I was thinking the same thing."
Once he had his first assignment in hand, Luke contacted Han and Atamvr.
"Are you sure this transmission can't be traced?" his copilot asked worriedly.
"Certain of it. I have Ghent's word on that," Luke answered. "I'm in," he explained to Han. "Everything's going smoothly. I'll contact you after I finish my first run."
Han nodded. "Understood, Shape Shifter. Disseminator out," Han concluded the transmission without any further conversation. Secure transmission or no, they both understood that there was no reason to raise suspicions with a lot of extra communication.
"We had better get on with our act. You ready?"
Luke nodded, and he stalked down the ship's ramp following his copilot closely.
"There's better pay on the ground, and no more wasting my time trying to keep this hunk of junk together," he argued loudly, not bothering to look back at Luke.
"Fine!" Luke yelled. "Leave! I didn't need you anyway; you'd only slow me down." Luke stood there watching his copilot walk away for another moment before his alter ego returned to his cockpit to sulk. Meanwhile, Laus' people began loading the Shape Shifter's cargo bays.
~
Elsewhere in the Myrtle system Karrde sat quietly in study at an information terminal, seemingly oblivious to the state of chaos surrounding it. A few moments later Mara reentered the room with a couple of crewers close behind her, their search of the base complete. Karrde turned to face her.
"He couldn't have been more than a half day ahead of us this time," she reported.
"We're narrowing the gap," Karrde murmured.
"Anything there?" she asked, motioning to the terminal he studied.
"Nothing we haven't seen before. He's smart not to network his most vital information," Karrde thought out loud. "I keep hoping that something will fall through the cracks in one of these escapes. But not this one."
Mara nodded tightly. "His main plans have to be in a computer system somewhere," she reasoned.
"Unless he keeps the information on him."
"That could be a possibility," Karrde honestly acknowledged one of the men standing a step behind Mara. He had just recently been brought up from one of their other operations to serve aboard the Wild Karrde. Talon Karrde had every confidence that he would made a fine crew member, especially given the benefit of Mara Jade's expert training. But unfortunately the circumstance was not an isolated one, and Karrde had to repress the strong emotion that threatened him as he felt the sting of so many recent losses: loyal and valuable colleagues that had been lost to Laus.
"Either way, we need to start tracking him again," Karrde finished the short debate with a pointed statement of hard fact.
"Already underway, Boss," Mara acknowledged.
And Karrde nodded. He had known as much. He said the words out loud mostly for the benefit of the newcomers. Then he stood and looked around the room appraisingly. "Let's forward these coordinates on to Lando," he decided. "And we'll wait for him here."
~~ ~ () ~ ~~
Far across the rim territories, from an abandoned base in the Aci system, Dangin was taking inventory.
"Good," he acknowledged into his comm link as he surveyed the ships that lined what was left of the hanger. True, it was not as impressive as it had once been, when he and Imago had managed this facility for Laus, but now the ships he surveyed were his own. And that brought a smile to Dangin's face.
Laus was going down; that much became more apparent every day, and Dangin intended to be ready. This fleet, along with the other assets he had siphoned from Laus, would ensure his survival and his place among the new leadership in Tritis. Laus' future was looking more uncertain all the time, but his loss would become Dangin's gain.
~
Four months had passed since Luke Skywalker had parted ways with his friends to undertake a difficult and dangerous undercover mission.
Han Solo and Atamvr Luminas were in the ship's ready room when the comm alert sounded. Han quickly made his way to the cockpit and slid into the captain's chair aboard the Disseminator to punch the communication through. Atamvr was seated in the copilot's chair a second later.
"Hi, Kid. What's up?" Han asked.
"Well, thanks to Karrde's continued efforts at dismantling Laus' supply infrastructure, my career as a smuggler is advancing nicely. I've been given an assignment into Tritis. They need someone to deliver a shipment bound for their command center there, and very few independent pilots are willing to risk their ships after Karrde ambushed Laus' last convoy bound for Tritis."
Han was grinning from ear to ear. "That's exactly the break we needed."
"Were you able to dig up anything on that name I got you?" Luke asked next.
"Tubanchin. He's a former Imperial," Atamvr reported. "No notable military record, never ranked higher than commander."
"Mostly we know him for being involved in the suicide attacks that came in the wake of Pellaeon's surrender," Han finished. "Once the Pellaeon Agreements were finally signed he disappeared, presumably slinking back into Tritis with rest of the Imperial loyalists."
Luke scowled. "Doesn't sound like an invasion leader."
"No,'' Han admitted, "but he may be the best they've got."
"Laus has proven himself a talented strategist; why would he want to throw in with someone like Tubanchin?"
"Simple answer?" Han prompted. "Tubanchin has the manpower Laus needs. He carries sway among the loyalists."
"That's a serious possibility," Luke admitted, but he still looked troubled.
"You don't think he's the one," Atamvr guessed at the cause for Luke's worry.
"No,'' Luke whispered. "I think he's involved, but he's not the source of the danger I've been sensing."
Atamvr glanced worriedly in Han's direction. "Luke, we're going to follow up on a few more leads while you're doing your thing. But the three of us should regroup in the near future, lay all our cards out on the table."
"Agreed," Luke nodded. "Once I'm clear, I'll contact you."
Atamvr nodded in return. "May the Force be with you, Luke."
"And with the two of you."
~
Luke emerged from hyperspace at the coordinates he had been given, his shields on double front just as he had been instructed. He winced for a second before the cockpit viewport could adjust to the intense light source straight ahead. Luke quickly checked the shields to make sure they were holding, then double-checked the nav readings. The coordinates were correct, but they had brought him out of hyperspace right on top of a brilliant red-orange sun.
"Incoming freighter," his ship's comm crackled to life with instructions, "continue on your present course while we verify your identification."
"Acknowledged," Luke answered. He extended his senses, reaching out to the Force. Ship's sensors and his own eyesight could tell him nothing about his destination; he couldn't even get a reading on where the transmission he had received was coming from. But the Force reassured him that there was life nearby, concentrated in several different locations; his ship was on course toward the largest concentration. Luke felt no panic or fear among those minds, only a slight air of anticipation.
"Shape Shifter, you've been cleared to land," the transmission resumed a few moments later.
Luke hoped his sardonic grin came through across the comm's audio relay. "Exactly where do you propose I do that, and preferably before my shields give out?" he questioned.
The voice on the other side of the comm chuckled in amusement. "Must be your first run into Red Eye, Shape Shifter. Just follow the flight path that's been transmitted to you; everything else will make sense shortly, assuming your shields hold out," he added sardonically.
Luke cut the transmission and followed his flight path as instructed... and things did begin to make sense very shortly. He found himself coming up on a red planet that was surrounded by a handful of dark grey moons, all of which existed in close orbit around the system's massive sun. As he closed in on the planet, Luke began to see mystery fighters swarming with ease in and out of hanger bays that were imbedded under the planet's surface. Beneath the protection of their high tech shielding, those fighters were unaffected by the intense solar radiation from the system's sun.
R2D2 beeped worriedly at the ominous sight in front of them.
"Pretty impressive place to set up shop," Luke acknowledged. He was impressed by the ingenuity of the whole setup. The sun's proximity to this planet and its moons made it completely uninhabitable, and kept it almost completely hidden from sight. It was quite possibly the last place in the Tritis system that anyone would expect to find a hidden base.
Luke put down in the landing bay and stayed in character long enough to make a loud fuss over his ship, in turn bragging about its durability and threatening that no harm better have come to its shielding on the dangerous approach.
"They could at least warn a guy before unloading him right on top of a sun!" Luke grumbled.
The hired muscle unloading his cargo showed little concern for him or his wounded pride, but Luke could also feel that they were wary of him, measuring the new pilot.
"What'd you think they told you to come out of hyperspace with your shields on double front for?" one of them asked rhetorically.
Luke grinned. "I asked 'em that, myself; didn't get much of a straight answer. But you know, I doubt I would've believed it if they had told me."
Luke kept up his bantering with the base personnel until he was fairly sure that they were done sizing him up, and he continued until they were tired enough of his presence to not care if he left. Then Luke made a few general inquiries about the facilities that would give him plausible excuses to wander around the base for a short time. After lingering outside the cargo bay long enough to assure himself through the Force that no one would be following him, Luke set off into the base's interior.
His tour quickly brought him across multiple hangers bays filled with HTS fighters, but he found no larger ships in the fleet here. Then a trickle of emotion in the Force led him after a line of guards; he felt a spark of nervousness in their emotions. These men were honor guards, on their way to meet someone important. Luke wandered along a safe distance behind them until they entered another hanger bay. He then worked his way into a neighboring hanger which shared a catwalk overlooking the two bays. Guards were stationed at each end of the catwalk, but it took only a touch of the Force's energy to occasionally distract them from Luke's presence.
This hanger was as large as the others Luke had seen, but it only housed three ships: an armed Ab freighter that was accompanied by two mystery ships. By the look of them, all three ships had just put down. Luke crouched down on the catwalk and watched as the hanger bay doors opened again. The guards stood at attention as a man in military style dress strode into the room, walking through their ranks toward the ship whose boarding ramp was now lowering. A second individual stepped down that ramp and greeted the first. With his senses extended, Luke was able to make out the name: Vice Commander Tubanchin. Then a sensation of danger exploded in Luke's mind.
The man who had just greeted Tubanchin looked up at Luke, then Tubanchin gave the order for his guards to secure the room. Luke reacted instinctively, and as the guards scrambled into action he reached out to the Force and jumped over the side of the catwalk. Catching hold of a support rail, Luke slid smoothly to the floor. Almost before his feet were back on solid ground, he took off running... running and avoiding blaster bolts.
"Artoo, get the ship ready," Luke called over his comm link, "we need to get out of here, fast. And send a message to the Disseminator; tell them that if we can't shake these guys, we might be bringing company to the rendevous."
~
"Not to worry; he's harmless," Tubanchin assured his guest. "Just a supply carrier with a bit too much idyl curiosity. I'm sure it was no more than that."
"Then why did the man run?" Morph asked conversationally.
"Our security forces must have spooked him. Not to worry," he repeated confidently, "we'll catch him; his ship can't evade our fleet."
Septis Morph scowled. The HTS fighters might give him a good chase, but Morph knew that they would not capture Luke Skywalker.
"You almost seemed to know the smuggler was there before our security forces..."
Morph quickly brought his thoughts back to Tubanchin, finding himself in the unpleasant position of having to protect Skywalker's identity. He could not reveal to Tubanchin just how serious this minor security breech had been; Morph had no way to explain to the leader of the Imperial Remnant Resistance and the Tritis Allegiance his means of knowing things that he should have had no knowledge of.
"I'm sure I only caught a glimpse of one of your guards getting the drop on the intruder."
Tubanchin smiled in concession and changed the subject. "Your presence comes as a pleasant surprise; I must admit, when I heard we were getting a visitor from Laus' camp, I expected to be meeting with Dangin again not our own local hero, risen to a place of status as Laus' right hand."
"I thought it past time that I met with you, myself," Morph answered, careful of letting Tubanchin credit him with too much. Morph had a fine line to walk; his reputation in the Tritis sector could carry him far, but only if the trappings of local legend did not reveal too much of the truth. "We are quickly nearing the moment for action," Morph concluded.
"That is welcome news. Does it come from Laus or yourself?" Tubachin asked.
"Laus' time is quickly coming to an end. We must be ready."
"Then you believe you can hold Laus' plan together if he falls to Karrde."
Morph smiled. "Have I let you down in time of crisis?" he questioned rhetorically. "I am ready to do far more than carry out Laus' plans. You'll find I have a few plans of my own...."
~
"Han?"
Han Solo jolted awake, and he was alert instantly. He reached up and pressed the comm panel over his bunk a second later.
"Luke just made contact," Atamvr reported. "He's on his way here, and trying to shake a handful of mystery fighters that managed to track his course trajectory."
Han suppressed a curse. "That freighter NRI dug up for him ain't the most maneuverable ship I've ever laid eyes on. We'd better go give him a hand."
~
The Shape Shifter came out of light speed and Luke immediately threw the ship into evasive maneuvers.
"R2?" he asked. The droid's answering series of beeps assured Luke that he had established the frequency, then the mystery ships emerged from hyperspace, four of them, right on Luke's tail.
Luke Skywalker calmed his emotions and reached out to the Force, ready for another round of this dogfight. At least his odds were better this time.... Luke targeted the opposing fighters with a Jedi's skill and efficiency, but his ship was far more bulky and less maneuverable than the small, highly illusive HTS fighters. Three of those fighters were using him for target practice while Luke worked to get himself into position to get a shot on the forth... and with each hit they took the Shape Shifter's shields were coming closer to failing.
"Get another hyperspace jump set in, Artoo. If our shields slip any further, punch it in and we'll have to hope the rest of them loose our trail this time."
R2 beeped an affirmative, then a question.
"I know Han and Atamvr are in this system, but we can't endanger them by calling for help." Luke had purposefully chosen this destination, within the system but removed from the rendevous site. He had hoped to finish the altercation with the HTS fighters here and proceed on to the rendevous, but if necessary they could jump again, make this location look like nothing more than a random hyperspace jump meant to elude their trackers.
The ship rocked violently almost before Luke could finish his thought. R2 squealed, and Luke cringed at the flashing warning lights which indicated new damage and warned of imminent shield failure, but the Jedi calmed his emotions and acted. He pulled the ship up and found an opening to target the fighter that was bearing down on him. Luke got off a volley of shots at the ship's hull before he pealed away, and the opposing fighter exploded.
"Just hang on, Artoo. There's still three more of them out there. Try to get some more power to that damaged thruster." A proximity alarm began beeping just as Artoo screeched in warning.
Luke put the freighter into a diving roll toward a nearby moon, just before the space that they had occupied a few moments earlier flared with laser fire. Then one of two ships that had been converging on them, trying to trap them, exploded. Luke took a deep breath, relieved, but he didn't relax his guard; he quickly fired on the other ship, destroying it. The final HTS fighter exploded a moment later.
R2 beeped his relief.
"Thanks," Luke's voice echoed that relief. "I owe you one."
"You owe me more than one, Junior," Han responded. "But I could never have found you if my copilot hadn't told me where to look."
Atamvr chuckled. "Shall we proceed to the rendevous?"
"Right behind you," Luke answered.
~
A short time later Luke set the Shape Shifter down into a small forest clearing on an unsettled planet. The ship groaned in protest as it settled, causing R2D2 to beep in dismay.
"Well, she held together long enough," Luke soothed the droid. It was a good thing they hadn't had to go to hyperspace again; Luke doubted the freighter could have taken the stress. It was scraped. "Make sure you wipe everything," he advised Artoo. "We'll likely have to leave her here."
Luke lowered the boarding ramp and walked down, testing the ground under his feet cautiously.
"What happened, Kid, they didn't fall for your Jedi tricks?"
"Long story, Han," Luke answered, crossing the short distance between the two ships and making his way aboard the Disseminator. "The short version is that my cover was blown, and my ship's about done for. Thanks for bailing me out, you two," Luke offered, greeting each of them.
"Han thought you might need our help."
Luke raised his eyebrows at his brother-in-law.
"It worked didn't it?" Han answered with an evasive shrug. He took a seat in the ready room. "Between the two of us those mystery fighters didn't stand a chance."
"What happened, Luke?" Atamvr asked more quietly.
Luke took a deep breath and began explaining to Han and Atamvr how he had escaped from the Red Eye base and how his cover there had been blown.
"I don't get it," Han confessed suspiciously. "How'd this guy get the drop on you?"
"You said he looked right at you," Atamvr prompted, "like he could feel your presence?"
Han looked between the two of them warily. "You think it was the dark side?" he asked.
Luke shook his head. "I don't know. It was like nothing I've ever felt before: just a sensation of emptiness and danger," Luke finished, his voice eerily quiet.
"It was yasalmeri then," Han tried.
"No. This was different. I can't explain it, Han. I felt a disruption in the Force, not a void. This felt destructive." Luke stood restlessly. "I should go back," he stated.
"Not on your life, Junior." Han was on his feet too. "That base will be swarming with security by now."
Luke winced at that thought. He had narrowly escaped the first time. No fewer than ten HTS fighters had been in pursuit of him and R2 as they had blasted off the planet. Under heavy fire, he had jumped to hyperspace, but when he came out to make a second jump, he had found that about half the fighters had tracked his course. He barely had time to get a message through to the Disseminator and return to hyperspace before his ship could take serious damage.
"We already knew about Dangin, now thanks to you we know that Tubanchin is involved in this thing. Plus, we've got a command location to go with the base locations our NRI people have been collecting. We've got to assume that your friends back there don't know who you are; all they know is that one of their smugglers got a little nosey and busted out before he could be questioned about it. If you go back in now, we risk spooking them and blowing any chances for NRI to send someone in on a follow up mission."
Luke nodded at the logic in Han's argument, but he was far from convinced. Dangin posed no real threat, and Vice Commander Tubanchin was only a figurehead leader for the Tritis sector. Luke knew that the being Tubanchin had been meeting with today was the real threat.... His relationship to Laus and Dangin was completely unknown. And Luke sensed great danger from him. They wouldn't be expecting Luke to return... maybe he could sneak back in.
"Luke, if you go back there, then I'm going with you," Atamvr stated quietly.
Han shook his head, his sense changing abruptly from frustrated to determined. "I've got a really bad feeling about this..." Han Solo mumbled under his breath. "But I'm with you too, Luke." Luke would face hopeless odds for him; he had done it before. And if Luke was going back, that was reason enough for Han. He shrugged nonchalantly. "I'd never hear the end of it from Leia if I let you two do this crazy thing alone."
Luke lifted a hand, easily bringing the debate to a stop. Under different circumstances he would have gone, but he wouldn't drag Atamvr and Han into this. It would be a huge risk, and deep down Luke knew that it was a mistake to let his feelings push him into risking himself for something so unknown.... It took his friends offering to put themselves in danger needlessly for Luke to realize the mistake in his own recklessness. He needed to stop and listen to the Force, not rush blindly into action.
"Let's collect what ever agents are ready for extraction. We should return to Coruscant with the information we've gathered so far. We can't risk an information transfer any more than we can risk having what we've learned so far be lost with us, and our agents who are ready to be pulled out shouldn't have to sit in wait."
Han nodded, watching Luke reluctantly. The younger man's sudden change in direction surprised him, but Han also knew that this wasn't over as far as Luke was concerned.
"I'll send the transmission to our operatives," Atamvr offered, starting toward the cockpit.
"One more thing, Han," Luke whispered. "Can you get me a communications channel as soon as we break Tritis space?"
"Sure, Kid. Any reason in particular?"
Luke shook his head. "No reason," he said softly. "I just need to call home."
"We can get you a clear channel."
"Thanks, Han," he whispered appreciatively. Nothing else needed to be spoken between the two men.
Han looked worriedly toward Atamvr. The younger man had hesitated at Luke's request, but now he shrugged slightly and continued into the cockpit. Part of Han was tempted to ask if something was wrong, but he kept his silence. If it was anything big, Han was sure that Luke would have let them know, but it wasn't like Luke to worry needlessly either.... Han's heart gave a funny jolt as the worst possibilities flashed through his mind, making him feel oddly vulnerable. Suddenly Han was thankful for knowing that Chewie was back home with Leia and the kids. They couldn't be in better hands, so no matter how much he missed his family Han knew that he didn't have to worry about them. He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, and Luke gave him a nod in reassurance.
Despite that effort at reassurance, Luke could feel Han watching him protectively for several moments before Han finally made his way into the cockpit. Luke's decision had been practical; it was a necessity that they return to Coruscant so that they could report on the information they had gathered... but Luke also felt a more personal pull. He couldn't ignore the worry for his wife that tickled at the edges of his consciousness. He did not believe her to be in any kind of danger, just... he could sense unrest surrounding her signature in the Force. It was likely her struggle with her own inner demons that Luke was sensing... but the sensation was unsettling to him. He wanted to see for himself that Lara was all right.
Luke relaxed his mind and opened himself to the Force, reaching out with his feelings. The Jedi became aware of everything around him, and reached further to see well beyond his present circumstances. Time became a blur of mixed perceptions as the Jedi allowed his mind to touch the Force without hesitation. Where his meditations had been unsettled and unfocused before, with his own inner turmoil clouding his perceptions... now everything was clear. He saw this new source of danger for the threat that it was, and he trusted in the Force to lead him safely through any path that this new landscape would demand of him.
Luke didn't know for how long he had been in meditation, since the Disseminator had entered hyperspace, when he gradually became aware of Atamvr's presence. The Force told him that Atamvr had been standing silently, waiting patiently for many minutes. Luke opened his mind further to allow Atamvr to share in his revisiting of recent events. Luke concentrated on that moment when he had been watching Tubanchin from the catwalk, and the intense disturbance that he had felt in the Force just before his location had been revealed. The mysterious being had looked right at him, and when Luke had felt that presence in Force he had understood.
What Luke had felt was a source of pure destruction, like a black hole. It was a source of power beyond the constraints of light or dark; what Luke had felt had been the antithesis of the Force.
"I remember hearing stories," Atamvr offered softly as Luke opened his eyes and slowly focused his attention on the room around him. "Stories of an alien race that had been eradicated by the Jedi in the early days of the Republic." Atamvr crossed the room and sat down opposite his friend and mentor.
"Eradicated," Luke whispered. "Then this power can be defeated."
A chill gripped Atamvr. "Do you think there's more than the one being?"
"I only sensed the one disturbance... but I don't know. I didn't sense this being until it was right on top of me."
"That race of beings was said to have power over the Force, a power that they used for destruction."
Luke nodded, another piece of the puzzle falling into place. That individual had been the source of the disturbance Luke had been feeling in the Force. The mystery had not yet been solved, but Luke knew what he had sensed: a presence that could drain and cripple the energy of the Force, the same energy that binded the universe together... a presence capable of destroying anything, and possibly everything, that it touched. And it was a presence that Luke did not begin to know how to fight.
~
This morning it was not even light outside, but Lara had awoken early and walked to the living room to sit still in a comfortable spot. Over the past few months she had learned to simply sit quietly and allow her mind to open to the Force's energy. Today she put down her own strength and her own control, and allowed the Force to lead her deeper into its comforting hold. She could feel the Force telling her, very clearly, that this was where she was meant to be, just as she was, in this moment... everything else would take care of itself, in time.
For the first time in her life Lara Dare Skywalker understood her place. Lara saw her life anew, and this time, from this place, it really felt possible to leave the past behind her. There would always be a place in her heart that felt regret when she looked back on those times, but she was beginning to realize that this path, this journey, her life, was far more complex. She could accept the past, and all the things she could not change. She could let go of the pain that she had held on to, and even the regret could be allowed to belong to the past; the past could be released; it had to be released if she was to give her all to the challenges that would still lie ahead. The future was undecided more than fate, more than atonement. Her inner battle wasn't just about letting go of the past, it was about accepting the present and stretching out to embrace the future.
This time of quiet meditation that had been a great trial to her a short while ago had now become a great source of peace and strength a peace and strength that were greatly needed in the face of so many things beyond her control. Lara felt worry for her husband, for his safety and for his well-being, but there were also worries much closer to home.... Lara let her mind relax and leaned heavily on the Force, asking it to strengthen her and to help her protect and support the precious lives she carried.
The energy of the Force responded to her call with an intensity that Lara still found unexpected. For a long while she stayed in that moment and the Force flowed over her, renewing her, mind and body. When she slowly opened her eyes, a sea of thoughts and emotions were still swimming just at the edge of her awareness. The almost overwhelming buzz that had filled her mind slipped away in the face of her return to conscious thought. She took a deep breath, settling herself, trying to understand which parts were going to stay with her and which ones would fade back into the mysterious turmoil that came when human consciousness tried to look into the infinite reaches of the Force.
A smile crossed Lara's face at the slight tickle of awareness that touched the edge of her mind. There was a lot to be done; the Force assured her of that work to be done, life to be lived, so much still to come, all in time. Lara knew exactly where she had to begin.
The sounds of the door chime and a message alert on the comm panel sounded almost simultaneously. Lara had expected the former, and she reached out to the Force, lightly touching Leia's sense; Leia let herself in just as Lara was seated at the transmission console. The transmission flickered and Luke's face came into view a second later, filling Lara's heart with the usual mix of relief and worry as they greeted one another. It had been four months since Luke's last contact; she was beyond happy to see him, but she knew that there was more behind this transmission than her husband's desire to make contact with home and family. There was a great deal of uncertainty and turmoil still in his emotions.
"How's it going there?" Lara asked.
"We had some success," Luke responded evenly.
Lara nodded, and resisted the urge to ask for more information. She could see that Luke was unsatisfied with the mission's outcome despite being his proud of the successes he spoke of.
"I'll be able to tell you more when we return," he amended with a smile.
Lara smiled. She knew that she couldn't ask him when that would be, but for him to be speaking of it, there must have been plans in place. They were coming home, and her heart leaped with that knowledge.
Luke looked down for a moment, and Lara felt a chill run down her spine when he lifted his eyes again.
"Things have recently begun to make more sense," Luke tried to explain; then he paused. He sensed a great danger in the Force, but he had uncovered a great truth. He didn't know how to explain all that, and even if he did there was little he could say to her over a transmission channel. Mostly he had just needed to see her, to know that she was okay, and also to be reminded of her belief in him.
"How are things there?" he asked more softly.
Lara nodded. "We're looking forward to having you back," she assured him with a smile.
"It won't be much longer," he promised; "that's all I can say right now."
"I know," Lara whispered.
Leia stood a few steps away, watching the two of them make conversation, each carefully avoiding the underlying tension in their own emotions. The love and friendship between them was obvious in their concern for one another, but there was a disconnect that came with the lack of openness. Leia could feel a sad sense of helplessness overtake her sister-in-law's emotions.... Watching it made uncomfortable feelings, memories, prickle to life at the back of Leia's mind.
Leia put those thoughts aside when she heard Mark start to cry, and she went to the twins' room to check on him and Ben. But as she bent down to pick the child up images flowed into her mind: Leia was very young, and scared. Her mother bent down to her and whispered that it would all be all right, but there was a sadness in her eyes and fear underlying her brave expression.
As a small child Leia had wondered why such a kind and gentle woman had reason for such deep sadness and fear. It wasn't until Luke had told her truth, years later, that Leia had understood the terrible fate her mother had endured... in danger from her own husband, in hiding, separated from her son and allowing her daughter to be raised by adoptive parents... all in the hopes that keeping them hidden from their father would ensure her children's safety.
She must have had hopes and dreams of her own once, but at the end of her life she had had nothing remaining but the will to keep her children safe from the nightmare that she and the rest of the galaxy found themselves in, the nightmare that her life had become. Eventually even that will hadn't been enough to sustain her... and she had succumb to death when Leia had still been very young.
Mark murmured something against her shoulder as Leia soothed the child; he wanted his mother. Leia ran her hand over his forehead; he was still a little warm with fever. The medics said it was no more than a typical childhood ailment, and it would run its course in another day or so. In the meantime they had done all they could to make Mark and Ben comfortable, and now they simply waited for the illness to pass.
"How are you Luke?" Lara asked very softly.
Leia's steps came to a pause in the hallway, and she was grateful that Mark dozed against her shoulder. Leia saw the familiar evasion in her brother's voice and manner; Luke repressed a wince and smiled. He wanted to keep his wife from worrying about him, but they all knew he was trying to pretend that nothing was wrong.
"I'll be all right. I miss you though." The inner turmoil that he had been able to repress as he had kept his concentration on the mission had easily returned. Now that Luke was simply himself again, no cover to protect, no secret life just the Jedi Knight, Luke Skywalker his true feelings were harder to escape. Luke hadn't realized how much so until he had asked Han for this connection... and now that he was able to see Lara and talk to her.... There was so much he wanted to say, and could not.
"I love you, Luke," Lara whispered a few moments later. She smiled back at her husband as he replied, and then Lara reached for the switch on the holo, to shut it down. The outward display of frustration was rare for her, and not something she normally allowed herself to indulge in. It felt too much like self-pity. But she suddenly found herself lacking the patience to wait for the blank screen to flicker out automatically, and at times like these, when she was feeling frustrated and confused, it was harder to control her emotions.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She knew that these spells she was still fighting weren't helped any by the restlessness and worry that she couldn't help feeling for him. She could see it in his face; troubled emotions still swirled in his mind and weighted his sense. It was difficult for her to watch that and be unable to help him. She hated that he was unable to tell her the truth... but then she hadn't exactly told him the truth either. All she really knew was that the exchange had left her feeling more tired and lonely, instead of the other way around.
Lara repressed a sigh, reminding herself that sometimes things just had to be accepted, before they could be understood, before they could be resolved. At least that was what she was hoping. There were many things that even love could not fix, not alone. But love, matched with knowledge, and faith.... Lara turned to find that Leia had just stepped into the living room from the hallway, carrying Mark in her arms. And Lara could sense that Luke's evasiveness frustrated and worried Leia as much as it did Lara.
Leia carefully handed Mark to his mother, who brushed his forehead worriedly.
"Was that Daddy?" her son questioned, his voice drowsy.
"Yes, that was Daddy. He doesn't know when he'll be home, but he loves you very much and wants you and your brother to feel better soon." Lara lifted her gaze. "And he said that Uncle Han and Atamvr are fine too. They miss us all, and will be home before we know it."
Leia smiled. That sounded exactly like the message Han would convey.
Lara put her own concerns aside as she held Mark in her lap. Eventually the soft conversation between mother and son faded as Mark started to grow sleepy again, but the silence that remained between the two women was more than for his benefit.
Leia could feel a quiet in her friend, a sadness in her sister-in-law that was deeply unnerving to her. It was too familiar. The circumstances were too familiar for comfort.
"You should tell him," Leia stated.
Lara grimaced, and shook her head in answer.
"I think you're wrong," Leia stated as gently as she could against her sister-in-law's denial. It was hard for her to contain her own emotions in the face of Lara's refusal. "If you told him that you need him here, if he knew" Leia argued, and she paused as Lara looked away uncomfortably. "If he knew, he would want to be here with you," she finished persistently, but her voice had lowered, going more gently on her friend.
"I want him to come back knowing that he belongs here, not out of obligation," she spat the lesser term, and she swallowed hard. "The weight of one more duty that he doesn't know if he can handle... I won't do that to him," Lara finished weakly.
"How do you think he's going to feel when he comes back," Leia prompted gently, "and you haven't told him? Those bouts of dizziness aren't going away. The meds thought that they would have passed by now.
"They're already keeping a close enough watch on me. I don't need your worry too," Lara snapped.
"I know what you're doing, Lara. I've felt it. And I know how much it's taking out of you."
"I'm doing everything I can to keep my children healthy, to give them a fighting chance," Lara answered. "Wouldn't you do the same?"
"What if something goes wrong?" Leia finally asked quietly.
"The meds have already done all they can to stabilize the pregnancy. If anything goes wrong, neither of us could stop it," Lara argued more weakly. She didn't like to consider that possibility.
"But he'd never forgive himself for not being here," Leia pointed out the truth quietly. Lara winced; that thought worried her, but her determination remained in tact.
"No," she decided. "I don't need him here, just to take care of me. I won't use that, as some way to hold on to him," Lara stated quietly.
"Just don't let go, Lara," Leia breathed. "I've never seen him as happy as he was just a few months ago," Leia stated worriedly. "Now," Leia dropped her gaze. "I don't know. He's so distant, so troubled."
There was an intensity in Leia's emotions that Lara had never felt before. It stunned her, but it also made sense.
"I can see why this scares you; I understand why it would," Lara amended easily.
Leia shook her head. "I never thought that I would see our father in him. Or our mother in you. But I see it, Lara," she breathed. "And it scares me that the two of you don't."
"There are things inside of Luke that he's still fighting. I know that," Lara whispered, and she swallowed hard. "Believe me, Leia, if I could somehow fix it for him, I would. You know that there's not much I wouldn't do for him..." she trailed off, honest and regretful. "But I can't do this," Lara breathed. "I can't. But Luke can," she stated. "I know that he can face it, and he can beat it. He has to find his way out of this doubt that he's always wrestled with, and maybe it has to be now, or not at all," Lara finished, her brow furrowed as she lowered her eyes.
~
Mara held her weapon trained on the target. It was only a simulation, but she knew that soon it might not be... and that knowledge was strangely chilling to her. Mara Jade had never been one to shy away from a challenge or shirk a fight. But now, in every raid that she led for Karrde on one of Laus' bases, Mara had felt an unwelcome nervousness. She knew that if the situation called for action, if she had to defend herself, Karrde, or their people, she would not hesitate, and her aim would not fail. Her conscience, however, kept her eyes locked on the training target aboard the Fire's small workout room.
Over many years Mara's senses and instincts had been honed for battle; she had worked hard to develop the necessary accuracy and to perform without hesitation to thought or to conscience. Now her challenge was in trying to balance the two sides. She needed to be able to act without hesitation, to retain the certainty and accuracy that may be needed to save a life, but she needed to do those things while letting her emotions remain open to the Force. Mara had to retrain herself to react to danger not as a highly trained mercenary but as a Jedi Knight.
Skywalker had told her to trust in herself, to trust the good in herself and the light of the Force. Accepting and believing in that good was a constant struggle; Skywalker must have known that it would be for her. Trusting in the Force enough to separate the past from the present, for the good of an uncertain future, was a challenge. But Mara Jade had vowed to herself at the beginning of this journey to keep up her fight, to hold the old darkness at bay, and to make the future one of her own choosing.
Once more, Mara executed the program. The droid ran its attack sequence, projecting multiple enemies for her to face. Mara immersed herself in the Force and concentrated on the feeling of warning it gave her in response to the perceived danger. There was one critical moment when she could feel with all certainty that she must act in defense or be struck down....
Facing attack after attack against mindless and soulless opponents, Mara Jade tried to recognize and to learn the feel of that moment in her mind... so that when that moment came in a real battle she could be just as sure of her action.
~
Laus sat back in his seat. Karrde was on the verge of pushing him from yet another base world, and Laus had been sitting, studying, trying to plot out his next course of action. It was high time for a change in strategy. He needed to bring Karrde's pursuit of him to a halt, needed to turn and attack.... But at this moment Laus wasn't thinking about the external threat. He was thinking about the internal one, thinking about the growing rumors of discord within his organization. Laus knew well the nature of those he commanded, and those he called his partners. He knew that they would trade in any semblance of loyalty the moment Laus started to show weakness, the moment they suspected that he could be overthrown.
Above all, what Laus needed now was security. Laus punched in another series of commands and sat back in thought again. It could be possible, he decided. He had been scouting this and several other locations as possibilities for some weeks. The base still held appeal for its security features, but its location was far from secret.... He would have to be very careful in making this move. He could afford to tell absolutely no one.
~
"Dangin," Vice Commander Tubanchin addressed him impatiently, "you know that, for years, we have lent our efforts to Laus, and for years he has promised us that our time would come. He has made promises that the work we have been doing for him would have a grand pay off: the ultimate downfall of the New Republic, and the ultimate rise of our ideals... bringing the mighty Emperor's New Order back to life, and bringing us to greater power than even he once possessed.
"I have made these same promises to my men, and now they grow restless with the desire that I share. These things must become more than words. Words cannot quiet their restlessness, or the growing fear that these promises will be all they see of our great dream."
"That will not happen, Vice Commander," Dangin assured him. "Laus is not the only man who is capable of bringing the New Republic to its knees, of bringing our vision to power."
Tubanchin smiled. "I was hoping that you would say that," he congratulated Dangin. "But we must move quickly. The situation in Tritis has not been so, unpredictable, in many years, not since the great battle," he corrected absently.
"The great battle?" Dangin asked curiously.
Tubanchin hesitated to answer, either cautious to share the details or curious that Dangin didn't already know them.
"The great battle that drove the evil one out of Tritis: the Force-user, Darlik."
"I did not know," Dangin admitted, speechless at animosity remaining in Tubanchin for this individual.
"We do not like to remember him," Tubanchin responded flatly.
"I heard of the chaos he inflicted throughout the surrounding systems before he aligned himself with Skywalker."
"That was after he was driven from our system," Tubanchin stated. "We eradicated him before he could turn those depraved powers on us," he added warily. Then Tubanchin drew a deep, collecting sigh. "But his mere presence created a great state of panic, turmoil, and confusion among my men, over what should be done with him... worry that he could use those powers to take control of us."
He trained his hard gaze on Dangin. "This is what I remember most vividly about that dark time. It was filled with chaos and turmoil, the same kind of turmoil that is building again now," he added urgently. "Action must come soon if it is to be a useful, organized move. If not," he offered, his voice lowered, "things could slip into chaos, and we would forfeit the dream that we have worked so hard to see made a reality."
Dangin nodded heavily. "We will not allow that to happen, Vice Commander," he stated determinedly.
Tubanchin gave him that same congratulatory smile, and with a nod of agreement he signed off.
Dangin turned away from the comm panel, his mind buzzing as he struggled to comprehend so many factors that were quickly changing the face of the upcoming offensive. Then the comm alert flashed again, and Dangin put his private thoughts aside to answer it.
"Morph," he greeted Laus' top aid, with whom he had been conspiring for some time to gather power in the Tritis sector.
Morph didn't waste time on greetings. "Laus has been scouting the Myrtle system, scouting the base on Marnia as a site for a future move."
Dangin's face showed the same confused suspicion that was evident in Morph's voice, but he stayed silent.
"I want you to go to Marnia. Find out what's there for Laus to risk returning for."
"I will," Dangin answered.
"Report back to me when you have answers," Morph finished. And the view screen flickered out.
~~ ~ () ~ ~~
One month later it was late evening on Coruscant. The Skywalker twins were awake but dressed for bed and sitting at the counter in the kitchenette having cups of warm milk; that was their nightly bedtime ritual.
"Daddy!"
Lara felt the touch of his mind just as the twins did. They jumped down from their seats and ran for the front door. By the time Lara had turned the corner behind them Luke was standing there holding Mark in one arm and Ben in the other, with Ben's arms thrown around his father's neck. Luke carried them back inside and set them down with a smile; his eyes were sparkling as he knelt down, hugging each of the boys before he gently pried Ben's arms from around his neck.
"Let me say hello to your mother."
"Ahh, you guys are just gonna kiss."
Lara laughed, taking his hands as Luke stood. As predicted, Luke kissed his wife, and both boys moaned in disgust.
"Go finish your milk," their mother admonished them a moment later. "Then your father can tuck you in."
Both boys ran to obey their mother, knowing that following her order would bring them that much closer to a bedtime that they now eagerly awaited.
Their parents watched their quick retreat, smiling. Lara shook her head in amusement before her attention returned to Luke. He watched her intently for a moment.
"How are you," he whispered, "really?"
He felt her hesitation, and something more. His wife was making an effort to calm her emotions, and it was a successful one. Her reliance on the Force had increased, and that surprised him. But more importantly, that trust in the Force had given Lara peace. Luke smiled, his hand moving to affectionately brush her face.
"Better," he answered his own question.
Lara's hesitation faded as she nodded in answer. She was at peace with herself and using the Force; Luke was proud for that. Lara was proud of that progress too, but she was also relieved that that was what Luke had sensed in her. He remembered how uncertain things had been for her before he had left, and his worry was for her state of mind.
They had no time for further conversation before the twins were back, and clamoring for their father to tuck them in. Lara bent down and kissed top of their heads as they each hugged her and then rushed past. Her husband's hand found hers again, and Lara followed him down the hall to the twins' bedroom where their sons were already scrambling under the covers, eager for their father's attention.
"Tell us the story, Daddy," Mark insisted.
Lara hugged her arms over her chest and stood in the doorway, watching while Luke went in after them.
"We want to hear" Mark's thought was interrupted by a heavy yawn "all the Jedi things you did while you were gone."
Luke smiled, tucking the covers around him. Despite all their excitement, it was past their bedtime. Their father knew they'd both be sound asleep almost before a story was begun.
"I'll tell you Jedi stories another night."
"Promise," Ben insisted, as sleepily as his older brother.
"I promise." Luke kissed them each, and when he bent down to Ben, the boy snaked one arm around his father's neck to whisper in his ear.
"You won't let Mommy keep hiding, will you?"
Luke's brow furrowed. "Hiding what, little Jedi?" he whispered back.
"Hiding our new brothers or sisters."
Luke smiled. "Why do think she's hiding them from you, Ben?"
"Idonknow," he mumbled sleepily, "justis."
Luke brushed the boy's hair back from his face, then settled the arm that had slipped from around Luke's neck back under the covers. And he watched them with a bittersweet sigh. They were the most precious thing in his life.... When he pulled himself away from the sight of his sleeping children, Luke turned to find Lara standing in the doorway.
Her continued presence came as no surprise, but that didn't make it any less welcome. His eyes never left hers as Luke crossed the room and let the door slide closed behind him. Lara's arms wrapped around his neck, and his arms moved around her in return.
"I'm so glad you're home," she whispered, smiling at him.
Luke touched his forehead to hers and gave himself a moment to enjoy her closeness: the feel of her presence both mind and body. Something in his wife's emotions remained unsettled, but there was no hesitation in what she felt for him... she was every bit as hungry for the feel of him as he was for her. He kissed her softly and, without their audience, didn't hesitate to let the kiss deepen further.
He didn't look forward to telling her that he couldn't stay.... But for the moment they clung to each other without thought of anything else. Luke smiled when the kiss broke seemingly of one accord, and Lara held him even closer, or at least as close as she could with her mid section interfering. Lara laughed, feeling the shift in both of their attentions. Luke didn't mind the interruption. His hands eagerly sought out his unborn children, his mind doing the same... but he felt something not right in the Force when he touched them.
Luke shifted nervously; he didn't want Lara to feel those misgivings, and he pushed them away. But Lara picked up on the hesitation anyway. Her hand found his face, bringing his gaze back to meet hers; she looked into his eyes for a long moment, but she didn't question him.
"Come sit with me," she offered. "I'll make some hot chocolate. I want to hear about everything you found."
Luke only nodded, and the two of them retreated to the kitchenette where they talked over the mission and its findings, through several cups of hot chocolate and late into the night.
Luke recounted to her how tracking Dangin's movements had lead them to many of the bases Laus was using to house his mystery fighters, and helped them to begin tracing the former Imperial called Tubanchin. And Lara listened attentively to the tales of Luke's undercover excursion as a smuggler. He seemed back to his old self, strong and focused as he talked about infiltrating the Tritis system and making the run to the Red Eye command center. Then he began telling her about the presence that he had sensed there....
"Now at least I understand the threat I've been sensing," Luke said softly. "This being is what I've been feeling in the Force." Luke hesitated. "I have to go back."
"Luke" Lara whispered.
"This threat, what ever it is, I have to face it."
But he had no idea what he was facing or what facing it would require of him... a shiver ran through her. She wanted to tell him not to go; she wasn't ready to let him go again, not like this.
"I'm sorry, Lara," he breathed; he could sense the turmoil in her emotions: confusion and disappointment. "But too many questions need answers. I couldn't risk it before, but..." he took a deep breath, his eyes lifting to meet hers again. "I have no other choice, Lara. I have to do this."
"I understand," she whispered, her eyes falling away.
It wasn't easy to say the words; she knew where they would lead. But she said them because she meant them, and because he needed her to say them. Luke could feel her helplessness, and he hated it. He could see her caution; there was worry and concern for him in her emotions, and he felt the same helplessness... only matched with determination.
"When will you go?" she barley managed, already suspecting his answer.
"In the morning," he responded quietly, heavily, "after our reporting to Inner Council." Luke fell silent; then he took her hands in his. "I wish I could explain this," he tried helplessly.
Lara struggled to pull her emotions back together, realizing that he must feel her turmoil. It was enough, she told herself, that he was telling her he had to go... and she couldn't argue with the strength of the need that she felt at work in him. Her love for him would have to be strong enough to accept this, to respect his struggle and accept that the path that it was leading him on would take him away from her again... at least for a little while. She couldn't change that, she couldn't fix it. She had to hold on to her faith in him, that he could.
"I believe in you, Luke," she whispered firmly. She worked at a smile, though he could still see the uncertainty she was fighting in her own emotions. "You do what you have to do," she stated, "and then you come back to me," she added.
"I love you," he whispered.
Lara held her gaze on his for a few more seconds before she let her hand slide across his cheek. She could feel that distance in him... an effort at restraint in his emotions. Before he had left, she had attributed it to his trying to shield her from what he was feeling, what he was fighting. Her fingertips caressed his face.
"I love you too, Luke," she whispered, and softly kissed his lips.
His arms enfolded her protectively. "C'mere," Luke whispered, prompting her to stand. "It's late, and you're exhausted."
She couldn't argue with that on either count, and Lara let her husband steer her to bed. She didn't bother with a change of clothes; she hardly remembered to kick off her shoes before she fell gratefully into bed. And she felt Luke follow suit behind her.
"Exactly where we were five months ago," Luke's voice mumbled against her shoulder.
His arms around her held her close, and Lara moved her hand over his arm in response... but her own eyes tightened closed as she worked at controlling her feelings. There was disappointment and disillusionment in her tired emotions; it broke her heart to feel his struggle and to be unable to help him.
Not quite... she couldn't help thinking to herself, but too close. Lara knew he wouldn't sleep. Luke would lie awake, exhausted, restlessly longing for the answers that he needed to put between himself and this thing that he was fighting... not only out there in the Tritis sector, but deep within himself.
~
Luke made his way to the rec room early the fol |