Trial By Fire pt III

     ~@~ Safe Inside

   At the beginning of the sixth month, the Senate Inner Council met again to discuss the progress, or lack thereof, in Lara's hearing. Today intelligence expert Wakiem and two top intelligence officials stood before them to make their final report.

   "Mr. Wakiem, we await your conclusion," Mon Mothma conceded the floor to the Senate's intelligence liaison.

   "Senators, New Republic Intelligence has completed a through search of the archive records.  Agent Queill has overseen the pre-Endor section of the investigation; Agent Liali has overseen the post-Endor section of the investigation. In each instance the testimonies given to this Council have been painstakingly checked and double-checked against our archived data until we have been able to reach a conclusion. 

   "It is our determination that substantial proof does not exist to warrant further investigation into either of the charges in question. New Republic Intelligence can find no evidence to suggest that Lara Dare is a threat to the current regime or an Imperial loyalist."

   "Very well," Mon Mothma decided. "We thank you and your team for your time and effort."

   A heavy silence fell upon the room as the NRI representatives were dismissed and quietly filed out, their roles in the drama completed.

   "It appears," Admiral Ackbar finally put forth, his gravely voice serious, "that Lara Dare poses no immediate threat to New Republic security." 

   The room remained silent, waiting.

   "If there are no other issues to be faced, then we should move for an outright dismissal of the charges and grant her her freedom."

   "There is one final option, before we take that drastic a step."  Fey'lya put forth his contradiction as a curious afterthought, but the entire room had known that he would be the only voice to contradict Coruscant's head of security on a matter of security. "I move for an official inquiry into her activities following the Battle at Endor. 

   "Councillor Fey'lya," the objection came from Councillor Organa Solo, "this body has already investigated–"

   "Specifically,"  Fey'lya continued over her raised objection, "into the suspicious fact that her immediate family members were executed at some time after Endor but before her return to her home planet."  The crafty Bothan let the silence hang in the air, and the room buzzed lightly with the implications of those facts before he spoke them himself.  "If she in fact has no traceable connection to the Empire, and truly did sever her Imperial ties after Endor, then what would be the motive behind such a heinous line of action? And who would have been able to ascertain such personal information about this woman who is practically nonexistent to the finest of our intelligence agencies?"

   The room continued to buzz anxiously, but no one had an explanation to offer. 

   When quiet had resumed once more, Mon Mothma called the measure to a vote. It was unanimous. Like the rest of the stunned room, Leia found herself voting in favor. She had a sinking feeling that the Bothan senator had just maneuvered the Inner Council into extending an investigation that by all rights should have been finished... but she couldn't shake her feelings any more than she could ignore the facts that Fey'lya's Bothan spies had most certainly uncovered. If NRI had missed this, there could be more hidden in this woman's past. And if someone had reason to harm her family – to track them down and murder them – her friends could be marked as well. Luke could be in danger.

   "Very well," Mon Mothma stated for a second time.  "These questions will be answered – and this matter will be put to rest, for once and for all."

~

   Night had long since fallen on the cityscape of Coruscant when Luke Skywalker's footsteps took him to the roof of the Imperial Palace.  This was not an unfamiliar occurrence, but tonight there was an urgency to his step that he couldn't explain... except that he knew she was there.... His friend was in pain. Too much pain.

   He recognized the feel of that dark place in her mind, just as she had recognized it in him once before.

Lara had come up here looking for him, pulled against her better judgement, unable to turn back. Luke understood that; it was hard to think clearly when that blinding pain was your own, but feeling it in someone else....  The eerie sensation made his skin crawl, and it was impossible for him to remain still, much less stay uninvolved.  He couldn't turn away, couldn't ignore what he felt. 

   The Empire had orphaned her just as it had orphaned him. She hadn't deserved the hand life had dealt her until now, and she didn't deserve to be alone now. Not trying to help her was not an option as far as Luke Skywalker was concerned.  He didn't pause to consider that she might not want his help; she was his friend.

~

   Lara hadn't been able to sleep.  It had been deep into the night by the time she found herself on the roof.  Even in the deepest night, Coruscant wasn't quiet.  There was always the endless and constant bustle of traffic, but from up here she could look up at the stars, see into the blackness of the universe behind them, and feel some sense of peace through the pain.  From here she felt closer to home.  She was closer to what was familiar. Closer to the pain.

   Lara was trying not to think, not to feel. She was alone. She let her eyes pass over the almost endless cityscape. It flickered at her, almost alive, in the almost living movement and light of the city that surrounded her. She hadn't heard Skywalker open the door or walk up behind her, but she could feel his eyes resting on her now.  She wasn't startled.  She wasn't really even surprised. His presence simply didn't change anything.  Deep inside, she felt every bit as alone as she had throughout the past two years. Pain and loneliness had taken the place of the family that she had once lived for, and now it was all that was left to fill the gapping hole their loss had left in her life, the gapping wound the loss had left in her soul.

   "You okay?" he asked. 

   The sound of Skywalker's voice cut into those emotions and Lara leaned more heavily against the rail, pushing down the uncomfortable urge that came over her.  She could hear the worry behind his careful voice, but she still didn't want him there.

   "I'm a little tired of being locked down on Coruscant," she said, tired by the emotion, tired by the explanation. "I just wanted some fresh air. That's all," she tacked on after a second. The words carried a little more venom than she had intended, but maybe that would be enough to finally drive him away.

   "I'm sorry." He hesitated, stung by the unexpectedly sharp words. "If you'd rather be alone, I'll go."

   Lara closed her eyes and released a strained sigh as she slowly shook her head.  Who was she kidding? His remorse and regret were completely genuine.  She got the distinct impression that if she was to turn around and strike him he would only apologize for the intrusion of his face upon her fist.... but she had no desire to harm him, physically or otherwise.  It wasn't his fault that she was here, and she knew that he was only trying to help her.

   "No. I'm sorry. That wasn't directed at you – at least it wasn't supposed to be," Lara amended.  She leaned her elbows on the railing in front of her and pressed her forehead to her hands.

   "Don't worry. It's already forgotten." Luke slowly stepped up beside her.  

   "It's just the hearing and the close quarters," she tried to explain, squeezing her eyes tighter against the denial.  But she couldn't even make herself believe that; there was little chance the Jedi Knight standing beside her would believe it.

   He watched her, knowing that it was more.  Helplessness and frustration may have been the catalyst for her edgy mood but those things didn't begin to touch what she was really feeling. The grief and guilt were awful for her.  Luke had tried at every opportunity she had given him over the past six months to help her work through those feelings, but she still remained reluctant to lower the defenses that she was hiding behind. He wished he could help her, could find some way to see her let go the pain she held so close, but Lara Dare had no intention of letting anyone close enough to help her.  The thought pained Luke.

   She opened her eyes, looking ahead blindly.  She was lying to herself again; and she was tired of the lying. "I'm really missing my family," she said softly.

   Maybe his patient friendship was easing her defenses.  "I thought that might have been it," he said just as softly.  Even through the pain, her easy grace still surprised him.  "If you ever want to talk, I'll listen," he offered gently. 

   Lara lowed her hands down to her elbows and took a deep breath as she continued looking up to the stars. "I know that," she said quietly. He seemed to know when not to push, and she respected him for that.  "I think that's why I was telling myself so stubbornly that I wanted to be alone, that it's easier to not remember that way."  Her eyes drifted away and slowly came to rest on him. "It doesn't work though," she admitted, the pain returning. 

   He only gave her a slight shrug that said, "Where do you want to start?" And he waited for her to be ready.  She tilted her head downward, avoiding his gaze, and a long moment passed before she found her voice to speak again.  Something in that avoidance told Luke that this wasn't going to be easy or pleasant.

   "It was today. Two years ago today, I came home." Her voice filled almost to the breaking point, weighted with a distant pain.  "It was supposed to be over, finally. I had survived, and no matter what else had happened, at least it was over.... I only hoped that they were safe, and that somehow I would manage to return to them, a little better than I had left them," she tacked on quietly.

   "I counted on that day," she continued in quiet, disbelieving agony. "That day kept me alive for ten years. Only when I was ready to go home, when I went back, there was no home. It was just a shell. The place was the same, just, buildings and memories.  There was nothing left; I knew it, the minute..." her voice trailed away as she slowly shook her head.  "It was like the pain was radiating out of that place, and as soon as I felt that, I knew. Everything was gone." 

   He winced at the unbearable pain that seemed to permeate her sense, and ring in her strained voice.

   "I thought that I could keep it from happening; I thought that my life would be enough, and I was willing to give it...."  The words rang in her mind from a lifetime ago, words that she had spoken: "It has to be this way.  If I go, it ends here...."  She had believed it then; she didn't believe anymore. "I was willing to sacrifice myself, and that's exactly what I lost. The sacrifice turned on me and I had to find some way to not be eaten alive; there was nothing good or honorable in that.  I messed everything up. I lost myself in that insanity, and for nothing

   "I couldn't save them," she whispered. "What good was leaving them behind? 

   "Arrogance!" she breathed through clinched teeth.  "I was so certain, so stupid! I was wrong, but I didn't have to pay for that. They paid for me.  They died for me – because of me – protecting me." 

   She abruptly fell silent. 

   "I was blind and naive.  I should have stayed," she decided again. "I should have at least gone back..." she decided more softly, "but I spent years tracking through the galaxy after Mara, after you, looking for some sort of redemption. I was certain that that was only way out.  And after it had finally come to an end – the sense of peace was extraordinary."  She stopped and took a deep breath.  "I still don't regret that," she admitted truthfully. "It's the only thing I don't regret."

   She turned her eyes back toward the stars, the universe beyond, as if seeking an escape. "It had been so clear," she picked up again, "so blindly clear.... But if I'd stayed – if I'd been there when they'd come for me..." her voice trailed off, unable to say the words.

   Finally Luke broke the silence.  "Then you may have been able to stop it," he said for her, "or you may have died in front of their eyes."

   She shivered. 

   "You know it doesn't do any good," he chided her softly. "This game.  What could have been."

   She shook her head.  "There isn't anything else," she argued bitterly. "There's no way to make it better and there's no way to get past it.  It doesn't end," she finished, her voice falling from bitter blame into painful acceptance.

   "I asked you once before," he said softly. "Would they want this for you?" 

   She shut her eyes, a pained sigh escaping her.

   It was agonizing, Luke thought miserably, just on the outside. "I know it's not," he said softly. "You've told me as much. You've got to let it go, Lara," he urged her.

   Her eyes opened to look blindly ahead. The words were oddly familiar, or was it the emotion behind them? She didn't feel any closer to being able to do that than she had two years ago.  But this guilt, it hadn't been in her, not yet, not like this. 

   She sat there for a few moments, alone with her thoughts, concentrating on breathing.  He was right. She swallowed past the lump in her throat. Her parents would hate that she was doing this to herself, and Mark....  She closed her eyes against the feeling; his heart would break to see her like this.  Then she laughed suddenly, at the vivid imagination that came unexpectedly to mind. He would be beside himself; Mark would tell her that this self-pity was ridiculous, and he'd threaten to shake her by the shoulders until she was dizzy.  Then, as suddenly as it had come on, the imagination left her. The closeness she had felt to him just a second ago was gone.  That had been more than ten years ago....  How could it have been?

   A sudden sense of loneliness crashed in on her so hard that she couldn't breathe.

   "Lara," Luke spoke her name, but it was as if from a long way away.  She had forgotten he was there.

   He had been watching her in silence. Now he was worried.  Lara didn't respond to him, and the pain in her was so vivid he was beginning to fear that she could slip away from him entirely. 

   "Lara?" he asked again, quietly, urgently.

   She blinked, as if not really understanding, but she had heard him.  He released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding as Lara glanced in his direction. Her eyes still held a glassy, faraway look as they flickered over him, taking him in.

   Luke met her gaze with a small smile, trying to give some reassurance, but her attention wasn't on him. She closed her eyes briefly, as if she was looking for something else now, something inside herself, and when she opened her eyes a moment later it was to look away.  Luke was left unsure if she had found what she was looking for.

   Lara sighed and glanced to him again before looking down.  He could feel the pain she carried in that sigh, and in her voice when she spoke.  "I just miss my brother, more than anything," she whispered. Her voice was closer to the even, solid tone that he recognized, but it was also deeply lonely, intensely quiet. Longing for something that was lost and far away.  The silence grew long, and Luke felt at a complete loss; all he could do was sit there with her, wait until she was able to speak, and then listen to her.

   "When we were growing up," she said slowly, "there was no small child's nightmare or fear that he couldn't chase away. And when I started to feel things that scared me, he chased that away too."  She spoke from feeling and from memory, of times and things that were very real to her.  Then she came back, speaking to Luke this time. "My parents wanted to protect me, from my talent.  They hoped that it was just a connection between me and Mark, but they were afraid that it was the Force." 

   "I don't understand," he said carefully.

   She let herself smile. "On a place like Marnia, the entire system's top priority was to stay as far away from Imperial involvement as they could.  A Force talent could easily have been a death sentence.  And then there was the Empire – the Jedi, hunted to extinction." 

   He nodded grimly, understanding.

   "They did everything they could to learn about it, and to explain to two eight-year-olds why this was something to be kept a secret. And we did, not because we wanted it to be or because we believed that it could be a game.  We knew, both of us, that it was serious, and important, and dangerous."  Her face went dark. "But I knew especially.  I could feel how terrified they were for me.  No brave face or kind reassurance could undo that." She glanced to him.  "For everything they gave me, for as hard as they tried and as much as they wanted it, they could never give me safety. Fear was always there, hiding behind it."

   He took a deep breath. "How awful for a child."

   She nodded and looked away from him, but her eyes showed the depth of that truth.  "They wanted very badly to protect me but they didn't know if they could, and that scared them.  It was impossible for them not to be afraid when they knew that their child could be in danger, taken from them at any twist or turn. That's a tough thing to ask a parent to live with," she thought out loud.  "If I had been a normal child, or if my talent had been anywhere else, what they were giving would have been enough."

   "But it wasn't," Luke said softly.

   "No," she said with a sad shake of her head. "But Mark was different," she offered quietly. "When it first started, these strange feelings pressing in on me all the time, I got scared a lot. Mark saw the way it went, that our parents would try to help and somehow make the fear worse. He would get so angry," she remembered, "that they couldn't see how much it scared me, that they couldn't fix it." 

   She snorted lightly. "I was a kid.  I didn't know how to say what was wrong, or what would fix it, so I tried to ignore it, to pretend that I was normal and the fear wasn't there. But Mark really saw me... he learned to see through me, even when I thought I was hiding the fear. He was my lifeline," she remembered.  "When I would wake up afraid from nightmares that I never could remember, and be afraid to go back to sleep – I'd go crawl into bed with him, and he'd make me laugh, or just talk to me until I could sleep again.

   "After a while those nightmares went away, but the fear was always there..." she trailed off.  "I'd still go to him. I knew that he would always be honest with me. If he couldn't tell me that it was all right and that I didn't have to worry, then he would promise me what he could – whatever he could do, or give, or be. 

   "He promised me that no matter what happened, he would protect me....  That was all it took. He understood that all I really needed was something real to put in front of the fear.  Something real," she repeated slowly. She had never spoken about this side of her talent, the fear.  And this was the deepest she'd ever talked about her brother, how much she had depended on him.

   "I always believed in that.  In him. No matter what, that never changed.  I always trusted," she stopped, the words catching. She was intensely vulnerable right now, and Luke was incredibly gentle with her, allowing her to be.  Something in the way she explained that stuck out in his mind, about Mark's being her safety. It clicked, and Luke understood something that he hadn't before.

   "You trusted in him," he said softly. 

   She nodded, her voice failing her.

   He hadn't seen it before, or connected it to anything more than her outward defenses.  But he understood now.  He hadn't realized the true depth of the loss for her; it wasn't just the defenses that were so hard for her to get past.  It was all that she had placed on her brother, all that she had only been able to place on him, and all that she felt had died with him. 

   She had never learned to trust anyone else like she had her twin brother, and she felt lost without that connection. She stayed silent for a long time, lost, and quiet, and sad. Then Luke gradually sensed her mood change, as if something was prodding at her deep inside.

   "You ever have nightmares?" she asked him, her voice hardly a whisper.

   "No," he answered slowly, caught a bit off-guard by the strange question.  There had been a time when his mind and his dreams had been haunted... but over the years the Force had helped him find the mental discipline to finally push those unpleasant images out of his mind. "Not in years..." he amended, "actually, I usually don't dream. Sometimes I have visions, but that's not the same."  He was silent for a moment, waiting for her response. Finally he asked, "Why?"

   "I do," she said, her voice that same unnerving tone as before.  Then she seemed to come back to herself. "That's the reason I came up here tonight," she continued. "Not so much that I couldn't sleep, but that I didn't want to.  It's a scary thing, to be afraid of your own mind."

   "Yeah, it is," he answered into the silence.

   The nightmares that once haunted Luke Skywalker's sleep had fed off of his fears and intertwined with his insecurities – Vader, and Luke's vulnerability to him, his own father.  Even now Luke had more than his share of self-doubt and worry for the future, but he had never questioned himself as he done in those times. Nothing had been certain.  Luke had been shaken to his core, and the shadow of those dark days remained with him every day after, keeping him grounded, centered, determined.

   Lara could tell that Skywalker meant something different and unexpected in his reply.  That drew her away from herself, away from her own pains and insecurities.

   She turned to face him, and the icy cold blue-grey that he saw in her eyes was unnerving to him. He had seen it before, along with that sense of cold, hardened defiance that guarded her; and he had seen the lingering pain behind it, in glimpses, but never as intensely as he had tonight.  Now he was starting to see past it all. Behind the defenses and the pain, and behind that vital, defiant strength that guarded her, Luke was beginning to understand what was real. In the back of his mind he hoped that he would see those eyes return to the shade of blue that had been so bright and clear in his memory.

   He gave her a half smile and motioned for her to follow him. They walked back toward the building where there was a bench-level stone platform a few meters from the entrance.  There they sat, half facing out toward the cityscape and half facing each other. 

   Luke sat down beside her, casually crossing his legs in front of him and leaning back on his hands.  He took a deep breath, his eyes scanning the stars.  In the back of her mind Lara noted that he looked for the stars to clear his thoughts, just as she did. "It's hard to explain," he started. 

   "When I was first learning, I thought," he trailed off, laughing slightly at himself.  "I thought the Force was something perfect. Like if I could just become strong enough in the Force, then eventually there would be a time when everything would make sense.  Once I knew as much as my Masters – surely the galaxy must have made sense to them, so eventually it would make sense to me.

   "Now it's been, too many years," he admitted with a sigh, "since they left me. Sometimes I can almost touch that place. When I'm calm and at peace, as Yoda taught me. There are moments where there is some sort of order to the galaxy, and I can see it."  Again his eyes stretched out toward it. "Then, the rest of the time, there are too many questions that I can't answer and too many things in myself that I doubt."

   Genuinely surprised, she didn't say anything right away. "I had no idea," Lara finally offered.

   He snorted gently. "Well, I usually try to keep it under wraps."  Then he grinned at her. "People tend to rely on a Jedi for knowledge and reassurance.  It wouldn't do to have me asking everyone for advice."

   Again she looked at him with surprise. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were asking me for advice," she said straight-faced.

   "At least for a sympathetic ear," he countered honestly.

   "There's a lot that I still don't know," he continued. "Sometimes I wonder if it was that way for them too.  Maybe they were where I am now – maybe they were just presenting a united front and answering their own questions on their own time. Maybe. I don't know.  Then again, they had considerably more life experience than I did." Again, he laughed at himself a little. "Yoda was over 900 years old after all. I'm just a drop in that bucket."

   "For what my opinion's worth, I think you're doing pretty well," Lara offered. "You've almost single-handedly turned everything around, for the New Republic, the Jedi."

   He seemed to sigh. "You'd never guess something like that would be so much of a burden."

   She considered that for a moment.  "No, I guess you wouldn't.  But now that you say it, I can see it.  It's kind of like the whole galaxy becomes your responsibility now."

   This time he was surprised, and for a moment he studied her face as if trying to be sure that she was serious. "It does feel like that," he said finally. "If it wasn't for me," he struggled, "for my actions, a lot of things would be different.  Now everybody depends on me to be wisdom and knowledge, and to keep peace. All the things a Jedi is supposed to do... and simply to know what to do. 

   "I want that responsibility," he continued.  "I just want to be able to do it." 

   "Yeah. I can see where that would come in handy." She couldn't completely understand what he was facing, but she did empathize with his struggle. Then she took a breath, perhaps made a little self-conscious by her lack of understanding. She seemed to back further away from him.  "Not that I have any problem with the galaxy knocking on my door, so what do I know, right?" she questioned him with false lightness. 

   "You know how I feel," he answered with a certainty that caught her off guard. "There are things that I feel," he continued a little hesitantly, "that I've never been able to speak to anybody about: the pain of losing so many people that I still need, and still feel lost without.... Other people try to give advice, want to make it better – but I don't want it made better," he spat the last words in frustration.  "I do," he amended a moment later, struggling to express what he truly meant, "but nobody can give that.  It's something that I've got to find in myself.

   "You understand that."

   She turned her gaze away from him, again growing uncomfortable with the exchange.

   "More," he continued, and the urgency in his voice caused her to turn back to him. "You know what I'm feeling," he said softly, "without my having to explain it."

   She got a strange look on her face. 

   He grimaced in response. "A burden, huh?" he asked gently, a little ashamed at the realization.

   "It could be," she admitted, "but it's not from you," she spoke honestly, clearly. "I don't have to try to understand. I know.  I know what it's like to carry this pain that's so intense – it feels like it's all that will ever exist.  It blurs your days until you can't forget the past, and then when you finally can make it through the days, it keeps you awake... standing outside somewhere in the night air, staring up at the stars, sleepless."

   Luke only nodded.  She could have been describing his life as vividly as her own, and they each knew it. They remained silent for the moment, meeting each other's eyes with the quiet knowledge of shared experience. Finally Lara broke the silence to speak through a skeptically guarded grin.  "We're altogether too much alike, you realize?"

   "I do get that feeling sometimes," Luke conceded with guarded enthusiasm.  "Does it bother you?" he asked pointedly.

   She sighed, telling herself that she didn't have to answer honestly, that she could keep her guard up a while longer.  He wouldn't call her on it; he'd know, but he wouldn't call her on it.  "It probably should," she admitted, "but I can't say that it really does."  She answered him cautiously, and with a little surprise. "Not anymore," she amended softly. "After I went back to Marnia, I wanted very badly to be away from people.  I didn't want to have to explain myself or my grief to anyone.  That worked for a little while, but this talent – it pushes me toward people. What else can you do when there's a total stranger standing in front of you and you feel their most intense joy or sorrow without asking to?" 

   He looked embarrassed. "Kinda like me," Luke whispered.

   She looked at him, stunned that he really thought that.  "I didn't mean it like that," she said. Her voice was that same mix of gentle, soft, even, and honest that he realized he had grown to depend on from her.  It left no room for argument, or doubt. She shook her head.  "That's exactly what I meant when I said that I didn't have to try to understand with you.  What you feel just – makes sense to me.... I know that it's strange."

   "No. I mean, yes," Luke admitted, grinning, and causing her to smile too. "It is strange, but," he shook his head, "it can't just be strange. It's not an accident that everything has happened exactly the way it has."

   "You really believe that?" she wondered quietly.

   "Yes, I do."

   He could see that the idea was hard for her. It was much easier for her to blame herself than somehow accept that the universe would allow such horrible pain, for some unknown reason.

   "Maybe," she finally said softly, searching for words. "There's no reason I shouldn't completely resent all of this, every unfair thing that's happened to me: the Empire, the Force, you, my being here in the middle of this stupid trial, my talent – most of all my talent," she realized quietly.  "It's the reason for everything else." 

   She paused heavily.  "I have a lot of regrets, things I've done that I wish I could undo and take back... but I can't make myself resent any of that, those things that were beyond my control.  I don't know," she said softly, "this talent.... Maybe it's bringing me to where I need to be."

   "Or to people that you need," he said gently.

   She didn't look at him.

   "I know that's hard for you," he acknowledged softly.

   She stayed quiet for a long time.  She couldn't say what was inside: how she didn't want to need anyone, how it was easier that way, safer. She knew it, and yet she couldn't say that to him – maybe because she realized that he did need her. This common bond between them was necessary. Even if she couldn't quite grasp how much, she knew that it was. She could see the way they paralleled each other in so many ways, both fighting their demons, and both looking for direction.

   But she didn't need anyone.  She knew she should just say it, but she couldn't. 

   Finally she did turn back to him, quelling the fight within her, taking a breath.  Abruptly, her denial faded, and in that moment he realized how much things had changed for her over the past few months. 

   "I don't know about that," she said softly, her argument fading against the quiet realization that he was right. They were so much alike; they did need each other, both of them.

   They sat in silence for a long while after that, realizing that they were comfortable enough together to just enjoy the relative still of Coruscant's deep night in each other's company.

   "Well, I don't think that not being able to sleep is going to be such a problem anymore," Luke eventually broke the silence.

   She looked at him, momentarily puzzled.

   "Look," he said, motioning toward the city. 

   She followed his eyes to the lightening horizon, far away against the cityscape. The lightening sky was creating an illusion on the Coruscant horizon, like the buildings themselves were lighting the sky beyond instead of the other way around.  She sensed Luke turn to look as well, and she felt his mood lighten with the hope of a new day as she stood beside him, watching the sun emerge over Coruscant's cityscape.

   "Thanks, Luke," she said, turning to face him.

   He nodded. "I get the feeling you'd return the favor for me," he said.

   She grinned. "I already have returned the favor."

   "I know," he said quietly, turning back to the rising sun.

   She had to draw this line soon.  The risk was becoming too great.... Lara watched the first curve of the morning sun duck through the tall buildings.  It couldn't wait forever, but maybe just a little longer....

   They watched the sun rise in shared silence. Then Luke stood and reflexively, he extended a hand to her.  But in the next heartbeat he dropped it back to his side again, knowing that she would only shake it off.  Out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw her begrudging grin in response, but they were both able to smile a little more freely to each other when they stood.  In the early morning light, they walked inside and went their separate ways without further need for words exchanged.

~

   It had been a short night but Lara was awake early, awaiting a visit from Luke and Mara. They were due to discuss the post-Endor years today.  Judging by the lull of the last few weeks, intelligence was also busy researching those years.  Lara didn't know if she was more curious to learn what NRI might find or to hear how Mara would remember their misadventures.  She didn't envy Luke in this process either; she knew that he would sit with them listening alertly to everything that was said, but it couldn't be any fun to sit and listen to the stories of how your death had been plotted by someone whom you now thought of as an ally.

   Her thoughts shifted back to Skywalker.  He was a strange mystery. When she was around him, she felt as though someone could understand... understand some of the things she had spent most of the past two years telling herself that no one else could possibly understand. The fact that Skywalker had not only made it seem possible over these past few months, but had managed to make it something less than excruciating painful was another strange mystery... but then he had seen enough loss in his own life to know exactly where she stood. 

   Lara Dare had focused on guarding herself, on separating herself from needing anyone, for years. First it had been for the necessity of survival in the Empire. Then, after, she knew that she couldn't take another loss. It was as simple as that.  Now it had become habit, a different type of survival.  Trusting had never come easily for her.  Now, after a world of hardship and loss, the possibility of coming to trust another living being was something that she simply didn't believe herself capable of any longer.  She had already lost everything once; there was no conceivable gain that could make that bearable again, not when she knew what was on the other side of that risk.

   The irony was extreme. Lara, with the ability to feel other's emotions, wanted intensely to cut herself off from her own, to avoid opening herself to any more loss. But she didn't cut herself off from Luke as she might have. She found herself wanting to help him, and though she couldn't imagine herself developing that close of an attachment to anyone, still, it was happening. Almost every time they were together she grew to trust him a little more.  They knew where they stood with each other. There was no duplicity, no deeper motives other than to protect the deepest parts of their souls.  There were still pains and fears that neither was ready to part with, or chance sharing, and they recognized that in each other. They knew not to ask, not to press against the highest of each other's barriers.  Still, almost every time they were together the barriers came down a little more – despite her blindness to it, and despite his awareness that she couldn't yet reach past the defenses that held her in place.

   Some of these things and more occurred fleetingly to her this morning as she waited for him....  Skywalker was a good person. Sometimes he made her feel more alive, and sometimes even less alone, but she had to draw the line there. For her protection and for his, it had to be that way. Lara shook those thoughts away as she felt a distinct change in the Force around her. Luke was here, and he was nervous.  She went to the door.

   "Morning," she greeted him with a smile, and she felt him relax. Had he been nervous about seeing her again after their conversation last night? Lara felt herself relax when he smiled in return. 

   "Morning.  I wanted to make sure you were okay today before we got started."

   Lara nodded. "A little tired, but I'm all right."

   "Good."  Luke grinned. "I like watching the sun rise as much as the next person–"

   "Just after a night's sleep, and not in place of it?"

   "Yeah, exactly," he agreed, laughing.

   "We won't make a habit of that," she assured him, shaking her head.

   "It could get detrimental to a being's health," he followed her cue, keeping his voice light.

   "What about you?"  She motioned to the room around them. "This has got to be a little weird."

   Luke grinned again.  "You mean learning that there's a whole chapter to my life that I knew nothing about? Just a little," he admitted warily, "but I wonder if I did know sometimes. Does that make any sense?"

   Lara nodded. "You probably did – you know how you get a warning or a suspicious feeling but you never know what caused it?"

   He nodded. "I used to get that a lot growing up, usually when I was racing against Biggs, or in some other kind of danger. I'd get a warning sense, or sometimes I'd know something without really knowing how I could. That always worried my aunt and uncle. I guess they were hoping it would pass me over."

   Lara smiled, but she was holding something just below the surface. He waited.

   "My talent started a lot like that too," she offered after a moment. "I was eight when I first felt it; Mark fell out of a tree and broke his arm, and I scared our mom half to death. I was in awful pain all of a sudden. I kind of knew that it was really him, but I didn't know how; it didn't connect at first.  Then before either of us really knew what was going on, he walked in holding his arm."

   Luke fell silent.  "Leia and I didn't grow up together," he thought out loud.  "I wonder if it would have been like that, if we would have been that close."  Then, self-consciously, he looked to her. "I'm sorry," he apologized with a grimace, searching her eyes worriedly. Only her eyes showed it when she hurt. Sometimes it was a cold stare meant to push him away or a numb emptiness that made him wince.  He was expecting to see the latter, but neither met him.  Lara only smiled, looking down, almost oblivious to the implication. They had each other now.

   "It's okay," she said easily.  She had gotten used to this dance they did. He got a little too close to the bone sometimes, but she knew his intentions were good. She knew that he would never intentionally treat her pain lightly, and she was getting better at overriding those survival instincts that still popped up, like when he'd come out onto the roof last night....

   "For a while our parents thought it was a connection just between us.  Strange, but not entirely unheard of.  It was always very strong between us, but as I got older it grew stronger in other ways.  It extended to my parents pretty quickly, to anyone I was close to, really.  By the time I was a teenager, it was any strong emotion. Finally I could pick up on even little things, in people's faces or reactions, if I was looking for them."

   "Can you control it at all?" Luke asked curiously.

   "It's not a conscious reaction," she stated thoughtfully.  "I can phase it down to an extent, but it's not something that I can bend and shape, and it isn't something that I have to work at; it's not the Force like you know it.  I learned that when I started training in the Empire.

   "Other aspects of the Force were totally foreign to me when I started learning them. Sure, I can do those things: reach out with the Force, use simple mind tricks, and I can handle a lightsaber.  Endless practice made all that possible. Still, it's unrelated to what comes naturally to me, not at all the same as knowing when my twin brother was in trouble," she said, speaking of him lightly for the first time.  Then she brought her thoughts back to Luke's question.  "I can't turn it on and off.  And if I'm distracted myself, it gets clouded.  I know it's Force-related, but I don't understand how exactly.

   "I've never understood it," she decided heavily. "I should probably curse this talent, for all that it's cost me and all that it's put me through... but I've never been able to make myself feel that. It still feels like some sort of a gift.  It always has, even when I was young. Despite the fear or the danger I always felt that something was guiding me, even if I didn't understand what, or how. Even through the darkest times I've felt that guidance."

   "I've often wondered if the Force guides people in different ways, like that," Luke wondered out loud.  "Times when I've been injured, I can control the pain using the Force but I can't heal myself to any useful extent. I wonder if the connection is specific like that, or if it's something you learn.  You learned to use the Force in other ways, but your stronger connection to it is much more attuned to life, not quite healing, but knowing when people are in need."  

   She kept silent, seeing his newfound fascination with this aspect of the Force that was just occurring to him.  Strange, she thought, but she had always assumed that he just knew, that whatever it was that made him a Jedi gave him some greater insight.

   A chime at the door interrupted those thoughts.

   "That'll be Mara," Luke said, standing to go meet her.

   Lara nodded. She had almost forgotten the purpose of this visit.  Somewhere along the line she had begun to enjoy this friendship between herself and Skywalker.  She had almost begun to forget the true nature of things here.  But she was still on trial, and likely to be found guilty by the Senate Inner Council. She still had a sea of past wrongs that couldn't be atoned for, and the past's pain always at her back.

   "Everybody ready for a walk down memory lane?" Mara called as she came inside.

   Lara stood to greet Mara Jade. It wouldn't do any of them any good for Lara to forget her limitations. "Where should we begin, Vishac or Mustar?"

   "Mustar," Mara recalled heavily, "I had forgotten Mustar."

   Lara gave her a knowing nod. "That's the point of this exercise, isn't it, to remember what we've spent the last few years forgetting?"

   "Actually, the cause is to remember what the council might ask you about," Luke corrected, "so that you can be ready to give them your side of the story."  He had been pleased to find Lara upbeat and ready to talk this morning, but it appeared her optimism had limits. Her opinion of this hearing and her enthusiasm for remembering the past remained unchanged.  Luke regretted that, on both counts.  He wished that he could allow Lara Dare to forget the past caused her so much pain, but unfortunately her freedom could depend on those memories.  "We'll begin at Mustar, then," Luke decided easily, dropping into a chair across the room from the two women as they began to talk. 

   He remembered Mustar.  It was one of a million short-term Rebellion bases where they'd taken sanctuary after Hoth, after Bespin.  Leia had been preoccupied with her worries over Han, and they had waited anxiously for word from Lando and Chewie, for a signal that it was time for them to move on Jabba the Hutt. Luke could sense then that Leia's feelings had changed.  A short time earlier that knowledge would have been a crushing blow for Luke; Leia had captured his heart since the first time he had seen her in image form, her projection begging for Obi-Wan Kenobi's aid against the Empire. But those times had felt very far away on Mustar, and Luke felt as if he had aged a lifetime in the space of a few days.

   No matter how hard he had tried to keep his thoughts centered on the Rebellion, on planning his friend's rescue, Luke hadn't been able to escape what had happened to him at Bespin. He couldn't forget the truth and he couldn't bring himself to speak it aloud to anyone, not even Leia. She hadn't learned the truth until Endor....  Mustar had been a dark place for him for all of those reasons, but at least he had been surrounded by friends, buoyed by the courage of the Rebel Alliance.  He had never questioned his safety there. He was about to learn that he should have.

   Lara watched the Jedi sitting across the room trying to be unobtrusive as his life and death were discussed as an objective, time and time again, like a chess match played out between two masters. As Lara discussed the past she shared with her one-time arch enemy it was hard for her to pull her sleep-deprived mind away from the events of last night and this morning, from Skywalker. Her first instinct had been to push him away, and quickly – before he could get in with that simple, easy way of his that kept opening him up to her, and letting her do the same. But even though that would be the easiest way out, she couldn't take it. Time and time again, she had stubbornly pushed him away whenever he got too close... but she couldn't deny the connection between them.  That connection was real, and on such a deep level that neither of them could turn it away... not even when it was pushing them toward pains they'd rather forget and emotions that they weren't comfortable with feeling, let alone expressing.

   Just like that first time she'd come to him on the roof of the Imperial Palace, when he'd been in pain.... She couldn't turn back now, just like she couldn't turn back then.  She had trusted him to understand, to listen, and in some ways she needed those things more than she was comfortable with.  So she buried that need and she stubbornly pushed him away whenever he got too close to seeing it for himself... but even the need to keep him at a distance was growing steadily less urgent. She was finding his presence to be more and more of a comfort....  She had accepted the necessity of this friendship, and she was willing to let it go on as it was now, but she wouldn't allow it to become something that she couldn't get out of.  That was self-preservation. It had to be that way.

   Lara stifled a yawn, and across the room she saw Luke stifle one of his own.

   "I agree," Mara decided. "That's more than enough for one sitting." They had covered a lot of ground in the past few hours, with an effort to hit upon the more high profile of their encounters, things and places that NRI could conceivably know about – though Mara would be highly disappointed in both herself and Lara Dare if they had left enough of a trail for any intelligence agency to follow.

   "You're due for questioning tomorrow morning?" Lara asked as the three of them walked to the door.

   "Right.  I expect they'll bring you in after they talk to me," Mara answered.

   "Great," Lara answered.  Mara opened the door for her and Luke to leave. "See you then," Lara added dryly.

   Luke shook his head at the sarcasm exchanged between the two of them.  "I think you two are spending too much time together; Lara's starting to catch your sense of humor," he kidded Mara Jade. 

   Mara only snorted in dismissal, but when the door was closed behind them she saw a seriousness return to his features.  It matched the new edge that she could sense lurking behind Skywalker's familiar worry.  They began walking down the hall toward the turbolifts.

   "I've got a bad feeling about this questioning tomorrow," Luke admitted. "Something doesn't feel right."

   "You've done what you could, Luke," Mara reminded him as they walked.  "The rest is up to her."

   Luke nodded. "I know. I just don't like it.  They haven't found anything; I thought they would have backed off by now."

   Mara only shrugged.  "She doesn't need your protection, Luke.  She can take care of herself, believe me; I've got the scars to prove it.  And if you push her too hard, it's gonna come back on you."

   Luke grimaced, puzzled.  "You think that's what's happening?"

   "I think that you've always cared a lot more about this whole trial than she does; in the beginning it was her attitude that worried me," she glanced toward him. "Now it's yours that's out of place. Don't get me wrong; I'm glad that she's easing up on herself a bit, and I'm sure that that's your doing." 

   Mara hesitated.  "Keep going," Luke prompted her easily. It didn't escape Luke that Mara had used the term "trial" instead of "hearing," something that only Lara had routinely done. "You worry me when you hold back on your opinion – that's not like you. Tell me what you see changing here, Mara."

   "I see this getting personal," she answered, turning to look Luke in the eye.  "There's more going on here than meets the eye.  Lara's attitude is changing; it looks to me like she's returning more to her old self, and I think that you're the cause."

   "What's wrong with that?" Luke cautiously objected.  "If I can get her to give up this destructive grief and blame that she's carrying around–"

   "Nothing's wrong with it; it's just not that simple, Luke. She's trapped here on Coruscant: her against this trial – against the Senate, the NRI, a slew of politics, and a hundred other factors that she has no hope of controlling – and in case you haven't noticed, Dare doesn't do 'trapped' very well. Until now she's reconciled herself to being here, and you've started to change that. If you keep pushing her to face the past you could push her past the last bit of resolve that's keeping her here; she might bolt before this trial even comes to a conclusion."

   Mara's voice quieted.  "You know as well as I do that if that happened it would be nearly impossible to stop her."

   "And if she runs, guilt would be implied."

   Mara shook her head. "Wouldn't matter.  She would disappear."

   Luke sighed. It was hard for him to wrap his mind around what Mara was saying, but he had learned to trust her point of view.  Mara Jade's insight was usually sharp and right on target, and maybe he was too close to be objective; wasn't that what Leia had been telling him all along?  Maybe they were both more right than he wanted to admit.

   "I'm just saying that you're setting yourself up for bad things to happen here.  It's time to step back, Luke."

   He and Mara walked a little further in silence.

   "Maybe you're right," Luke finally decided.  "Maybe this is getting too personal."

   "Okay– Change of subject," Mara prompted easily, making Luke grateful for her tact, or was that simply impatience for an exhausted subject?  He grinned. Coming from Mara Jade, the latter was far more likely. "Our Coalition sources out in the Aci sector haven't had anything to report for a couple of weeks now."

   "Things are quiet there," Luke confirmed.  "The clean up at Rhaci is progressing.  There have been no more hostilities."

   "No trace on those ships?"

   "No, and no real motive for the attack.  Have your people gotten anything new on Laus?"

   "He's still the one you suspect?" Mara asked knowingly.

   "Until we can rule him out," Luke decided.

   "Nothing," Mara admitted.  "His territory's been too quiet; even activity along the Tritis sector is becoming subdued."

   "Quiet all over," Luke repeated distantly. He didn't like the sound of that.  He had a feeling that nothing was going to stay quiet for much longer.

~

   Mara's final questioning had wrapped up a short while ago and she had sought Luke out afterward, to give him a warning.  She didn't need to tell the Jedi that his instincts had proven correct. She simply relayed the facts.

   "I didn't like the feel of that room, or the direction of the questioning," Mara stated suspiciously.  Luke waited for her to continue and she hesitated before saying the rest.  "They were bringing her in when I left. Her, and some uniforms from Inquiry."

   That was all Luke needed to hear.  He headed down to the Senate Inner Chamber room. 

~

   Luke realized too late that he might as well have not been there.  He could only watch helplessly as the team from New Republic Official Inquiries, four of them, launched in on another round of the same questions in a different way. They doggedly kept at Lara with all the persistence of a specially trained team of interrogators.

   "What happened after Endor?"

   "What did you do when you learned the Emperor had been killed?"

   "Why didn't you leave the Empire then; you had no reason to stay, unless you were awaiting further orders?"

   "You were hoping that Vader had survived, weren't you?"

   "You were waiting for his return, for your master to call you back into service."

   It had been this way since he'd entered; their approach was borderline badgering.  Lara was holding up so far, but they were professionals and the Inquiry team refused to back down.  They repeatedly questioned her on what she'd done after Endor – where, when, and why – each time trying to needle her into saying more than she had before.

   "You didn't want the Empire to be defeated.  That's why you continued to follow orders after Endor."

   "That's not what happened."

   "There's no shame in admitting it. Mara Jade has already explained how illustrious her status was.  Within the Emperor's innermost circle, his Hand had every luxury: power, respect – surely the Hand of Vader must have known the same life of privilege."

   "That's not who I was," Lara whispered, her voice showing the first faint signs of strain. "I was an intelligence agent.  I was conscripted into the Empire, where I served under Darth Vader."

   Luke allowed himself a smile.  He heard an echo of the time he and Mara had spent with Lara Dare in that recovery. But her earlier falter hadn't gone unnoticed.

   "No one would think less of you for wanting to hold on to that life."  Her interrogator persisted, ignoring Lara's denial.  "It was a very confusing time.  And it's only human to crave power, to want to hold on to what brings security, station, purpose in life....  After Endor you wanted to secure your own place, make your own name. Delivering Luke Skywalker would do that for you."

   "No. I've already told you what happened after Endor – I continued tracking Mara Jade."

   "You continued to track Luke Skywalker, so that you could finish Vader's work: recruit him into the New Order, or kill him.  That was your mission."

   "No. The mission was to keep Mara from killing him. It was Vader's job to do the recruiting."

   "But Vader was dead. You no longer had fear for your life.  Why not leave Imperial service, and return home like any other conscript?  Why did you choose to carry out Vader's orders when you could have chosen your own freedom?"

   "Why would you continue to do the work of Darth Vader after his death? Why remain loyal to the dark lord of the Sith – unless you wanted the Empire's reign to continue?"

   "I wanted Luke Skywalker to live."

   Luke was starting to breathe a little easier.  Despite the tension and the drama of this strong-arm interrogation, Lara was doing well.  She was defending herself, cooly sticking to her story, to the truth. She refused to give in to their attempts at baiting her and avoided any controversial testimony or emotional outbursts.  Luke began to hope that this tactic might backfire. Lara might finally prove herself to the Inner Council today, and win her release.

   Then they started in on Marnia, and the suspiciously mysterious deaths of her family members. 

   "What happened on Marnia, after Endor?" one of the interrogators asked gently.

   The tension in the room became so thick that the silence congealed in the air, and Luke swore that he could feel his own blood congeal in his veins as an icy chill swept through him.  The rest of the room waited. They had been expecting this... but he had not.  Lara had not, and Luke didn't know if she would hold up under their scrutiny, not when it came to this.  Her emotions over her family's fate were still raw to the bone.  If they pushed too hard....

   "Someone went there looking for you. Who?"

   Again the voice was soft, almost gentle. But it was a deception.  Luke felt no compassion, no sympathy behind the words, only purpose. He had no doubt that Lara felt that too.

   Her eyes flashed steely blue as she glanced from one face to the other, meeting the voices that addressed her, but she said nothing; she felt nothing.

   "We know what happened there.  We want to know why."

   More silence.

   "Do you know what happens when an Imperial agent goes rogue, Miss Dare?" a third voice asked conversationally, "especially a high level Imperial agent, someone who knows a lot of secrets? Things that would endanger a lot of other highly placed Imperials."

   When she offered no answer he easily provided one himself. "Of course you do; you were positioned at the highest levels of the Empire's intelligence division, with contacts on top of contacts."

   The fourth member of the team leaned forward in her seat, calm and focused.  "But after Endor you didn't leave the Empire and you didn't follow chain of command.  You had chosen not to defect; you should have reported to the highest ranking Imperial intelligence officer you could find, for reassignment, but you didn't.  You bucked the system and went rogue."

   "They call it a net," the third voice continued. "The net lowers on everyone who ever had contact with that agent. Stormtroopers start showing up on the front doors of people who haven't seen you since you were a child.  The net cinches tighter until someone is found. Somebody knows something... and someone will reveal a location."

   "Rogue agents leave a circle of death and destruction all around them, right, Agent Dare?"

   "When Vader didn't return, you went rogue; maybe you thought no one would notice your disappearance in the chaos after Endor; maybe you tried to make it look like you had perished alongside Darth Vader, or at the hands of Mara Jade."  He shrugged his shoulders at the idol speculation before he returned to what he was certain of.  "The Empire was crumbling and you had to act quickly. You broke chain of command and took it upon yourself to finish Vader's work."

   "Yes," Lara whispered. If she had been on her game she would have pointed out that he was right about the failing Empire.  There had been no stormtrooper battalions sent to bring her back; the kind of resources necessary to cast a net over someone like Lara Dare would never again exist for the Empire.  For all intents and purposes she had disappeared that day, slunk away into the rotten underfringes of the galaxy; she might as well have ceased to exist.... If she had been on her game she would have told them all of that, but Lara was not on her game.  She was rattled, and defending herself to the Senate Inner Council had become the last thing she was concerned about. She simply had to survive this interrogation, without letting herself crack under the pressure.

   "Bring in Luke Skywalker, dead or alive."

   She shook her head very slowly.  "No."

   Survival wasn't all it once was....

   "The net came down on you, and your family paid the price, didn't they, Agent Dare?"

   There was only silence.

   "Didn't they!?"

   Luke flinched, but Lara Dare's face remained stone set, her eyes as sharp and cold as daggers. He thought he knew her pretty well, but at that point Lara had become someone he wouldn't have recognized.  Pushed to the limit, her sense practically crackled with strained energy. Luke looked around the room again, and he realized that he did know her that well.

   For the rest of the room, she was facing the inquiry team with a cold, hardened resolve, stubbornly refusing to answer anything that they asked dealing with her family, and repeatedly. Only Luke was seeing the strain on her.  Only he understood why.

   Luke knew it was all that she could do just to keep herself in that seat, keep her emotions under control. Calm.  He was rooting for her to hang on.  Just another few minutes, Lara. Keep control, resolve. Patience.  But he knew that even if she could win the inner battle she was waging, the war was likely lost. Luke saw the strain and understood the pressure, the pain... but he knew that for the rest of the room, she had become nothing more than a stubbornly uncooperative witness. For them, her refusal to answer was insulting. It made her appear self-righteous and arrogant.  But for Lara... she had no choice.

   Luke cringed.  This was only making matters worse for her.

~

   Lara threw open the door to the roof, suddenly unable to fight back the pent up frustration that she'd been pushing out of her emotions all afternoon.  She no longer wanted to hold those feelings in check; she thought about that room full of strangers, prying into the most private, painful details of her life – and all she wanted was lash out. 

   She stalked across the rooftop, feeling like a caged animal, bristling with unspent energy.  Her patience and her willingness to stoically endure this had run out. She was angry, but it wasn't the anger that gripped her emotions. It was the intolerable feeling of her own helplessness that gnawed at Lara.  The inquiry had left her feeling vulnerable and betrayed, and more than anything she wanted for escape. 

Had it only been a day ago?  She had sat in her high security suite, relatively comfortable, surrounded by her allies. When had she become tempted to rethink where her life had come and was going?  When had she begun to believe in Skywalker's noble talk, his blind hope for the future?

   Foolishness. Lara knew who she was and what she was doing.  It had been far too long since she had been able to afford the luxury of naivete. She had seen the truth today and it was exactly as she had expected.  The Senate saw her as a threat. They would find her guilty regardless of the evidence and she would not be allowed to leave here with her freedom.

   There was a time when she had been able to accept that, but no longer. She would not be helpless any longer. Lara Dare wanted nothing more than to be on her own again, where at least she knew that her own strength would determine her survival. She heard the door open behind her before she caught Luke's sense.  Immediately unhappy that she had allowed frustration to cloud her senses, the surprise of his approach only worsened matters.

   Lara whirled to face him, certain that she did not want to see him, and Luke skidded to a stop. Mara's warning from a day ago had been ringing in his head with every footfall.  He knew that Lara was going to run the minute she was returned to her own custody; he could feel that. The tension in her sense was still strained to the breaking point, and he could feel her need for escape. He was surprised and relieved that his chase had ended up here.

   This section of the Palace was normally reserved for high ranking officials of all sorts (Luke made his residence a few floors down, as did Han and Leia, and many other Coruscant dignitaries). Therefore it was guarded by increased security restrictions; the area surrounding the Palace was restricted air space, but Luke had half expected to find a ship here, a getaway in progress. He had also briefly envisioned Lara Dare trying to challenge the invisible retaining barriers that surrounded the building's uppermost levels (where high-risk individuals like Lara Dare could be safely housed), leaping into freefall over the roof's edge and into the city below.  Now that she stood before him, in a scene of relative normalcy, those thoughts felt more than a little foolish... not that Lara couldn't have done any of those things or more.  Mara had been right about her old enemy's tendencies and her volatile state of mind, and like Mara, Luke seriously doubted that Lara Dare could be stopped if she chose to run.  But she hadn't, and that was important. She chose to retreat. 

   Lara wanted for escape, and her emotions still teetered dangerously near the breaking point, but what she sought up here was control. Lara's life had slipped beyond her control a long time ago, but she had retained her self control and doing so had enabled her to survive. Through will power and force of habit, she did the same now.  Lara Dare stood on the roof of the Imperial Palace, staring coldly at Luke Skywalker... gathering her emotions... regrouping her defenses. Trying to regain her control.

   She was surprised to realize that he'd been chasing her. Now he stood frozen, recognizing that she didn't wish to be found. For some reason that combination softened her appraisal of him, but his presence did nothing to soothe her frayed nerves or her outraged emotions. Her stare was accusing. 

   "I'm sorry," Luke offered immediately, shaking his head. He was still catching his breath, and at a loss for words.  He tried to speak, but there was no explanation that he could offer her for what had happened.  No words would explain the wrongs that shouldn't have been.

   Her senses told her that he meant the apology; he felt the words.  He knew that what had happened in there had hurt her, and he regretted that, regretted that he had been any part of it.  She dropped her gaze, letting the accusation go.

   Lara winced and shook her head unsteadily. She felt dizzy.  The confrontation was over; there was no longer any reason to run, and she could hardly remember why it had been so urgent that she run in the first place.  What she was feeling now didn't make any sense. The excess adrenaline was quickly receding from her system and her own fiery emotions had burned themselves out; now it was Luke's earnest helplessness that flooded in on her, and the sudden burst of outside emotion left her head reeling.  Weakened and shaky, her legs threatened to not support her.

   She sank down to the floor of her own accord before her tired muscles could give out, and she felt Luke by her side.  His concern was unmistakable as he knelt down beside her, a hand on her shoulder.  She looked up at him, searching. 

   It was an expression he'd never seen from her before.  The emotional overload had left her drained; there were no defenses left, no walls.  It was like she was looking for something in him, or from him.  He didn't know what she needed, he only knew that she needed him.

   "It's okay," Luke whispered.

   The calm reassurance didn't touch her. It couldn't reach her.

   Carefully, he moved to her, watching her eyes for warning. There was none. 

   Gently, Luke put his arms around her and held Lara to him.

   Her first breath came quick and choppy, like a reaction to a splash of cold water.

   He gave way, but she didn't try to pull back. 

   "It's okay," he whispered in her ear, reaching now to pull her a little nearer, smelling her hair, her neck.  He felt her breath hold and sensed her emotions succeeding in waves, as though she was waiting for the one that would break.  But none did.

   "Luke–" she whispered, pained, still fighting the parts of herself that couldn't handle this vulnerability.

   He was careful, knowing that the conflict was very real for her. He just closed his eyes and breathed, drawing peace to himself, offering her all he could of comfort and safety. And gradually he felt the waters still. The fighting became quiet, and Lara leaned into him.

   Her breath released in a warm sigh against his shoulder, hesitantly giving in to his embrace.  Luke gentled his physical hold while reaching deeper into the Force.  The feel of her emotions betrayed both her need and the broken feelings within her, but she no longer tried to mask those pains any more than she tried to pull away from him. He felt the last of her resistance quietly slip away.  She sensed safety within him and let herself reach out for that safety.

   Luke offered willingly, sharing his own calming emotions, sharing what peace he gathered from the Force. Offering himself to her. He held her for a long while, sharing the simple contact and gradually feeling the rest of her pain and turmoil melt away.

   When she pushed back from him, it was slowly.  Lara lowered her head to his chest and Luke followed her lead, slowly leaning away from her. She still trembled a little, prompting Luke to hold on to her arms, but when she looked at him she was again familiar. Familiar, but the old defenses didn't rush in.  He smiled reassuringly and eased away, letting go.   

   Lara lowered her eyes, grimacing.  "Luke–" she said softly. 

   He could feel her discomfort.  It bordered on embarrassment, and neither was warranted.  "You don't have to say anything.  There's no need to explain, or apologize," he assured her easily, gently.

   She accepted his offer, his permission to simply sit still and remain quiet. And she realized that she was grateful for that. Filling the silence wouldn't make it any less uncomfortable, and he already knew what she was feeling; it was useless to apologize for it or attempt to explain it away.  

   "It's all okay," he said softly.

   She felt his acceptance in the words.  What she was feeling, the closeness she had allowed him, and all the reasons it had come to this....  He accepted all of that, without condition; he accepted her, exactly as she was now.  Lara felt her emotions calm again and she was silent for a long moment.

   "It was just too much," she finally managed.

   "I know," he empathized. His voice was purposefully soft and reassuring.  "They shouldn't have gone at you that way.  It was cruel and unnecessary."     

   She shook her head slightly. "I don't know why," she puzzled, her voice trailing off, distracted, "but it was like being there again." She met his eyes with a tortured expression. "That moment, when everything was lost....  I felt that.  It was all I could feel." She shook her head against the memory. "It's so real."

   "Powerful, yes.  But not real," he interrupted gently. "It's only a memory, Lara. And its only power over you is the power you give it." 

   She closed her eyes, as if trying hard to believe that, but when she looked to him again the torture was still there.

   "I'm sorry," he said, again helpless. 

   She snorted, shaking her head again. "I've been here. I should be used to this," she argued sternly with herself.   

   "No," he stopped her easily. "You should be moving past this, not forced to revisit it." 

   She laughed bitterly.  "Moving past it." But the frustration quickly slipped away, as if she didn't have the energy to hang on to the emotion for long.  "Do you think that's possible?" she asked in quiet disbelief.

   He sighed, searching her eyes and seeing the answer there. "You have to be able to let it happen."   

   "And I don't know how," she finished for him, half accepting that fact, half regretting it.  "It's a part of me," she added.

   "It consumes you," he stated, correcting her darkly.

   She couldn't argue. 

   "What right do I have?" she asked at a whisper.  "They can't move on."

   She felt Luke's confusion, through the distinct emotion that he only wanted to help her. And vaguely, she wondered if his confusion came from trying to follow her reckless emotions. She squeezed her eyes shut and rested her head against the arch of her thumb and forefingers.

   "What would you say to me, if I asked?" he turned the question to her. "What right do I have, Lara?  How many lives have I cost? If you hadn't had to save me, you could have gone home, at least had a chance."

   Her eyes rested on him quietly.  He knew that she wouldn't blame him.  Logic followed that she couldn't blame herself. 

   "What right do any of us have, Lara?" he asked next.

   "How do you do it?" she asked softly. 

   "Keep looking forward, I guess."

   Lara looked away from him. The sun was beginning to set.  Her every instinct fought it, said that it was impossible, but she didn't say that to Luke. She watched the sun set. He would know, of course....

   She dropped her head, her eyes suddenly stinging with unexplained tears. The roof below her blurred and drops hit the stone floor. Luke's arm found its way unassumingly around her shoulders as the next drops appeared. She watched them with an almost hysterical humor.  Surely she was losing what was left of her mind now. A pang of sympathy from him pushed at the edges of her turmoil, and she had the strangest feeling that his arm across her shoulders was holding her together. 

   She watched the roof through the intermittent blur, thankful for the dusk and the cool night air that settled around her.  Finally she began to feel as though she was starting to coalesce back into a normal range of emotions.  She sniffed and blinked the last of the moisture from her eyes. Then she took a deep breath and let it out slowly, waiting. For what? she asked herself belatedly. To feel those familiar defenses kick in, those necessary defenses, came the answer. 

   Then came the realization. Slowly, she realized that she was all right. Sitting there in near total meltdown, with Luke's arm around her shoulders and with no defenses to offer, she was all right. Lara took another deep breath, processing it, gathering her thoughts and emotions.

   "When I was in there, and they kept asking those same questions – it felt like I was being chased, and there was nowhere to run, no escape. I was trying to keep my emotions numb, but the emptiness kept coming closer, that emptiness that I hadn't felt since the first moment when I knew.... It was all I could do to hold together, keep the emotions at bay.  And it kept coming back in the same loaded questions, just a step behind me, waiting to pounce....  I've never wanted to get out of a room so bad in my life.  And that's saying a lot," she added suddenly, humor edging back into her voice.

   "That's exactly what they wanted," Luke ventured absently. "To get you to say or do something without thinking, to push you hard enough that you'd give something away."

   "I know."  She turned to smile at him grimly.  "It's a pretty standard trick.  I just–" 

   "You weren't expecting it," he intoned, frustration clouding his careful voice.  "That was my fault. All along I thought that they would treat you fairly.  I told you that they would."  He paused.  "A conscript who broke with the Empire after Endor, and someone I owe my life to," he broke off, and sighed.  "You don't deserve any of this." 

   She smiled, genuinely moved by his concern, and feeling the sting of his disappointment.

   "I scare them," she said simply. "What I did, what I know, my intentions. They see danger." 

   "They're paranoid of the Empire"

   "Fear, danger, paranoia. Isn't it all the same?" she asked him rhetorically. 

   A strange look crossed his face. "You knew it would go this way.  Why did you ever agree to come back here with me?"

   "I've been asking myself that since I got here," she acknowledged dryly. "I certainly never intended to leave Marnia.  I didn't really care if the end came at the warlord's blasters. At least I thought that I didn't care," she amended.  "But that moment when I had to choose, I was split in two. 

   "I saw everything that I thought I had to pay for, and I knew that I ought to stay.  I didn't care about escape.  I didn't see it like that.  The mercenaries were nothing compared to everything inside that I had no hope of escaping.  But something made me go."  She looked at him.  "Maybe it was you. Knowing what I did of you," she explained, "and everything that helping you had meant to me before."

   He recognized the irony of her seeking him to save her, twice. This time he had literally saved her life by taking her off Marnia ahead of the mercenaries' capture, but he was beginning to realize that this rescue had been even more of a spiritual one than the first.  He remembered that moment when she had stood frozen on Marnia, and so many times since then he had wondered what haunted Lara Dare, what had held her frozen in place that day.... Luke smiled. "We seem to keep pulling each other back from the edge," he finally said out loud.

   "We know what's down there," she agreed.

   Slowly, he moved from her side and stood, leaving the cool air to tickle the warm line of her shoulders where his arm had rested.  She took a breath and looked out to the night sky.  The brightly lit skyline was now abuzz with brightly lit traffic.

   Casually, he extended a hand to her. She looked ahead for a second more, then turned and lifted her gaze to meet his eyes. They were warm and open, offering the gesture freely.  She looked at the hand he extended and reached out with her own. His grasp was just as warm and unassuming as his embrace had been.  She pulled herself to her feet, her eyes staying on his, and again she caught herself marveling at the feeling of unconditional comfort between them. 

   "I think I understand why you came with me, at Marnia," Luke said, standing face to face with her. You lost a lot, but you never lost yourself, not really. The person who reached out to me so compassionately, even when you wanted to stand away, is the same person who stayed with me for honor when you only wanted to go home, and the same person who grew up on Marnia and still keeps all that it meant to you.  Intensely true and defiantly strong.  The Empire couldn't break that, and your grief and your guilt couldn't take it from you. I've seen all of it.

   "Even though your guilt demanded that you stay, and your grief expected it of you, you couldn't face certain death.  Not when there was another way. Even if it was purely instinct, you wanted to live."

~

   The next day the Senate Inner Council met in a closed session to make their decision on Lara Dare's hearing.  For several hours Leia listened to the debate and discussion, interjecting her own thoughts when necessary. It quickly became apparent that the body was polarized between those who were steadfastly maintaining their suspicions regarding the formal Imperial agent, and the growing contingency who maintained that they had seen no damning evidence against Lara Dare.

   Several senators who had formerly been on Leia's side of the issue had been put off by the strong-arm handling of the previous session. Leia regretted that it had gone that way but she wasn't ready to drop her suspicions just because the inquiry had gotten a little heated.  They may not have been able to prove that the woman was a threat, but Lara Dare had not proven her innocence, at least not as far as Leia was concerned.... Nonetheless, she sat listening to the political process, the mixing and paring of fact and opinion until it could be distilled into a single decision.  She knew that the voting would be close, and a life would effectively hang in the balance. That made every bit of evidence important and every spark of insight valuable.... Leia didn't expect her personal opinion to be changed by the debate or the decision but she had learned a long time ago not to close her mind.  This was the work of democracy.  Elected leaders, representatives of the people they served, doing their part to ensure freedom and seek justice. Sometimes the process was tedious, even cumbersome, but Leia deeply respected the process; this was the heart of what they had fought for.

   The council sat for another vote, their third of the afternoon, and again a clear majority could not be reached.  Two senators still wished to speak about the inquiry session. Mon Mothma patiently conceded the floor to their concerns.  Leia understood their worries.  She had watched Dare very carefully during her questioning and while she knew her own abilities in the Force were limited, Leia had expected to sense some shred of emotion from the woman.  The ability to show no emotion was one thing. Han referred to it as a sabacc face. Leia had seen the necessity of hiding feelings both in war and in politics... but to feel nothing?  That was what they had seen from her during the inquisition, and it was disturbing. How could anyone sit and be accused of bringing about the deaths of her entire family and say nothing, feel nothing?

   We have no time for our sorrows, Commander. The words from so many years ago rang in her head for no reason, and the hard knot that formed in the pit of Leia's stomach still made her feel as though she would choke on the words....  Maybe that was why Leia had expected to feel something from Lara during that examination. She shook the thought away, telling herself that none of it had any relevance now. It was a simple matter of security and Leia still held tight to her suspicions.  She still believed that Lara was dangerous, and could be a threat. But the past did have relevance. Leia Organa Solo simply couldn't trust someone who held the lives of her lost family members in such shallow regard.

~

   Luke Skywalker sat in his sister's office, waiting for her to return from the Senate Inner Council meeting. Their deliberations had started this afternoon, and he had already been here for several hours; his brown traveling cloak had been shed a while ago and now hung loosely over the back of the chair he was sitting in. The well-worn material brushed comfortingly at the back of his neck when Luke stood.  He allowed himself to slowly pace around the room.  Yesterday's events weighed heavily on Luke and he had not been able to stop thinking about Lara all day.  Several times already he had been tempted to go to her, but he had come here instead.  Luke no longer worried that Lara would try to run before the trial could come to its conclusion.  After yesterday he was certain that she would not leave. Something had changed for her; those defenses had come down and she had allowed herself the vulnerability. She had finally stopped running from the past, stopped trying to hide her pain.

   Luke no longer expected her to run, but he wanted to see for himself that she was truly all right....  He had held back from that emotional impulse, however. They all knew that the final decision would come very soon, and it was wiser for him to wait on seeing her until he could report on the hearing, one way or the other.  Lara didn't need any more emotional upheaval, and come to think of it, neither did he.

   It had hit him hard yesterday, in a way he hadn't expected.  That moment when he had held her and felt her lean into his embrace, asking instinctively for the comfort and safety that he was offering instinctively....  She had looked to him, depended on him, needed him, to help her.  And that experience had affected Luke deeply.

   He put those thoughts and emotions aside.  He could feel his sister's approach, and he would need to be focused and clear when he spoke to Leia or she would easily see straight through him.

   The door slid open and Luke smiled as he greeted her.  He knew that Leia had been expecting him. His sister's abilities in the Force were limited by her lack of training (there just never seemed to be enough time) but she was quite adept at sensing changes in her surroundings, and picking up on the thoughts and feelings of the people she knew well. Luke noted that her emotions were calm and her expression was subdued, no doubt tired, but Luke thought that she also looked troubled.

   "Hi, Luke," she answered heavily.  Leia returned his smile, though Luke got the distinct impression that it was mainly a habit of politeness that forced her to do so, and she sank gratefully into her chair. "I guess you're here for the decision."

   Luke blinked, surprised. "There's been one, then," he prompted, a little more tensely than he meant to.

   Her expression grew cooler.  "The Inner Council has decided in her favor."

   Luke swallowed his relief. "But you still have suspicions," he said slowly.

   "You know where I stand," she shrugged, meaning that he knew they disagreed, and it was useless to argue when neither of their opinions would be changed. 

   He suddenly wished that he could talk to Leia about what had happened yesterday. He wished that she could see the side of Lara that he saw, not the mysterious and dangerous former Imperial agent who had a dark past, but a friend who... had finally let herself trust him?

   Luke wondered if that was the missing piece to what he had been feeling. Lara had understood that she was safe with him, not only when she had needed him most urgently, but after. She had chosen to give something of herself to him when it was her decision, when nothing more than her own will had kept her in his arms, and sitting there by his side.  It had touched Luke that she had allowed him that, because he knew that trust was not something Lara Dare gave anyone easily, and what Luke had asked had been a lot for her. But Lara had allowed it, and after all of that, when the crisis had passed, they had found that comfort still remained in the friendship between them.

   He had realized something then.  When he hadn't know how she would react to having been so emotionally vulnerable to him or so physically close – when the defenses could have rushed back in and she could have pulled away from him, cold and self-conscious, even afraid – Luke had realized then, how deeply he wanted for her to be able to trust him, how deeply he had grow to care for her.

   A part of him wished that he could say all that to Leia, explain it so that she would understand... but he couldn't bring himself to talk about those feelings.  Truthfully, he wasn't sure if he even understood what his feelings were, or what they should have been.

   "Leia, I don't know what more I can say," he offered instead.  "I know her past, I've heard everything that you have, and I know how much she's sacrificed–"

   "That's just it, Luke," she interrupted him. "You're indebted to this person and she knows it.  What if you're not getting the whole picture, because of that?"

   "I've gotten to know her, Leia, better than anyone has."

   Leia was not impressed. 

   "There's a lot more to her than she shows on the outside, maybe a lot more than even she realizes. I've seen that in her Leia.  She has a lot of good to offer here."

   Something in his sister's mood had changed while he was speaking, first from defense mode to indignant disbelief, but then her eyes softened again. The expression she wore now was more subdued, sad... almost sorry for him.  "Obviously she didn't feel that way," Leia said quietly. 

   Her brother's puzzled expression tugged at her heart, and Leia knew that it was already too late.  Despite her best efforts to warn him away, Luke had clearly come to care for this Dare woman, and her brother was nothing if not fiercely loyal to his friends.  Leia sighed; right now she hated that.  She knew that Luke had already gotten in too deep, and he wasn't going to get out without getting his feelings hurt... but at least now he would be out of it. She consoled herself somewhat with that thought, and took a deep breath. Leia knew she had been right, but she didn't have to like it.  She loved Luke with all her strength, and with that same strength Leia desperately hated anything that would dare to hurt him.

   "The decision went through and she was cleared to leave," Leia said slowly.  "I'm sorry, Luke. She requested her clearance to lift off immediately, about a half hour ago.  It's likely she's already gone."

~

     Luke stepped out onto the platform walkway. His eyes worked at adjusting to meet the quickly darkening twilight as he scanned the area. Coruscant's night winds were making the task that much more difficult as they whipped at his cloak and his hair.  Instinctively Luke reached out with the Force, looking beyond his limited eyesight, hoping that he wasn't too late. 

   Quickly, he crossed one of the landing divides and ducked around an off-loading freighter. He saw her there, waiting by a small ship that was being prepped for take off.     

   "Lara."  He called her name against the fading winds as he closed the distance between them. Then the rushing in his ears abruptly fell away, the winds ceasing as he reached the protection of the traffic buffer zones.  For the second time in as many days, Luke was chasing her.  At least yesterday he had known why.  He glanced between her and the ship as he neared, and he studied her eyes for a long moment before he spoke, wondering what he had missed. He thought he was finally beginning to understand, that she was finally beginning to trust him... had he been so wrong about her?

   The answer that came to his mind surprised him.  It didn't matter. What he thought he knew, her reasons for leaving, none of that mattered now.  The only thing that truly mattered to him was that she was leaving, and that he didn't want her to.

   Luke put aside his questions, his confusion, even his pride. He walked slowly to stand in front of her and was met with a stare that he would have called nervous, if not for the coldness in her eyes. But the coldness didn't fool him.  If anything it proved him right.  He hadn't misjudged her; he knew her well enough to understand what had happened. She was afraid.

   "You don't have to run.  Stay," Luke said gently, hopefully.

   She watched him, the cold in those blue eyes cutting through him. 

   "I can't," she said and turned away from him, walking toward the ship that waited for her.

   "Lara, wait," he called more urgently, and moved in front of her, standing between her and the ship that would offer her escape. "We've been through a lot these past months," he said, working to keep his voice calm.  "I don't want to lose your friendship," he said honestly, then paused, "but there's something more," Luke admitted. 

   "I care for you, Lara," he said softly, realizing that he may never have another chance if he let her go now, without saying it. "I don't want you to go," he finished gently.

   Her eyes stayed on him, unchanged, and unreadable.

   "I know it's hard for you – to trust," he spoke again, more softly. 

   She looked away.

   "I won't ask it," he assured her gently. "But I will ask for time – that you give me time, to earn that."

   A long moment passed as he waited for her, unable to read her emotions. 

   Lara sniffed, her brow furrowing as she pushed back something inside.  He recognized the struggle, knew that she was looking for control over things that she was feeling.  Her eyes were glossy when she looked back to him, and Luke felt his heart lurch with the desperate emotion that he had pushed her too hard, asked for too much this time.

   He couldn't read her at all, but he could see something change in her as her eyes met his solidly. Lara struggled for her voice, and she spoke the difficult truth with honest strength. 

   "I do trust you, Luke."  She gritted her teeth and continued, her voice becoming strained in spite of herself. "It scares me."  She shook her head slowly, denying the emotions, trying to find her voice once more. It was a pleading whisper this time. "I don't want to hurt anymore." 

   He stepped closer to her, looking for the right way to reassure her.

   "I won't hurt you," he felt himself whisper.

   She stared at him hard, fighting her own disbelief that he could make such a promise, that she could accept it. The past's pain threatened to rise up within her, reminding her how great a risk he asked her to take in one simple request – but this time Lara Dare didn't give in to the past and its pain.  Luke's eyes were solid and unwavering, offering her something stronger than the pull of her own pains and regrets.

   "Please. Stay," he asked again, gently.

   Her eyes never left his. She felt the breath slowly leave her as her heart thudded. Then she swallowed hard, and took a step toward him.  He saw her eyes soften as she stepped forward, and Lara nodded. In that one moment she knew what she hadn't before.  She could trust him.   

   The currents shifted, and the night air whipped around them for the space of a heartbeat before Coruscant's wind channels could adjust the resistance to the buffer zones.

   Lara realized dimly that, in her great haste to leave, she hadn't noticed those biting night winds before.  Now she ducked down against them, and lifted her eyes cautiously after the unexpected blast had slipped away.  Luke slipped off his cloak and wrapped it around her shoulders.

   Her eyes held on him for a moment, once more learning to let herself accept the care and concern that he offered to her in friendship.  The discipline in the task was nearly as unexpected to her as the winds had been.  But the warmth and generosity underlying his gesture was surprisingly comforting.

   Lara smiled gently to him, and they walked back into the Palace together. 

~

   They walked back in comfortable silence, easily bridging the space between the old and the new, and understanding each other still, in the new circumstances.  Luke was remembering how much they had been through over the past six months since he had brought Lara to Coruscant, and an odd thought occurred to him.

   "You know," he confessed, "all this isn't what I had in mind when I said that the Senate would come around."

   Lara glanced at him, and her curious expression became more amused by the seriousness with which Luke described his understatement. His smile widened and so did hers. The joke was quickly becoming funnier the more they thought on it.  Lara laughed as she looked back to him, letting the laughter release all the stress and the worry that she hadn't realized had been weighing her down. That emotion was infectious and Luke laughed too.  The feeling tickled at him, along with her laughter, and he laughed until his eyes watered and he had to stop to catch his breath. 

   Luke could still hear the echo of her laughter in the hall when they stood quietly again.  He smiled easily, just watching her....  Just when he thought he saw her... he looked again, and she was even more beautiful.  He wanted to know more, to give her more, to always see that happiness run so deep in her eyes.  There was so much he wanted... wanted her to stay.

   They began walking again, and before he knew it they were standing at her door.  Once there, Lara remembered a little awkwardly that she was still wearing his cloak. Luke smiled at her and looked down, studying the floor for a moment or two. He tried to push the doubt away from his voice and his sense before he spoke. "I hope this isn't going to become routine," he joked. "I'd hate having to pull you off the platforms on a regular basis." 

   She smiled in response.  It was a warm gesture, soothing the bare edges of insecurity that showed through in his joke. "This snuck up on me," Lara said softly, "and I panicked.  It's still going to take me a little time to get used to this," she admitted, her eyes strong on his. "But I promise, I'm seeing clearly now, and I don't panic often."

   She slipped his cloak from around her shoulders, but instead of handing it back she folded it gingerly over her forearm several times, studying the simple, one piece garment. The material was well-worn but sturdy.  It was a plain brown in color with no pattern or design except for a darker, heavier piece of fabric that lined the edges.  Simple, but woven with an attention to detail and strength; undeniably and unapologetically practical. She thought that it was very Jedi-like, but also strangely informal next to the familiar creme tunic vest, leather belt, and creme pants that Luke wore with it.

   He read the question in her expression.

   "It's a little less cumbersome than the robes of a Jedi."

   "Part of a proper Jedi's attire?" she questioned lightly.

   Luke smiled. "Actually, no. The traveling cloak of a moisture farmer." He smoothed out a wrinkle in the material with the palm of his hand. "One of only two possessions that I took with me when I left Tatooine, and the only thing that I still have from there."

   Lara shifted her hold on the material, offering it back to him.  "Then you shouldn't be separated from it."

   "I was glad to lend it to you," he replied, and he smiled in return as he took the cloak that she handed back to him with a light touch and an equally light smile. 

~

   Luke let himself into his own suite a short time later and moved around slowly.  He ate and made ready for bed, but his mind remained on the day. When he turned off the lights all he could remember was the rich sound of Lara's laughter echoing in the hall, the feeling of her hand brushing his when she had handed him his cloak, and how sweet her voice had been when she smiled and said goodnight to him.  And when he closed his eyes to sleep he saw again the even sweeter bright blue of her beautiful eyes.

~

   Lara pulled the covers up around her and watched the lights play across her ceiling. A smile came over her again as she remembered walking back from the platforms with the warm smell of his cloak against her collar, Luke's shy smile as he had said goodnight to her. 

   She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, remembering the long six months behind her.  She remembered also, how intensely important it had seemed just a few short hours ago to put distance behind her too.... "Things have been pretty awful here," she said out loud. Then her emotions shifted, and her voice softened. "But then things have been pretty awful since I left.  And especially awful since I found out you were gone."

   She paused, listening to the silence for a moment.

   "There were a lot of reasons why I came here.  The biggest one, I couldn't see until today.  But somewhere deep inside, I wanted to live again. I couldn't say it, I couldn't even feel it.  I hurt so much for so long that I'd forgotten. I thought I'd given up; I told myself that so much of me had died with you, but I'd just buried it deep down, in a place that only you could reach. 

   "That was my new safety," she smiled a little, "so you could still protect me."  Then the smile faded. "But I felt hollow, and it hurt, so much.  I was alone for a long time.  Utterly and completely, and forever I thought I would be alone.  Then, standing in front of me, offering me a way out, was Luke Skywalker.

   "And again, lying here, I felt him.  Suddenly I wasn't alone anymore.  We understood each other in ways I could never have imagined possible. I gave him solid ground, understanding; he showed me that I could see past the pain.  He never pushed me, never asked for too much, never expected... any of this." 

   She smiled.  "I trust him, Mark," she confided quietly.  "It was a little at a time. And today, something happened to make it hit me all at once.  When it was up to me and I was free to go, I didn't want to go. I realized I was already in too deep, and I got scared.  I tried to run," she admitted with a shake of her head.  "But he didn't let me go.

   "You know what he said?  He didn't ask me to trust him, or promise that he could make it be okay for me.  He just looked me in the eye and said that he wouldn't hurt me."  She smiled again. "What an outrageous thing to promise." She paused again, remembering. "But the way he said it – it reminded me so much of you.  He's like you, that way.  He knows that I don't want to be sheltered, that I just need for him to be straight with me.

   "And after the words had been said, it didn't scare me anymore.  It felt good, and comfortable, and safe, inside – things I haven't felt in a long time. I'm happy, Mark. I know you want that.  I just wish you were here to share it with me. 

   "I'll always miss you. You know that I would gladly have died for you?  For a long time, I thought I wanted to. I thought I couldn't live without you. I didn't know how, and didn't want to. But today, I'm glad to be alive.  I want to live, and I want to be happy in my lifetime.  I think I owe you that much, something that you would want for me, for a change."

   She closed her tired eyes against the dim lights, yawned, and pulled her pillow closer to her.

   On the edge of sleep, Lara smiled at a forgotten memory: their mother, waiting for her ten year old son to pull up his sleeve so that she could treat some scrape he had gotten just from being a ten year old boy with that dreaded stinging, brown ointment.  Mark glared once more over toward his annoying sister, who was absently rubbing her own arm, and their mom looked between the two of them with a smile. She said the same thing she always said whenever Lara's talent caused this kind of trouble for her brother; she said it so often that it became a running joke in the family, and then it had become a lighthearted expression of affection.

   Lara opened her eyes once more.  "Your sister loves you, Mark," she mumbled quietly. ~@ ~ ~